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Post by Deleted on Jun 23, 2011 14:07:07 GMT -7
Being new to this forum I have not seen any discussion on this so I apologize if this is something that has been discussed in another thread.
I am just wandering how many, if any members of this board who is battleing porn addiction was sexually abused as a child. If so it may be something you do not want to discuss and I understand.
If you read my history under the "new regristration" thread I personally listed my disturbed past and what I felt lead me to porn addiction. I mentioned that my start with porn was introduced as a child back in the 70s with several of my friends parents having porn magizine stashes under their mattrasses. I am afraid I left out one thiing.
Right now is the first time I have ever brought this up to anyone in 35 years, When I was around 9 or 10 my brother and I (whom is a year older) were sexually molested by an older cousin whom was in his older teens at the time that included oral and anal molestation. Since the occurances that happened a few times neither my brother or myself have ever discussed it with each other.
I am certainly not saying this is an excuse for my porn addiction. I am just questioning if this is a common theme with porn addiction.
Since the occurances my brother and I have done many things (like holiday gatherings, playing golf, etc) with this cousin whom is married with an adult son and a professing Christian but what he did has never been discussed and is treated like it never happened.
I also want to point out that I really have never harbored resentment towards him, I am sure he has had to deal with his deamons of the past. I really have no desire to approach him about it, I am just wandring how this may have set the course for my adult sexual addiction. I cannot remember how taumatized I was other than it certainly I lost my innocense.
Being that it involved homosexual acts I have never had any desire towardds homosexual behavior since,, When I stumble upon homosexual porn I am repulsed and cannot exit soon enough. Not to say I have not consummed myself with equally repulsive porn.
Looking back at it and growing up an athlete I can't imagine talking to someone about this other than the privacy of this forum, It is something that I have tried to surpress from my memory but it will always be there.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 23, 2011 14:35:48 GMT -7
Hi LSmith,
Hopefully you will get some response from the guys, but I know I have seen both addicts and their wives mention childhood sexual abuse being a contributing factor. It is good that you recognize the connection. There may well be a point where you will find that forgiving your cousin, in your heart, not necessarily directly, may be significant to your own healing.
There are way too many threads to read, but you can search the forums for key words, and narrow the field considerably.
TruthSeeker
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Post by Deleted on Jun 23, 2011 14:58:36 GMT -7
Great honesty. You honor us.
I, myself, have no memory of being sexually abused, and I would be quite surprised were I to find that I was. But I think my experience is relatively unusual among sex addicts. I forget Patrick Carnes' numbers, but he states that a sizable majority of sex addicts are abuse survivors. I can't assert that from personal experience among the addicts I know, but it is not uncommon to find that sex addicts have been abused as children. So yes, my understanding is that there is a very strong correlation between sex addiction and childhood sexual abuse.
That's pretty much all I can tell you on the topic, not being aware of any history of abuse in my own case. I'm sure a bit of reading in the literature on sex addiction would tell you more.
Again, you honor us by trusting us with your story.
Tim M.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 23, 2011 16:03:40 GMT -7
Thanks for the feedback on this. This forum has been a real blessing to me. Not a pleasant blessing because dealing with sin is gut wrenching but I am starting to feel peace that I have never felt before.
As I mentioned I don't feel I hold resentment in my heart towards my cousin. I do know that if he came to me and asked for forgiveness I would forgive him in a heart beat. That is the least I could do for what Christ did for me. I guess it is a closure thing. I don;t feel I could ever approach him and bring it up. I would not want to disrupt his family by bringing up something that happened in the 1970s. On the other hand if someone did this to one of my kids I would not think twice about disrupting his family regardless of how many years that had past. I could not imagine even with my parents approaching 70 what they would do if they ever found out about this..
The other thing is my brother. I don't know how this has effected him over ther years. He is very succesful in his business and married with 3 kids. I don't know how I could bring this up in discussion with him. My family will be spending the week at the beach next week with his family. We were both high school football players. I went on to play in college. We talk about manly type things when we are together. I just cannot imagine bringing this up with him.
Again this is the first time in 35 plus years I have engaged in any type of discussion concerning this. I really don't know how to process it.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 23, 2011 16:28:29 GMT -7
From all I can tell talking with people, it's not an easy thing to process. This may be a good place to start working with a professional, no?
