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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2005 6:24:14 GMT -7
Well hello all.
An introduction ... where to begin.
I am a pornography addict and have been struggling with this in various forms since becoming a christian 12 years ago at the age of 18. I was first exposed to pornography at the age of 10 or so.
I need to stop this, it is poisoning my marriage and it is eating my soul and I want it to end.
Please pray for me.
Funnily enough, what brought me to the realisation that I must get past this as soon as possible was an article I read on the pornography culture that had a comment from a former playboy bunny about how Hugh Hefner enjoys himself these days. Apparently, inspite of having young nubile women ready to have sex with him (which is apparenlty every mans fantasy, but I don't think I understand that anymore) he masturbates alone to gay porn while the women are with each other.
It occured to me that despite not being Hugh Hefner, Iwas really on the same road.
Jason
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2005 7:00:24 GMT -7
Jason,
Welcome to the forums. You're not alone in your struggles.
One big question - Is this all a secret from your wife?
RTK
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2005 7:05:23 GMT -7
That depends what you mean.
She knows I struggle with this, but it upsets her a lot when I try to talk to her about it.
So generally we don't talk about it.
Which I am sure is a bad approach, but I don't know what to do about it.
I don't want to upset her, but I know the issue has to be more out in the open.
I suspect, and no doubt i'll get told off for thinking this but, that if I can get clean for while (say a month, i'm at 4 days currently, but it is a start ) then that will make it easier to talk about and get her support. The trick is getting to that point.
Jason
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2005 8:32:27 GMT -7
At least you are willing to accept that you have issues,sand are willing to try to talk about this with your wife, for which she should be very grateful. My husband denies there is an issue, therefore, he refuses to talk about it, and when I try, it becomes a full blown battle. Good Luck, and remember that we are here, and praying for you:)
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2005 15:52:34 GMT -7
Thanks for the welcome.
I know there is a problem, I have for a long time. The challenge is to deal with it. I understand why my wife doesn't want to know, she doesn't understand and thinks it is because I don't find her attractive. But that is not true. Although it is true that I find her less attractive when I use because it warps my perception, it is not true that a I use because I don't find her attractive. If you see the distinction.
But I don't like to burden her with it because she doesn't understand. So I am in search of a group to get help from located in Sydney Australia. And I am reluctant to ask directly at Church. No doubt i'm being stupid, and I realise as such. If the offer was made from the front I would take it up, but it has not, and so I am reluctant.
Oh well. I'm sure participating here will help. 4 days so far. