Cold Turkey????

Step 1 of the 12-step program says, "We admitted that we were powerless over <whatever our drug of choice is>, that our lives had become unmanageable."

Now, if I believe that, if I'm really powerless, then trying to control my use isn't an option.  I can't taper off, or only use on weekends, or never drink alone, or whatever.  I can't do those things because I'm powerless.

As long as I think I can use a little less, taper it off, control it, I haven't accepted powerlessness and therefore haven't taken the first step to freedom.  And this is how it worked for me.  I spent thirty years trying gradually to get stronger and to control my use.  At the end of those thirty years, I had no more power than at the start.

It's because I had a 30-40 year addiction history that quitting altogether is the only possible course for me.  In that way, I'm no different from an alcoholic or drug addict.

Is that quitting easy?  Of course not.  It's the hardest thing most of us will ever do.  Like any addict, I need counseling and 12-step support and prayer and meditation and journaling and a lot of hard work to make it possible.  Also like any addict, what makes recovery possible isn't anything I do.  It's learning to surrender in a way that allows me to accept a gift of power that isn't mine.

And it can take a long time.  Psychologists seem to talk about 2 years until one is just doing maintenance work to keep one's recovery intact.  There's more to it than that, though.  Addicts often slip.  Full-blown relapses are not uncommon.  I and several other addicts I know found year 3 hard and began slipping again after 2 years of what we thought was solid recovery.  I'm still working on getting back to that 2 year mark again.

That said, there is a lot of hope.  People really do recover from all kinds of addictions.  Unlike me, some people quit and never slip again.  I have a friend who decided after his second arrest that he was through for good, and who has not violated his bottom lines in over ten years.  I've still struggled at times, but I think my relations with my wife and kids are utterly different from my days as an active addict.  I'm not done growing by a long shot, but I'm a different person, as are many of my friends.

Now none of this is to express an opinion on what you should do for yourself.  It's perfectly reasonable to say, "I'm not up for years of this.  I need out."  It's perfectly reasonable to see what changes you see in 6 months or a year and to make a decision then.  But the quick answer from this addict's side of the fence is

- There is hope.
- There is no guarantee.
- Tapering off doesn't work.

My understanding of what happens if one goes to a rehab center for alcohol or drug addiction is that they want you off you drug as fast as they can get you off it without medically endangering your life.  Then the recovery begins.  It's the same with us, I think, except that withdrawal from porn never killed anybody.

Tim M.