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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2010 11:58:34 GMT -7
Hello everyone. I am 28, male and a born again Christian. I am addicted to pornography/fantasy/masturbation. I have been married for over 7 years. I've never cheated on my wife nor do I want to, but I'm not sure that I would be able to resist if I was ever put into a situation where I could. I have been struggling with these addictions for over 9 years. During this time, I have only confessed to maybe 4 people. I am incredibly ashamed and embarrassed to admit my addiction. I've never found in any of the churches I've attended a support group for men who struggle with sexual addictions. I'm not even sure I would have gone.
I am completely aware of what the Bible says about sexual sin and I do not argue with it. I know the ramifications that this sin can have in my live on other levels. I have been trying too long to fight this battle alone and I need help. From reading on this forum, I realize that I am not alone in this battle. I am hoping that there is someone here that I can be accountable with so that we both can work through this together.
I'm not sure about how to get started so if there are any veterans out there that can give help get me started, I would greatly appreciate it.
Thank you and God bless,
FreeInHim
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2010 16:00:15 GMT -7
FreeInHim,
Welcome!
Anybody who's dealt with this addiction understands the shame and isolation it produces. They're a huge part of the disease. Good job coming here and being honest! Working for the same level of honesty with people in real life is also something that has been very important to me.
You say that in the past you've been unable to find support groups and unwilling to attend. Is that still true? I'm strongly persuaded that any addiction, but this one in particular, is all about isolation. We can't overcome isolation alone; so working with others seems to me to be an essential piece of our recovery. For me, those others have been my fellow addicts in 12-step fellowships, professional counselors, and the friends and family members with whom I've been open. Those first two groups - other addicts and professionals - have been especially important. We need support people who really understand addiction.
I've been in recovery for about 5-1/2 years, though I have slipped a number of times during that period. The first steps for me included
- Attending 12-step meetings: online chat meetings of SLAA in particular, and then face-to-face meetings of SLAA and SAA.
- Professional counseling.
- Reading about addiction. Patrick Carnes is the big expert in the field. I've found Craig Nakken and the AA Big Book also very illuminating.
- Honesty with the central people in my life: my wife and kids and mom and sisters and half a dozen friends.
- Lots of hard work facing myself honestly and gently, praying, meditating, journaling, talking with other addicts, etc.
It's a daunting package, but people find freedom from addictions of all sorts every day.
Of course our actions as active addicts are sinful, but I spent 30 years working hard on this addiction as a sin without making any progress at all. It wasn't until I began to regard it also as a psychological condition as well and to seek to address the psychological issues as well with a lot of help that I made any progress at all. Don't ignore that side of the problem.
Bedtime for me, but there's a quick list of a few tools for getting started. May you find the freedom you seek.
Tim M
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2010 12:23:03 GMT -7
Thanks, Tim for the great advice. I don't think I'm ready to share this with those closest around me. I feel I need an outlet such as this site to release what I've been holding in. After posting my confession of sin yesterday, I have felt a weight lift off of me. I haven't felt tempted at all today. I think that confessing and being held accountable to someone on a regular basis will help with my struggle.
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