Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2009 2:13:55 GMT -7
Hello, I'm Beatrix and I'm 17.
My story is pretty brief and straightforward. I became a porn and masturbation addict at 15. I have a wonderful family; loving parents and siblings. I have never been abused in anyway or molested. I began looking at porn, though, because I was lonely (I have never had a boyfriend, and only had one friend at the time who lived across the country) and curious (I have a curiosity so strong that it's a sin). I had just got a new laptop, and the parental controls were very weak. One day in January, I accidently ran across a porn image. One look was all I needed. I started coming back to look at it, then that lead to another, and then another, and so on. I would spend hours alone on the computer looking up every dirty thing I could think. I watched hundreds of porn videos, and even began to dabble in watching bestiality. I also masturbated while I watched. I made excuses to stay at home alone. At first I realy enjoyed watching porn, I couldn't live without it. Then I got tired of the same videos I kept watching. I needed more, something more extreme. I began wanting to go out and act on what I d seen. I got mad at God beause I was so stuck at home (I am also homeschooled), and that anger fueled more desire and lust. My grades fell like a falling rock off a cliff. I got into fights with my Mom. I couldn't keep my mind on anything, anymore, and lashed out at my family. Soon after my 16th birthday, I got tired of how my porn addiction was controlling me. I tried to stop, but, to my horror, I couldn't. I hadn't even realized that I was addicted until I tried to stop. I slipped into depression, my anger got worst and I began to consider suicide. Evenually, I began to cry out to God for help. But deep down I guess I really wasn't ready to give up porn or masturbation. And the circle contuined.
That year I recieved a Bible for Christmas. About four days after, I was at the end of my rope. I prayed to God that I would give myself to him completely and he could do anything he wanted with me, because I was better off dead than the situation I was in. That night I felt a presence enter my room, and I felt total peace. I went to sleep that night happy for the first time in quite a while.
I became a Christian, and began to change: My anger cooled, I praised God for not giving me a boyfriend and keeping me confined to home. If I had been able to go out into the world like I had wanted, who knows the things I would have done. But for a almost a year after, I couldn't completely kick the habit of porn. Soon after I started leaning on God to help me, I went through a period of time where I felt numb. I felt distant to God. During this time, I met a wonderful lady on a website. She is a preacher's wife, and has helped me in lots of ways. Over last year, I would go a little while without porn or masturbation, then I would slip and fall. She taught me how to get up again and contuine walking. A week ago, I gethered all my determination to quite watching porn and stop masturbating. I prayed hard for God to help, and I have been a week and a half without looking at a single image. I have felt tempted, but I managed not to give in. I almost gave in to masturbation last night, but stopped myself in time.
I haven't yet told my parents that I had a porn addiction. I plan to, soon. Porn addiction also wrecked my grades, and it will take a long time to fix it. But I finally feel close to God. I am very excited to have found this website.
Beatrix
My story is pretty brief and straightforward. I became a porn and masturbation addict at 15. I have a wonderful family; loving parents and siblings. I have never been abused in anyway or molested. I began looking at porn, though, because I was lonely (I have never had a boyfriend, and only had one friend at the time who lived across the country) and curious (I have a curiosity so strong that it's a sin). I had just got a new laptop, and the parental controls were very weak. One day in January, I accidently ran across a porn image. One look was all I needed. I started coming back to look at it, then that lead to another, and then another, and so on. I would spend hours alone on the computer looking up every dirty thing I could think. I watched hundreds of porn videos, and even began to dabble in watching bestiality. I also masturbated while I watched. I made excuses to stay at home alone. At first I realy enjoyed watching porn, I couldn't live without it. Then I got tired of the same videos I kept watching. I needed more, something more extreme. I began wanting to go out and act on what I d seen. I got mad at God beause I was so stuck at home (I am also homeschooled), and that anger fueled more desire and lust. My grades fell like a falling rock off a cliff. I got into fights with my Mom. I couldn't keep my mind on anything, anymore, and lashed out at my family. Soon after my 16th birthday, I got tired of how my porn addiction was controlling me. I tried to stop, but, to my horror, I couldn't. I hadn't even realized that I was addicted until I tried to stop. I slipped into depression, my anger got worst and I began to consider suicide. Evenually, I began to cry out to God for help. But deep down I guess I really wasn't ready to give up porn or masturbation. And the circle contuined.
That year I recieved a Bible for Christmas. About four days after, I was at the end of my rope. I prayed to God that I would give myself to him completely and he could do anything he wanted with me, because I was better off dead than the situation I was in. That night I felt a presence enter my room, and I felt total peace. I went to sleep that night happy for the first time in quite a while.
I became a Christian, and began to change: My anger cooled, I praised God for not giving me a boyfriend and keeping me confined to home. If I had been able to go out into the world like I had wanted, who knows the things I would have done. But for a almost a year after, I couldn't completely kick the habit of porn. Soon after I started leaning on God to help me, I went through a period of time where I felt numb. I felt distant to God. During this time, I met a wonderful lady on a website. She is a preacher's wife, and has helped me in lots of ways. Over last year, I would go a little while without porn or masturbation, then I would slip and fall. She taught me how to get up again and contuine walking. A week ago, I gethered all my determination to quite watching porn and stop masturbating. I prayed hard for God to help, and I have been a week and a half without looking at a single image. I have felt tempted, but I managed not to give in. I almost gave in to masturbation last night, but stopped myself in time.
I haven't yet told my parents that I had a porn addiction. I plan to, soon. Porn addiction also wrecked my grades, and it will take a long time to fix it. But I finally feel close to God. I am very excited to have found this website.
Beatrix
