Post by Deleted on Nov 19, 2009 3:36:38 GMT -7
Where do I begin?
I have been married for 17yrs to a sex/porn addict. He had issues before we were married but I thought that that was due to the fact that he was not a Christian. He became a Christian or so I thought before we married and I watched him throw all of his magazines and videos away, he also stopped drinking. I also saw a difference in the way he acted. So I married him.
Shortly after our first child was born, we moved to be closer to his family, who were not Christians. He started hanging out with his old friends etc and I watched our marriage start to deteriorate. Internet became available and easily accessible. I confronted him several times over the years and he said he could take it or leave it. 2 more kids later and he was still sneaking peeks at the porn infact he bought a laptop and had it password protected so I could not check up on him. I talked to him and our pastor told him we needed counceling and he refused to go saying he did not have a problem.
I in the meantime am pregnant with #4 and I was a very large woman and not comfortable with myself. I did not like the fact that he looked at porn and then crawled into bed with me and wanted to be intimate. Who was he thinking of? Me or the person on the internet site. I finally got fed up with him and told him it is either me or the porn not both. Well you can guess he chose the porn. I thought maybe if I did something about my weight that that would change things. I had gastric bypass surgery 15 months ago and have lost 140 pounds. I feel great about myself. Our marriage didn't change. He stopped going to church and made up excuses etc not to go. I came home on afternoon and found that his computer had not shut down properly so I took advantage and checked his history and found a couple of questionable sites. A couple weeks later I got an anonymous phone call back in April of this year from a concerned parent of one of my husbands students saying she was out with some friends and saw my husband in a bar in another town with another woman. He was slapping her on the butt, kissing her etc. She thought I should know this. I immediately called my pastor and we along with an elder confronted him. You can imagine his reaction. He was very angry that I did this. I have found that this his physical affairs have been going on for about 4 years. Weight was not the issue his girlfriend is 100 pounds more than me. He belongs to a Swing club with this person and there are pictures of them together on the internet, the sites I found on his history. I threw him out thinking maybe he would wake up but instead of going to his parents he went and moved in with her. I was hoping for reconciliation but I highly doubt that that will ever happen. I filed for divorce in order to get physical custody of our kids. The divorce should be final next month, I have the church's blessing.
I feel just awful. How could I have been so blind. Was I wrong in doing what I did. His mom says it is all my fault for neglecting him and that I told him to go elsewhere. She also said that porn is just something that men do and we women have to put up with it.
Barb
I have been married for 17yrs to a sex/porn addict. He had issues before we were married but I thought that that was due to the fact that he was not a Christian. He became a Christian or so I thought before we married and I watched him throw all of his magazines and videos away, he also stopped drinking. I also saw a difference in the way he acted. So I married him.
Shortly after our first child was born, we moved to be closer to his family, who were not Christians. He started hanging out with his old friends etc and I watched our marriage start to deteriorate. Internet became available and easily accessible. I confronted him several times over the years and he said he could take it or leave it. 2 more kids later and he was still sneaking peeks at the porn infact he bought a laptop and had it password protected so I could not check up on him. I talked to him and our pastor told him we needed counceling and he refused to go saying he did not have a problem.
I in the meantime am pregnant with #4 and I was a very large woman and not comfortable with myself. I did not like the fact that he looked at porn and then crawled into bed with me and wanted to be intimate. Who was he thinking of? Me or the person on the internet site. I finally got fed up with him and told him it is either me or the porn not both. Well you can guess he chose the porn. I thought maybe if I did something about my weight that that would change things. I had gastric bypass surgery 15 months ago and have lost 140 pounds. I feel great about myself. Our marriage didn't change. He stopped going to church and made up excuses etc not to go. I came home on afternoon and found that his computer had not shut down properly so I took advantage and checked his history and found a couple of questionable sites. A couple weeks later I got an anonymous phone call back in April of this year from a concerned parent of one of my husbands students saying she was out with some friends and saw my husband in a bar in another town with another woman. He was slapping her on the butt, kissing her etc. She thought I should know this. I immediately called my pastor and we along with an elder confronted him. You can imagine his reaction. He was very angry that I did this. I have found that this his physical affairs have been going on for about 4 years. Weight was not the issue his girlfriend is 100 pounds more than me. He belongs to a Swing club with this person and there are pictures of them together on the internet, the sites I found on his history. I threw him out thinking maybe he would wake up but instead of going to his parents he went and moved in with her. I was hoping for reconciliation but I highly doubt that that will ever happen. I filed for divorce in order to get physical custody of our kids. The divorce should be final next month, I have the church's blessing.
I feel just awful. How could I have been so blind. Was I wrong in doing what I did. His mom says it is all my fault for neglecting him and that I told him to go elsewhere. She also said that porn is just something that men do and we women have to put up with it.
Barb