Post by Denor on Jan 3, 2006 4:39:55 GMT -7
I'm not sure quite how to begin this, but I hope some people will hear me out and give their thoughts.
I am addicted to porn. I've been trying to hide it for so long, and trying to stop for years, but every time I just get pulled.
I am not a religious man - In some ways I wish I were, but to all those reading, let's leave religion out of it - This is not something i'm doing for any higher being.. I'm doing it because I need help and I don't know where to turn, i've become desperate.. I have nothing against religion, in fact I have nothing but respect, but it's something that I don't feel will help me..
My story is this: I am in a long-distance relationship with a woman and have been for a few years. Throughout this time i've been on and off porn like a yo-yo.. The most notable thing that really alerted me to the fact that I have a problem is when we had a discussion about our views on porn, and I pretended I didn't do it and gave my honest views - That it's wrong to do it, especially if you're in a loving relationship, and then I promised her I never would look at pornography.
And I kept that promise for about a month. But every so often it breaks, and I fall again.. I convince myself that i'll always feel this lust, so I might as well do it and keep it secret, but then after the first time I masturbate I feel overwhelmingly guilty and horrible, and I keep imagining her finding out and the only way to deal with that pain is to erase all trace and promise myself not to do it. This has gone on for so, so long.. It happens usually after she leaves on a long stay together, which happens every few weeks - I'm fine up until then, but once I am away from her I become desperate. Then that cycle starts over again..
On new years eve we got engaged. She proposed to me and I accepted, as I want to because I love her with all my being.. But again, as soon as she left my home I felt the urge and convinced myself it's not so bad to.. And now i've decided enough is enough.. I need SOMETHING to help..
I know that what i've been doing is wrong, and I can't talk to her about it because I am convinced she'd never look at me the same way if I told her the truth.. The most terrifying thing for me is that the thought of her leaving me over this isn't a deterrant enough, I just keep coming back and I can't anymore.. I don't want to do it, and I don't want to WANT to do it.. I wish I didn't desire it as I do.
Please, lend me your thoughts and your ears.. I need help, is there any way to stop craving it as I do? To break the cycle? I feel so hopeless..
I am addicted to porn. I've been trying to hide it for so long, and trying to stop for years, but every time I just get pulled.
I am not a religious man - In some ways I wish I were, but to all those reading, let's leave religion out of it - This is not something i'm doing for any higher being.. I'm doing it because I need help and I don't know where to turn, i've become desperate.. I have nothing against religion, in fact I have nothing but respect, but it's something that I don't feel will help me..
My story is this: I am in a long-distance relationship with a woman and have been for a few years. Throughout this time i've been on and off porn like a yo-yo.. The most notable thing that really alerted me to the fact that I have a problem is when we had a discussion about our views on porn, and I pretended I didn't do it and gave my honest views - That it's wrong to do it, especially if you're in a loving relationship, and then I promised her I never would look at pornography.
And I kept that promise for about a month. But every so often it breaks, and I fall again.. I convince myself that i'll always feel this lust, so I might as well do it and keep it secret, but then after the first time I masturbate I feel overwhelmingly guilty and horrible, and I keep imagining her finding out and the only way to deal with that pain is to erase all trace and promise myself not to do it. This has gone on for so, so long.. It happens usually after she leaves on a long stay together, which happens every few weeks - I'm fine up until then, but once I am away from her I become desperate. Then that cycle starts over again..
On new years eve we got engaged. She proposed to me and I accepted, as I want to because I love her with all my being.. But again, as soon as she left my home I felt the urge and convinced myself it's not so bad to.. And now i've decided enough is enough.. I need SOMETHING to help..
I know that what i've been doing is wrong, and I can't talk to her about it because I am convinced she'd never look at me the same way if I told her the truth.. The most terrifying thing for me is that the thought of her leaving me over this isn't a deterrant enough, I just keep coming back and I can't anymore.. I don't want to do it, and I don't want to WANT to do it.. I wish I didn't desire it as I do.
Please, lend me your thoughts and your ears.. I need help, is there any way to stop craving it as I do? To break the cycle? I feel so hopeless..
