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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2010 6:02:40 GMT -7
Hello,
I'm not quite sure how to title this, but basically what I'm asking about is how to avoid getting filled with lust just by seeing people in everyday life.
Porn is one thing... it's hard enough to avoid for those of us who have a problem with it, but at least it's something we CAN avoid... we can just not go to those sites or stop using the computer. But I can't avoid going to work, walking around town, etc. I see people I consider attractive and eventually it builds up lust and desire, and unfortunately I usually end up giving in to masturbation after a while.
I decided to give up porn a few months ago and have been doing OK... not 100% successful, I admit, but I erased all the pictures on my computer, and haven't been going to the sites I used to visit.
But "real life" lust continues to be a big problem.
Thank you for any help and support you can give me on this topic.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2010 8:47:38 GMT -7
People have a variety of strategies. Obviously looking away is one. I have a friend from one of my meetings who, when I talk about doing this, always says with an air of wonderful amazed naivete in his voice, "You didn't look, and you didn't die!"
Praying for the people we lust after can be a powerful tool. If I automatically pray for blessings upon her, then it can change everything.
Some people react with thoughts that are completely distracting. Another friend thinks about a STOP sign, or Niagara Falls and its grandeur, or George Washington, whom he greatly admires.
For me, surrender if a huge part of what recovery is about, and daily temptations can be a chance to practice and to reinforce surrender. I can't prevent the instant arising of the temptation, but I don't have to either embrace or engage it. I can step aside and let it go by, turning instead to Christ. I can pray reaffirming my powerlessness over this sort of temptation and my commitment to striving to do God's will. I can then turn the temptation over to God, asking that He take charge of this thing that I cannot manage in order that I might better do His will. And then, having stepped aside and turned it over, I can let it go. It's not my concern any longer. It's God's. He will remove it or not as He sees fit; either way, I can focus on doing the next right thing that's still on my plate.
No doubt there are other techniques as well.
Tim M.
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Post by mike on Aug 17, 2010 6:24:00 GMT -7
When encountering attractive women in public, I try to:
1. Focus on their looks from the neck up, and keep my eyes off their body.
2. Focus on the Lord and have an ongoing conversation with Him. Sometimes I might say something like, "Lord, my flesh would really like to look hard right now, so You're going to have to help me." Often I'll use scripture for a prayer, like verses found in Psalms 51 - "Father, create in me a clean heart..." The emphasis is not in fighting the temptation head to head, but shifting my focus to God and letting Him do the work. Sometimes I'll pray and ask God to help me to only want my wife. Every once in a while I might pray for the woman's husband, or father. It helps remind me that that person is someone else's wife, daughter or mother.
3. Keep my eyes moving (away from places they shouldn't go) and avoid as best I can those that might be a problem, such as a Victoria's Secret store in the mall.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2010 13:36:59 GMT -7
Hey Mike1978 - I have been feeling the same way as you. It's a struggle to avoid letting my eyes wandering everywhere I go. Even when driving to work on the highway! In fact, I thought a lot about this very issue today at work. We can get through this.
Thanks to Tim and admin Mike for your great advice. I will definitely try to implement some of those strategies in my everyday life. I think the conversations with God is probably the best start. The Bible says to pray without ceasing and I could definitely increase the amount of time I spend just talking with God and praying for others. I did some serious praying alone in my office today. I really felt the presence of the Holy Spirit there with me and the feelings sort of just melted away and I was free to concentrate on my work. Today was a good day.
God bless you all
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