Post by faithinthedarkness on Aug 1, 2008 7:38:22 GMT -7
I'm a new member here and I'm addicted to masturbation. I'm only 19 and I'm female. I know it might seem strange for a female to have this problem. It makes me more ashamed of it. What I have a concern about it that whenever I fantisize I think about my female friends. I don't know why I do this. I'm heterosexual. The only thing I think of why I might do this is because the friends I think about are safe people to me. My addiction stems from my past. I was sexually abused and raped at 3 or 4 and again from age 10 or 11 to two months before I turned 18. I was scared to death when my abuser (my brother) touched me, but when I was alone, I would do what he did to me to explore the feelings it gave me. I was so confused. My fantasy and my masturbation seems to be separate. I fantasize to feel safe about sex. When I masturbate, it's like I'm raping myself. The only thing that makes some sense it that I might think about my female friends when I fantisize because they make me feel safe and loved. Feelings I've gone quite a while without. I just don't understand it very well. Does anyone have any insight on this? Please help! God bless you and thanks for reading.
i am sammy. i know exactly what you are feeling. i have been there myself. i am so sorry you have been hurt the way you have. i think the reason you are fantasizing about your female friends is because they are safe for you to think about. you have been deeply wounded by a guy and girls seem less threatening. i certainly know how that feels. i actually thought i was a lesbian when i was younger because i took that fear of guys and acted on an attraction to other girls. i really wish i had never experimented with that, but it is too late to change the past. i am so proud that you see your need to be free of the addiction to masturbation. i would be happy to be an accountabilty partner for you if you like. i will certainly be in prayer for you.
Post by doleorequiem on Nov 2, 2009 10:40:43 GMT -7
I have found in many of my problems, many issues are caused by "Associations". The association or normal circumstances with unhealthy thoughts. For example, when your brother did those things, you associated them with as you said: fear, disgust, etc. There's something in us, a survival mechanism, that will associate thoughts that are not from God with actions that are beyond our control.
Guilt is something we often feel for physical stimulation during an inappropriate time. My first experience with another man was nothing short of painful torture. It was horrible. But my mind assigned things to it: Like in a way, I did enjoy it. In a truly perverse way, as my first sexual act with another human being, my brain was immediately wired incorrectly.
What Satan will often do is put a wall of fear around these painful, traumatized areas of your mind. This is to keep you from finding out the truth about what happened, and why you feel the way you do.
Please understand something I have learned. Oftentimes, when you are in the middle of a sin, Satan will attach other thoughts, too. Please try to understand that I am trying to give this as an example: During the viewing of pornography when I was very young, seeing some nasty things on the TV, Satan put into my mind, me in the place of the woman. Satan saw a weakness, and took advantage of it. Unbridled thoughts of lust were stimulated, and an addiction was formed.
This, with the fact that my brain and body had already suffered so much trauma, put me in a terrible place.
The times when I got my biggest breakthroughs (And I am by no means "cured", BTW) were when I was so sick and tired of the addiction, the shame, that I literally ran headlong into the fear, the terror, the shame, everything that seems to bounce your attention off of it. It was then that God worked in me to show me so much about my torment.
When, with Gods help you learn about these associations, you will begin to actually understand and make sense of these addictions and feelings. Please, today, ask God to show you the truth about your addiction. There is healing, there is so much good for you, your future is very bright. However, it is also a battle, a struggle, and growing in God is rarely something that has been fun, or easy for me. I'll be honest with you, there were times I entertained the thought of solace in death, rather than moving forward.
I hope you will take my words and pray about them, and ask God to show you the truth about your situation.
Magnopere patior. Da mihi, Deus, lupoque meo requiem æternam.
In my opinion, when you think about your female friends, it is because you crave love... Women are usually more sensitive and heart oriented than men are.
When you were raped, it is likely your heart was closed off to men, in a way. So in your damaged soul, only women can care for you, you believe. But this is not true... You were damaged severely when you were young... Thankfully, God is willing, and wants to heal us.
JakeW.. I agree with your post in many areas. We all crave "love" and "God is willing, and wants to heal us." I do believe once we start healing, the real meaning of Love starts to appear. I think so many both men and women confuse love and lust. I know I thought they were a combo package, but I don't think that any more.
Amymine712: I will be praying for your situation Tee
Sept 18, 2018 17:49:12 GMT -7
teetop: It seems that I have offended many here on Blazing Grace and to that end I am sorry.
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teetop: Both requests have been acted on and I am sorry I've offended anyone here on Blazing Grace. Virgil
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Amymine712: Tee, how are you doing?
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teetop: To answer your question Amy, not so good today. Too many things rearing their ugly head all at once.
Oct 19, 2018 18:54:40 GMT -7
teetop: Pro 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. Pro 3:6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. ]
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ridat: Teach me Your way, ADONAI, that I may walk in Your truth. Give me an undivided heart to fear Your Name.
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freerein: Wife of an addict here trying to gain wisdom.
Dec 2, 2018 21:58:15 GMT -7
Amymine712: Welcome freerein. I moved your thread to the wife's section so that the wives would be more likely to see it. You are welcome to post everywhere on the forums.
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Dominic M.: Praying for us.
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zat: Thank you guys for the approval. I hope to find the sharing platform here.
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Dominic M.: how is everyone out there?
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teetop: Doing great Dominic. Thanks for asking. A slight bout of pneumonia that the VA Doctor said I had, ha, ha! (Horse pills now.)
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Dominic M.: For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins, But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries. Hebrews 10:26-27 KJV
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