Can we talk about what to expect intimate wise in a recovering addict?
Nov 18, 2010 2:42:19 GMT -7
teetop likes this
Post by Deleted on Nov 18, 2010 2:42:19 GMT -7
I have been married almost 14 yrs. I knew my husband masturbated and preferred that over sex with me. I knew it was very hurtful. What I didn't know was that it was an addiction. We have had a very rough marriage. Looking back on it I can clearly see the addiction. I was an alcoholic and got sober 5 years into our marriage and have remained sober ever since. I am very familiar with recovery. Two years ago he admitted to me that he had a problem with masturbation and that is why we rarely ever had sex. He used sex as a punishment to me. He has carried an anger towqards me for many years, I believe it is because I got sober and that put a real damper on his acting out. Over the past to years he has played with recovery. He simply learned how to "act" better.
My question now is how does intimacy look to a recovering addict? What should I expect to see behavior wise in him? He swears he has not acted out in the past 4.5 months. I have not seen his desire for me increase. He tells me it is performance anxiety. I notice that during sex he starts and stops frequently and I am assuming that is because his body is trained to ejaculate quickly. Should that not have decreased by now since he has stopped the self sex? And should his sensitivity level return to "normal" after not having engaged in self stimulation?
I have read many books on this addiction trying to educate myself. However, I have yet to see anything that answers the above questions. I do not mean to be graphic, I just feel the need to know the answers. My gut tells me something is up but I don't trust whether it is real or if I am just so jaded that he simply can't do anything right. Your help is very much appreciated.
My question now is how does intimacy look to a recovering addict? What should I expect to see behavior wise in him? He swears he has not acted out in the past 4.5 months. I have not seen his desire for me increase. He tells me it is performance anxiety. I notice that during sex he starts and stops frequently and I am assuming that is because his body is trained to ejaculate quickly. Should that not have decreased by now since he has stopped the self sex? And should his sensitivity level return to "normal" after not having engaged in self stimulation?
I have read many books on this addiction trying to educate myself. However, I have yet to see anything that answers the above questions. I do not mean to be graphic, I just feel the need to know the answers. My gut tells me something is up but I don't trust whether it is real or if I am just so jaded that he simply can't do anything right. Your help is very much appreciated.