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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2010 0:34:18 GMT -7
Hi Allalone,
Happy birthday! I'm glad you have such special time planned!
TruthSeeker
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2010 23:45:26 GMT -7
After the revelation of my husband's 23 year affair with porn and masturbation, I allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I suppose it provided "comfort" at some level, but for me, I stopped caring what my husband thought of my appearance. It was clear that the YEARS, no DECADES of self-denial in an attempt to remain attractive were for naught......so I allowed myself to eat whatever, whenever. As a result of this backlash, I easily gained 30 - 40 pounds and as a result of the revelation and this weight gain, my blood pressure is through the roof. I started taking blood pressure medicine within a week of finding his stash of porn. I now weigh more than I did when I was full-term with either of my children. RESOLUTION: ENOUGH! My self-care plan: 1. I am going to love myself enough to eat well and forgo the grab-n-go fast food. 2. I am going to eat to live not live to eat. 3. I am going to try to incorporate a walk into my daily routine. 4. I am going to try to lose weight so that I feel better and in an effort to reduce or eliminate the blood pressure medicine. 5. I will do all of this for me and for my well-being. I used to be addicted to porn and sex until I came across this book and applied its solutions. Now I simply cannot be seduced. your husband's sex addiction is not a reflection on you. rather it is that something is pulling and manipulating him. they use mind manipulation in porn. so no wife is safe from their husband being tricked and manipulated. This was the first time that I read that mind manipulation was being used. book: OPEN TO BLISS by Omid Mankoo I found his blog sagehope.wordpress.com
take care of yourself.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 7, 2010 1:08:30 GMT -7
Yesterday, I was reminded of how good the Lord is to me. Throughout, He has been merciful beyond measure. I am finding renewed strength. I am sure that is coming from the Lord.
Today's self-care: Find every opportunity to acknowledge the Lord's presence and influence in my life.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2010 7:43:40 GMT -7
Self-care of the Quarter:
Well Ladies, in August I joined a gym and hired a trainer. I haven't lost a lot of net weight as I took a couple of months off to care for my Mom, but I've been at it consistently now for six weeks. According to the trainer, I lost fat and gained muscle. I feel better than I have in decades.
If it is remotely within your budgets ladies.........do it...........even if it's a stretch. It's worth it. I've committed to working with the trainer twice a week for six months. My goal is to lose 60 pounds, so far, I'm down 5. Yeah, it's like taking a suitcase off a 747, but it's a start.
Do we have a 60 pound loss club?
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2010 14:25:34 GMT -7
Hi DW,
Congratulations! That is no small feat--you are nearly 10% toward your goal!
I have been focusing for a while on eating more healthfully, though I am tempted by occasional tidbits. I have also been working on being more faithful about the boring, day-to-day chores around the house, and my sense of accomplishment feels great!
TruthSeeker
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2011 5:09:10 GMT -7
Im sharing a bit of good news!
I started working with a trainer about a year ago. I weighed 218.4 pounds.
I just broke 200.0. In fact im now 199.0!!! I feel better than I have in years!!!
Best part of this, I am doing this exclusively for my health. I could care less what I look like or what "the husband" thinks. I'm doing this exclusively for ME and nothing can stop me now. Nothing.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2011 13:24:14 GMT -7
Congratulations! What a wonderful, healthy accomplishment!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2011 19:18:56 GMT -7
DW, that is truly brilliant!
Keep going!
I know how it feels to do something for "you", I feel stronger inside having stood up to this addiction that has entered our lives.
LadyP 
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2011 2:35:23 GMT -7
Thank you, Ladies. It really feels good to be able to make healthy choices about MY LIFE without regard to what the husband might think, say, do in response. This is really liberating.
And I am starting to feel like a survivor......rather than a victim. That too is liberating.
