Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2010 5:49:12 GMT -7
Hello everyone,
May 15th was the beginning of my sobriety. I'd been addicted to gay porn for over 15 years. I had some periods of sobriety, but always ended up back online at my favorite websites. Always felt an incredible sense of shame and guilt. I've been married for nearly 24 years - have 2 great kids.
Around the first of July, my wife and I were arguing, and she said, "You'll never change..." I argued back, "Oh, yes I can..." and blurted out my confession about my addiction - at that point, I'd been "sober" for 40-some days.
Since then, I've started attending AA meetings in the morning. There is a very good group locally, and I really gain insight from other people's stories, even though the object of their addiction is alcohol. I find that I have a lot in common; addictive personalities are very similar. I've also been meeting with my pastor on a weekly basis for about 8 months now. He was the first one that I confessed my addiction to. Thank God he didn't freak, quote my 6 Bible verses, and tell me that I should pray about it...he looked at me and said, "Yeah, I struggle with lust myself..."
I'm living at home, but sleeping in my son's room (he's off to college). Some days are incredibly "easy." Lately, I feel like I'm crawling the walls. So I take walks and pray, try to avoid isolation, keep attending my morning meetings, and try to avoid the resentments that crop up in my attitude on a routine basis.
My wife and I fought again last night. I didn't run...I stayed at home, although we spent the rest of the night in separate rooms.
Today, life is hard, but I know that it's an emotional reaction to last night.
Today, I choose to live in sobriety...and to stay clean.
D
May 15th was the beginning of my sobriety. I'd been addicted to gay porn for over 15 years. I had some periods of sobriety, but always ended up back online at my favorite websites. Always felt an incredible sense of shame and guilt. I've been married for nearly 24 years - have 2 great kids.
Around the first of July, my wife and I were arguing, and she said, "You'll never change..." I argued back, "Oh, yes I can..." and blurted out my confession about my addiction - at that point, I'd been "sober" for 40-some days.
Since then, I've started attending AA meetings in the morning. There is a very good group locally, and I really gain insight from other people's stories, even though the object of their addiction is alcohol. I find that I have a lot in common; addictive personalities are very similar. I've also been meeting with my pastor on a weekly basis for about 8 months now. He was the first one that I confessed my addiction to. Thank God he didn't freak, quote my 6 Bible verses, and tell me that I should pray about it...he looked at me and said, "Yeah, I struggle with lust myself..."
I'm living at home, but sleeping in my son's room (he's off to college). Some days are incredibly "easy." Lately, I feel like I'm crawling the walls. So I take walks and pray, try to avoid isolation, keep attending my morning meetings, and try to avoid the resentments that crop up in my attitude on a routine basis.
My wife and I fought again last night. I didn't run...I stayed at home, although we spent the rest of the night in separate rooms.
Today, life is hard, but I know that it's an emotional reaction to last night.
Today, I choose to live in sobriety...and to stay clean.
D