Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2010 12:29:23 GMT -7
Hi all,
In light of some recent interactions on the forums, I wish to remind everyone that this site was named by its founder, Mike, Blazing GRACE. If we fail to respond to one another in GRACE, we stray from his purpose for founding this site and including forums.
The complete Terms of Service may be found here:
www.blazinggrace.org/forums/forum2/1.html
Here is what I wish to highlight from the TOS regarding recent exchanges.
"7. You will not harass, threaten, humiliate or distress the other members; no name calling or insults. Promoting a spirit of divisiveness in any way will not be tolerated. You will not attack a person’s character or decide that you know their motives and condemn them. If another member is not a Christian you will not disparage them. Foul or otherwise inappropriate language is not tolerated. We are here to encourage and learn from each other, not tear each other up."
"16. Please do not use chat and forums to air your grievances against other fellow members."
There are a lot of good resources that educate about traits generally common to pornography/sexual addiction, but they are just that, generalities. Any given person may exhibit any percentile of criteria in common with any given set of generalities. Thus, we cannot make presumptions about where anyone who posts is, be they personally struggling with sexual sin/addiction, or coping with a family member who is.
My husband and I would not be experiencing the joy that we are in our marriage today if he had been the only one to examine himself, and work on himself after my discovery. That does not mean that the issues I needed to address excused his behavior, because they absolutely did not, but neither did what he had done, and how much it hurt me, give me license to continue in behaviors that hindered my relationship with both God and my husband.
In four and a half years on these forums, I have observed quite a range of balance and imbalance in how both addicts and spouses handle their situations. Not that anyone is especially interested in reading my hundreds of posts, but I am no stranger to tough love, and I do not claim to have always executed it as graciously as possible, but using a spiked choke collar when a firm tug on a leash with a regular collar would do is going to dissuade participation of those most in need of these forums. I am not advocating coddling anyone, but rather prayerfully allowing the Holy Spirit to help us form our responses with both truth and GRACE to encourage and spur one another on toward growth and good works, both in faith and marriage, not to send one another slinking away to lick our wounds. We are all walking wounded here. Wives may have been hurt by other life experiences, and are certainly crushed as they struggle with whether or not to try and stick it out to see whether or not their husband chooses a path of freedom. Men are here almost always because trauma in life relationships at some crucial point in their lives has left them wounded to such a degree that they seek to escape it through pornography/sexual sin. Let this not be a place of further wounding.
TruthSeeker
In light of some recent interactions on the forums, I wish to remind everyone that this site was named by its founder, Mike, Blazing GRACE. If we fail to respond to one another in GRACE, we stray from his purpose for founding this site and including forums.
The complete Terms of Service may be found here:
www.blazinggrace.org/forums/forum2/1.html
Here is what I wish to highlight from the TOS regarding recent exchanges.
"7. You will not harass, threaten, humiliate or distress the other members; no name calling or insults. Promoting a spirit of divisiveness in any way will not be tolerated. You will not attack a person’s character or decide that you know their motives and condemn them. If another member is not a Christian you will not disparage them. Foul or otherwise inappropriate language is not tolerated. We are here to encourage and learn from each other, not tear each other up."
"16. Please do not use chat and forums to air your grievances against other fellow members."
There are a lot of good resources that educate about traits generally common to pornography/sexual addiction, but they are just that, generalities. Any given person may exhibit any percentile of criteria in common with any given set of generalities. Thus, we cannot make presumptions about where anyone who posts is, be they personally struggling with sexual sin/addiction, or coping with a family member who is.
My husband and I would not be experiencing the joy that we are in our marriage today if he had been the only one to examine himself, and work on himself after my discovery. That does not mean that the issues I needed to address excused his behavior, because they absolutely did not, but neither did what he had done, and how much it hurt me, give me license to continue in behaviors that hindered my relationship with both God and my husband.
In four and a half years on these forums, I have observed quite a range of balance and imbalance in how both addicts and spouses handle their situations. Not that anyone is especially interested in reading my hundreds of posts, but I am no stranger to tough love, and I do not claim to have always executed it as graciously as possible, but using a spiked choke collar when a firm tug on a leash with a regular collar would do is going to dissuade participation of those most in need of these forums. I am not advocating coddling anyone, but rather prayerfully allowing the Holy Spirit to help us form our responses with both truth and GRACE to encourage and spur one another on toward growth and good works, both in faith and marriage, not to send one another slinking away to lick our wounds. We are all walking wounded here. Wives may have been hurt by other life experiences, and are certainly crushed as they struggle with whether or not to try and stick it out to see whether or not their husband chooses a path of freedom. Men are here almost always because trauma in life relationships at some crucial point in their lives has left them wounded to such a degree that they seek to escape it through pornography/sexual sin. Let this not be a place of further wounding.
TruthSeeker
