Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2010 7:32:10 GMT -7
Basically put, I'm a good, smart kid from a good Christian home who has fallen into this vicious cycle of porn and masturbation. I know what I ought to do, but I act out of impulse and the flawed thought that "I'll just look a little, it won't hurt." Obviously it does, and snowballs from a peek at lingerie into full blown pornography. The part that bothers me the most about how I respond to it is that I don't even feel remorse afterwards anymore. I'm a rather stoic guy in the first place, but I feel no emotion. The guilt coming repeatedly finally ate away at my emotions to where I'm bankrupt of them. This has been going on for about 4 1/2 years now, as I started half-way through 8th grade and just graduated high school. I know all the verses for this, I know how it's bad for me. The cognition isn't the problem. I know right and wrong better than just about anyone, but it no longer sinks in. I got on here not because I feel guilty, but because I'm almost looking at myself as another person, and this is an intervention. I know I'm a fool, tell myself regularly to keep myself from getting a big head (I have a reputation as a know-it-all). Anyway, yeah, it's me.