Tim M.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2011 6:00:28 GMT -7
I can state for myself,that I was never sexually abused as a child. For me it was just normal boyhood curiosity that got out of hand. I will say this, that I feel that if parents are aware of what is going on with their children, then they can help address this in a way that does not cause guilt or condemnation,it may help nip it in the bud, so to speak, early on. I love my father but I will be honest and say that his way of dealing with my masturbation as a young teenager is not how I would deal with my own son. It could be that as a recovered addict I can relate to how my son must feel and would never want to make him feel that he is condemmed to hell for doing something that is normal for a young boy. I will,and have explained to him to the best of my ability how to handle and cope with the feeling he has and what is and is not appropriate.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 28, 2011 10:40:57 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2011 12:34:00 GMT -7
I think it's very hard to give advice about emotional situations we've never been in. For me, that would include sexual abuse.
Tim M.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2011 9:33:11 GMT -7
Hi and welcome to the forum. You are courageous for sharing about one of the most difficult things to share about. There are shocking, traumatic things that happened to me when I was a boy that I have no memory of but a sibling has told me of things that happened to me that amaze me. PTSD Post traumatic stress disorder affects some people who have had very traumatic things happen to them. Although I cannot remember being physically sexually abused as a boy, I believe that an adult who accosts a minor and without that minor's consent or fore-knowledge, shows that minor hard-core (or any core) pornography, is guilty of sexually abusing that child. This happened to me and I believe it had as traumatic an effect on me as if I had been physically assaulted. Innocence, if one can really use such a word (because nobody is innocent), was lost for me when I was 11 or 12. It was 1975 and it may have been before my 12th birthday.
Although I did not use pornography as a boy, I did find it, coincidentally, during the same holiday when approached by a pedophile on the beach. Again, my memory had blotted this out but my younger sister remembered that we had both found these magazines in a draw in the holiday home. It's curious I have no recollection of that. I can certainly remember the shocking porn that was shown me on the beach during that holiday.
Porn became something I went to if I had the opportunity (rarely) from the age of about 20 onwards. When internet came in the 1990s, it became a much more serious problem to deal with.
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Post by mike on Aug 9, 2011 12:17:35 GMT -7
It's hard for one to reveal previous sexual abuse because those who haven't been through it have no idea what that hell is like. There's already a struggle with a soiled feeling of shame going on; it's more helpful for others to leave assumptions about the act unspoken, and provide support. I applaud LSmith for his courage. A 9 year old boy, whose moral compass and character are still in early development, is going to have a hard time taking control of what can be a shocking, traumatic situation where an older, perhaps trusted, and bigger (it appears from LSmith's post that the cousin was some 10 years older) family member is manipulating the situation.
LSmith, my prayer is that you will find peace and healing. It is available, by the grace of God.
Corrie Ten Boom's books (The Hiding Place, Tramp for the Lord) often awesome portrayals of forgiveness of abusers. If you've never read them, I highly recommend them.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2011 15:10:33 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2011 10:57:19 GMT -7
I was abused by an uncle from 9-12, at first I was scared & shamed to silence, around puberty my body reacted to it and then it became me going there looking for it. I messed around with a friend & a younger brother while all the abuse was going on, too. For years I was tied up in guilt & shame. I was/ am a highly sexualised child & adult.
We are very fragile beings, both physically & mentally. It doesn't take much to change the proper course of a child. Any sexual abuse, wether a one time thing to multiple times is enough to wreak havoc in a life.
I've been dealing with sex / porn addiction & same sex attraction & acting out ever since.
You are not alone...
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2011 19:03:06 GMT -7
I had a covert incestual relationship with my mom. the word covert simply mean I was sexualized by my mom. Nudity,no bounderies, I became a surrogate parent,my mothers little man. I was abused by a older boy next door when I was about 6 or 7. My mother also dressed me up as a girl one halloween. My home was very sexualized to say the least. When I was a baby my mom gave me her panties to rub instead of a pacifier. This is how it all began. The scares have lasted a lifetime and have profoundly effected my life. No one that I've ever meet wants to have this addiction. Speaking for myself,I would never never never wish this on my worse enemy. In my years trying to find lasting sobriety I have heard repeatedly that early exposer to porn or over sexualizing a child,or,sexual abuse is the beginning of this sin addiction. BigD. Hope this helps.
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