Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2010 1:52:56 GMT -7
Hello everyone,
I'm not particularly proud to be posting here, but I know that if I don't don't do anything about my problem, it will only grow worse and worse.
I am 18 years old, hold no religious views, currently attending college. I am lucky enough to say that I have a beautiful lover.
However, her past is a rather disturbing one, being beaten by her mom to the point where she move in with her dad, who then molested and attempted to rape her.
She tells me that I'm the best person she's ever met. And I feel like I'm failing her when I let my habit consume me.
But she was not the one to push me to get help. I am the one who personally wants to nip this problem in the bud. The disappointment and shame I feel after wards eats at me, and then to hear her voice saying that I'm the best is like putting salt to a wound.
Viewing internet porn has become a nasty habit of mine, only to grow worse and worse as time progresses.
The subjects of my search only getting to be simply gross and tasteless by the minute.
It starts out "small", a simple google image search for a naked lady, and then when that gets boring I search up videos.
Before I know it, I'm boldly searching for the very thing her Dad fantasized about doing with her.
This makes me sick to my stomach that I would degrade to this. That I would even consider putting myself at risk for repeating her Dad's offenses when it would be my time to become a father.
I've researched the long term consequences. And I realize that it is not worth it.
"Why trade one moment of bliss for 100 days of sorrow?" A wise person said.
My life is only beginning, I do not wish to lose everything dear to me so early, or at all for that matter.
And for that I come here looking for support and advice.
I thank all of you greatly for reading my post and considering a reply.
I'm not particularly proud to be posting here, but I know that if I don't don't do anything about my problem, it will only grow worse and worse.
I am 18 years old, hold no religious views, currently attending college. I am lucky enough to say that I have a beautiful lover.
However, her past is a rather disturbing one, being beaten by her mom to the point where she move in with her dad, who then molested and attempted to rape her.
She tells me that I'm the best person she's ever met. And I feel like I'm failing her when I let my habit consume me.
But she was not the one to push me to get help. I am the one who personally wants to nip this problem in the bud. The disappointment and shame I feel after wards eats at me, and then to hear her voice saying that I'm the best is like putting salt to a wound.
Viewing internet porn has become a nasty habit of mine, only to grow worse and worse as time progresses.
The subjects of my search only getting to be simply gross and tasteless by the minute.
It starts out "small", a simple google image search for a naked lady, and then when that gets boring I search up videos.
Before I know it, I'm boldly searching for the very thing her Dad fantasized about doing with her.
This makes me sick to my stomach that I would degrade to this. That I would even consider putting myself at risk for repeating her Dad's offenses when it would be my time to become a father.
I've researched the long term consequences. And I realize that it is not worth it.
"Why trade one moment of bliss for 100 days of sorrow?" A wise person said.
My life is only beginning, I do not wish to lose everything dear to me so early, or at all for that matter.
And for that I come here looking for support and advice.
I thank all of you greatly for reading my post and considering a reply.