Post by Deleted on Jan 10, 2006 12:32:32 GMT -7
Hi, I want to introduce myself to this forum and explain my situation... From a very young age, I was very attracted to the female body. I have looked at pornographic videos on and off from age 10, so it has become an addiction to me in the sense that it is something that is a regular part of what I do regularly. My mother is very religious and as a result, raised me this way. I accepted Christ as my Savior when I was 16, but even before then and afterwards, I knew that I should not be looking at porn. I struggled with it throughout my school years and through college as I would go through bouts of months when I would like at it and when I wouldn't. When the Internet became prevalent when I was in high school, it made it harder for me to resist. About five years ago, I got involved with a wonderful girl, but I never told her about my addiction. About two years ago, she found the sites I had been on and she was, to say the least, angry. I explained to her my addiction and promised I would stop. a few months later, she caught me once again. The same thing, I promised I would stop. A few months later, she caught me once again, and I told her, this time I would tell her if I look at porn so that she could help me deal with the issue. However, I felt that she would leave me if I messed up again, so I went back to it, but did not tell her. About two weeks ago, she caught me once again. I believe that before, the reason I did not seek help was that I was ashamed and did not know who to turn to. I was also angry at myself for not being able to handle this on my own, and I guess you can say my pride prevented from seeking real help. Now our relationship is on the bubble, but I decided to seek help out because regardless of things work out with my girlfriend and I, I know that if I do not better myself regarding this, that it will continually haunt in the future with my future wife and family. I want to take a more proactive approach to this, and I have actually turned off the Internet from my computer at this time per my girlfriends request. As a result, I can only get on this when I am at school. It is an inconvenience for me, but I realize that the things you want most should not unattained because of inconvenience. I desire to work at this to improve myself personall and spiritually as this addiction has been partly responsible for my struggling relationship with God as well. Thank you for listening.