My best to all, DW
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2011 17:04:03 GMT -7
I am new here , just put all the puzzle pieces together in my 19 year marriage that my husband is a lust/porn addict. My self-esteem has suffered, I eat and drink too much over all of the betrayal , neglect and abandonement.
I am now going to start taking care of me and letting him, fix his own problems. He is for the first time ever admitting to his problem, and making some attempts at recover. He has joined this site , I am giving this mariage till January. If there is no change than I am done and going to file for divorce. This has gone on too long and I don't think he really truly thinks he has a problem, rather it's the marriage.
I am exercising 4 times a week and joined Food Addicts Anonymous and I have stopped eatting all forms of sugar including alcohol except for very special occasions.
Anyway glad to have found all of you I feel the same as all your posts, wow I am not alone anymore or crazy!!
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2011 3:39:25 GMT -7
Welcome Thunder!
Sounds like you are on the right path! Keep it up!
My best, DW
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2011 4:51:15 GMT -7
I haven't checked in here in about a month, so I want to list my accomplishments for the last month:
1. My weight is about the same, fluctuates up and down a couple of pounds, but I haven't managed to really lose any more weight. I have increased the weight and number of reps on my strength training, added more muscle and lost more fat.
2. I made an appointment to see my doctor and get some anti-depressants.
3. I joined a group for wives of intimacy anorexics. I've learned from this group that DAILY self-care is part of healing for wives.
Ladies, please do something nice for yourselves today. Whatever lifts your heart, propels you forward, alleviates stress or anxiety.......DO IT!
My best, DW
Edited to add: I FIRED THE THERAPIST TOO!!!! Now that was self-care at it's best. She had begun to blame me for the fact I wasn't getting better. Nice. And, she told me I should "invite your husband to tell you the truth." As if there hadn't been an open invitation to tell me the truth for, um, roughly 25 years. Pfft. And she had also told me that I should continue to try to pull communication and intimacy out of the addict.....as if doing the same thing that I've been doing for the last 25 years would somehow NOW produce a different result. Pfft. I wonder how much her influence stalled my healing. It felt good to fire her, that's for sure!!!!!!!!!
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2011 3:59:40 GMT -7
I worked out with my trainer yesterday and we did a new exercise......PUNCH THE TRAINER'S HANDS while lifting 12.5 pounds with each hand using the cable weights. It was wonderful.
I punched and punched and punched and it tapped into and released some of my anger. I felt energized and invigorated. I told him I need to do that exercise every time we meet. It seemed to allow me to tap more energy to perform better in other portions of my workout too.
"Stuffing" the genuine, righteous anger that we feel takes a serious physical toll on our bodies. We each need to find a way to release that anger to heal/protect our minds and bodies from the deadly effects of stress and anger.
Please take care of yourselves today and everyday.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2011 16:56:03 GMT -7
Thank You DW,
You are an inspiration and so intelligent. You have helped me so much, I always thought i was going crazy, but hearing other women who have lived with this, I feel so empowered to focus on me finally! The addict in my life has stolen all the attention! And i was so.duped into thinking i could fix him.
I just am very torn about splitting up, because of kids, but i dont like being in the same room with him and he is back to his minimizing.
Anyway Thank you!,
N2Bfree
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Post by Deleted on Aug 29, 2011 5:50:00 GMT -7
Thank you, Need2BFree.......
How old are your children? I stayed "for the kids" and I now believe that may have been a mistake. Keeping kids in an environment where there is active addiction doesn't strike me as a good idea. I wish I'd known then what I know now.
I look back over that period of my life and I describe myself as the mother who would give her children the last morsel of food, starving herself, so her kids could live. The net effect of that is, the kids are ultimately left without a mother.
Emotionally, I gave all to my kids, but eventually, I ran out of emotional energy. You need to guard against that, working to find a substitute for the emotional intimacy and conversation that you should be getting from your "husband," but aren't. Please don't starve yourself to death emotionally. That's not good for you, and it will effectively leave the children parentless.
Please take care of you.
My best, DW
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