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Freedom
Dec 28, 2009 10:11:01 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2009 10:11:01 GMT -7
I have tried to win this battle against porn alone. I have however, counseled with my pastor and we have studied the book Every Man's Battle together; a great book. I was very deep into sexual sin 2 years ago and it almost cost me everything. Luckily my wife has decided to stand by my side through this even though she doesn't understand it. I decided 2 years ago I would do anything to get this out of my life. I gave my life to Christ and repented. I have been clean up until recently I find myself going backward again and looking at things I shouldn't. I refuse to lose this war and so I know I need to do something so I don't fall into sexual sin again. I just don't know what to do. I'm willing to go to a support group if I can find one and/or find a accountability partner who has been through this. My pastor doesn't have much experience with this type of addiction. Any advice is much appreciated. Thank You!
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Freedom
Dec 29, 2009 1:07:15 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2009 1:07:15 GMT -7
Dear Brad,
Welcome! As I understand this addiction, it has a multi-faceted origin, so it needs a multi-faceted treatment approach. My husband has listened to the "Everyman's Battle" CD's. I have not, so if I repeat some of what you've already learned or done, please overlook that. I don't think it is reasonable to try to win this battle on your own. As I conceive of it, there are four prongs:
The psychological piece: I've read that a full 97 or 98% of sex addicts have an attachment disorder with one or both parents. A full 80% were sexually abused. This gives rise to an intimacy disorder. I think you need to examine your childhood and find the root causes here and heal them to the extent possible.
The Spiritual piece: The yearning for love that you tried to fill with porn was meant to be satisfied by a relationship with the Lord. I would hope that in working with your Pastor, he/she was able to help you place the Lord on the throne of your life, displacing all other false gods.
The Neurochemical piece: If you've been "sober" for two years, I would think that you are through the worst of the neurochemical withdrawal. Those who are involved with active addiction use the endogenous opiates produced by sexual arousal and orgasm as a drug addict uses cocaine or some other exogenous drug of choice. The porn addicted brain is not materially different than a cocaine addicted brain. The only difference is the source and strength of the chemicals.
The behavioral piece: When the urge strikes, you need to have a plan in place. You need to distract yourself by working out, walking, praying, etc.
If your wife has decided to stand by you, I would urge you to confide in her. Let her know that you're struggling again. She probably already suspects. This will undoubtedly open some old wounds, but if she's like me, her number one fear is that you will hide things from her and lie to her. I would hope that she would appreciate the honesty and help you to the extent possible. It could provide a bridge to a new level of intimacy in your marriage. I hope and pray that is so.
Battle plan: Find a Christian counselor who specializes in addiction, preferably sexual addiction. Join a support group like Sexaholics Anonymous. Get a sponsor and an accountability partner; someone who has walked this path before and can help you through the rough spots. For your wife, I recommend the following books: "An Affair of the Mind" by Laurie Hall, "Your Husband's Secret Wars" by Marsha Means, "The addictive Personality" by Craig Nakken, "Your Sexually Addicted Spouse" by Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means. Your wife needs the support of other women who have also walked this path.
I pray for God's healing and supportive hand to be upon you now and always. I'll be praying for you.
My best, Devastated Wife
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Freedom
Dec 29, 2009 13:45:38 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2009 13:45:38 GMT -7
Thank you for your response. Your suggestions mean a lot. Thank you. I will pass on the information to my wife. She will greatly appreciate it as well. As I mentioned before she doesn't understand the addiction and I'm sure that your reading suggestions will help shed some light on what I am dealing with, as well as something that can help her deal with it. I am trying to find good Christian counsel that I can trust, which for some reason has been very difficult. Do you, or anyone else for that matter, have any suggestions for counseling and/or support groups in the Colorado Springs area?
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Freedom
Dec 29, 2009 23:03:25 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2009 23:03:25 GMT -7
Hi Brad,
You might try: healingforthesoul.org
If they are not geographically close enough, I believe that they offer telephone counseling.
TruthSeeker
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Freedom
Dec 30, 2009 2:00:40 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2009 2:00:40 GMT -7
Welcome, Brad!
I certainly believe that working with others is essential to addiction recovery. I also think it's important to find people who really understand addiction, since people who haven't experienced addiction often end up giving us advice that makes sense but that we addicts can't actually apply. Counselors who really get it and fellow addicts are really essential to us.
I'm a long way from Colorado, but there's a list of 60 S-related 12-step meetings in Colorado at srjct.com/csg/schedule.php . Several of those are in Colorado Springs.
On the therapist front, one place to start would be with therapists with CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) certification. There's a tool for finding such folks at www.iitap.com/find_csat.cfm . I counted 4 in Colorado Springs. A sensible approach might be to talk to several of them and decide who you think you hit it off with best. That way you have a sense of what the field looks like, and you've made some commitment to a person at the point you start.
May you find the freedom you seek!
Tim M.
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Freedom
Dec 31, 2009 2:13:04 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2009 2:13:04 GMT -7
Thank you so much for the valuble information. I now have a place to start and a plan.
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