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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2011 8:59:39 GMT -7
[align=left]Gentlemen there is hope. You can be free from this. I was addicted from the age of 12. I am 43 and have been free for a little over 18 months. You have to truly want it. You have to ask God to help you and mean it. I cant say it enough. I understand what you all are going through if you are where I was. Your every waking moment consumed with these thoughts. waking up in the middle of the night with your head spinning and your heart racing. Sneaking out of the bedroom to get to the computer for a bit of relief. Hoping your wife or even worse your kids do not wake up and walk in on you. Trying to get back to sleep after you have given in and are racked with guilt. It tears at your soul. Sometimes you cant even function at work your mind is so filled with the pictures and thoughts from all you've looked at. Others have asked if you should tell your wife. The answer is a definent yes. You will feel a relief and release from the guilt of dishonesty. Your wife however can not be your accountability partner. Trust me I have been there to it does not work. Find another christian man,preferebly one who can relate but is strong in the Lord. For me it was my pastor. Talking to him at least once a week for several weeks or as long as you need to is a good idea. You need someone to be accountable to. Dont let guilt from thoughts that may creep in cause you to give in. Remember this ; even Christ was tempted. It is not a sin to be tempted. The sin comes when you give in. When the temptation comes,stop and think for a moment: once I give in to this how will I feel after? That was one of the methods that helped me quite a bit. I always knew that once the high was over,the guilt,shame and fear of being caught would come. ![]() [/align] |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 28, 2011 10:26:05 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Jul 28, 2011 10:32:50 GMT -7
My wife knew of my addiction, but I would hide it from her when I acted out. God in his grace however gave me a wife that could always see right thru me.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2011 3:37:07 GMT -7
My husband hid his porn/masturbation habit from me for 23 years. I knew something was terribly wrong......hauled him to therapists, complained of his lack of engagement in the marriage and with our kids, complained that I got MAYBE 30 seconds of his attention when he came home.....I saw all the signs, I complained of all the signs, I screamed at him. I did not ignore or engage in willful blindness. I just never found the porn until July 5, 2009.....at that instant, everything made sense.
Addicts who want to hide this from their wives are very adept at doing so.
I have stepped outside of myself and asked myself if I willfully ignored the signs. I didn't.
I've called myself everything under the sun.......stupid, blind.....clueless.....all of it wondering how I missed it.
The therapist has been quite clear that this addiction is EASILY hidden and that the Lord revealed it to me in His time.
I have a very hard time accepting that...in fact, I haven't. I now believe I've wasted the best 25 years of my life trying to make his lies work. I've been duped. I'm bitter, angry and resentful. I've even cursed God for my fate.
The therapist community needs to be trained on the signs and symptoms of porn addiction. I now realize that every time I hauled him to marriage counseling, I was in fact complaining of the classic signs and symptoms of porn addiction. Neither therapist, secular or Christian, put it together absolutely. During one session, the secular therapist asked if porn might be a problem in our marriage, and I immediately dismissed the possibility. She's retired now, but I really wish I could have a cup of coffee with her and tell her how right she was. I wish I'd been open to the possibility that porn was a problem then. It may have saved me decades of anguish.
My best, DW
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2011 5:30:01 GMT -7
Endzone,
on again off again, that was my story for most of my life. I have to admit though that when I was single, I did not feel the pressure as much to get free. I guess that a lot of single addicts have the impression that once they get married there problem will cease. Obviously this is wrong. Looking back, I would say that if I had made a more concerted effort to get free before I ever got married then obviously it would have saved my wife and me, a lot of heartache. Determination is one key I would give. Remember though you are not alone in this if you allow God to help. He is always ready and willing. The thing for us is to allow Him to do the work. I have mentioned in another post that one thing that hindered my deliverance was the sense of guilt when even a tempting thought would enter. Instead of going straight to God, I would tell myself," Well here I go again, no use in praying about it because I am going to give in anyway". This is a lie of the enemy of our souls. If you have a moment to pause and pray for strength, then take it. In addition I can not overstress the importance of having a Christian accountability partner. Just my recommendation here, but I would say it needs to be a strong Christian male, who is not an addict himself, because I would imagine as addicts who are not fully recovered we would not hold one another to the highest standards possible. I only say this from an experience in which a former pastor tried to hook me up with another guy that was still struggling himself. We talked one time and I could tell this guy had no intention of getting free, so that was our one and only conversation.
Truthfully, I can share my story and thoughts but I can not tell anyone how to get free. There is no magical formula to deliverance. It has to be a God thing,if you know what I mean. Believe me though when I tell you that you can be free.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2011 12:11:46 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2011 13:02:42 GMT -7
Well the truth is that as a father and husband I have plenty of things to keep me occupied. There is not a lot of time for my mind to wonder. My suggestion for a single man would probably be to find an active Christian singles ministry where you could meet good friends and have fun in a positive and uplifting environment. Keep yourself busy and active.
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