Torn's Accountability Page

torn3006,

Welcome!  truthseeker, as always, has sage advice.

I spent around 30 years really actively trying to stop using porn and getting nowhere.  I could quit for a day or a week or even for 2 or 3 months, but always I would come back right where I had left off.

What I needed to do, and started to do 6 years ago, was to accept that I was really an addict and that I therefore needed to start learning from other addicts who had quit using their drugs of choice.  What other addicts did to find freedom, I had to do.  And it had to be possible, because the world is full of sober recovering alcoholics and drug addicts.

And so I started doing a lot of things I had never imagined myself needing to do - seeing a counselor, attending 12-step recovery meetings, getting a sponsor, working the steps.  I began discovering what recovery is really about: not getting stronger and toughing it out, but building a new relationship with God, with the people around me, and with myself.  A relationship in which I'm not hiding from others and from myself, a relationship in which I see myself honestly but gently, a relationship in which I can let go of the fears and resentments and shame and sense of inadequacy that I escape from by acting out in my addiction.  I could find that people loved me and that God loved me even if I showed myself.  And through that process of honesty and acceptance and surrender and weakness, I could find a new life in which porn wasn't necessary any longer.

Now, I don't want to be Pollyanna.  Addiction recovery is hard and scary work, the hardest thing most of us will ever do.  And my recovery has not been without slips and setbacks.  But where I am now is indescribably better than where I was 6 years ago.  The blessings are unimaginable.

What we have to do is scary.  Nobody wants to ring up a therapist the first time, or walk for the first time into a room in the church basement and say, "Hi, I'm Tim, and I'm a sex addict," or discuss with one's wife the need to do these things.  But what you know about addiction from general life in this society is right: people who do those things get better.  Ordinary people like you and me can tear down the barriers we have built to protect ourselves from God, from others, and from ourselves, and can step into a new life of freedom.  And the blessings of that are immeasurable.

Oh, yeah, and as part of that, we can stop using our drug of choice.

May you embark on that journey with hope and with joy, along with all the doubt and fear that go with the turf.

Again, welcome!

Tim M.

Hi Torn,

You might also try
www.settingcaptivesfree.com

TruthSeeker

Hey Torn,

I understand were you are. I had gone through my life feeling that my addiction was my way of life. I tried and tried to break it on my own but it is impossible because it has molded your life already. I have destroyed everything i love the most in my life. I have also destroyed my wife and kids because of this. As a ADDICT I agree with TM. First step which is the most important tell yourself you are an ADDICT. Accept it and only then you start breaking down Torn the addict and you can tell your worth more. Accept and understand the destruction you have caused. There are people around you like your wife waiting for you to come back. Its a long road dont do it alone.

Interesting.  Thank you.  I did not know that.

Of course, many people on BG aren't 12-steppers, and some of us who are are also open to other paths to recovery.  For both those groups, your info isn't a show-stopper.  At the same time, I'm always fonder of people who, while walking their own path, are willing to admit that others may choose to walk a different one, instead of spending time belittling the competition.

Tim M.

Yea, but do you have to tell your mentor?

So far, I have completed over 75% of SCF, and there is no evidence of them telling their students to drop their 12-step groups.  Now, it is true that to be a mentor of SCF, you cannot be a part of these fellowships.  However, I feel that's a lot different than what was suggested above.