Childhood Abuse & Trauma

I didn't read that book simply because of the title!  The title was a BIG turn off for me.  However, I did read her book called the "Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage".  I found it to be quite helpful.  She doesn't separate husband from wife and focuses just on marriage.

The last sentence sums up the entire book....."The Proper Care and Feeding of a Marriage is to GIVE, GIVE and GIVE some more - of your best self."  It seems to be the same message that I've gotten from other books about marriage.  In fact, it seems to be the same message we've heard thousands of times about life in general.  Aren't we rewarded ten-fold for giving?

Another book I read, "Every Woman's Desire" was a good read.  It was written by the same author who wrote "Every Man's Battle".  It starts out by focusing the husband to honor his wife because by doing so, you honor the marriage.  The book initially seemed to favor me, the wife, It was great for my ego since it told husbands to recognize the gifts wives bring to the marriage.  But I soon started questioning....was that fair?  What about the gifts a husband brings to a marriage?  It took a while but I finally got to the true meaning of what he was writing.  The message....everything you do should be for the sake of the marriage which may mean making concessions for your wife.  If you read beyond the word "wife" I believe the same would hold true for making concessions for your husband.  Again, the focus should be on the marriage and not the individual.

I realize that there is no "idealistic world" and that husbands and wives may find it difficult to "give" all the time....but it certainly is something to work towards!  The truly ultimate goal is to have a husband and wife both agree on that philosophy...then the rest will just fall into place.

Since I didn't read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands", I can't speak to that book directly.  However, what I have found in my readings is that you have to be open minded enough to read beyond the printed word.  Following the dictates of a book verbatim can be a recipe for disaster.  I wonder if your husband read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and if he did, did he take it literally?

As far as Dr. Schlessingers qualifications.....I take qualifications with a grain of salt.  I've seen that with "qualified" therapists, "qualified" doctors, "qualified" accountants and "qualified" plumbers!  Everyone has their own educational background, beliefs, experiences and views.  My grandmother was far less "qualified" than any therapist or psychologist and her much of her advice still stays with me today!  My view on "qualifications" is to read from different authors, talk to different "professionals", even look at different religions.  Take what makes sense and leave the rest!

I think I've read more books since my husband's "revelation" than I have in the past 2 years! The more I'm reading, the more I'm thinking and questioning.  I'm feeling better emotionally.....so that must be a good thing!

My best to all....

AllAlone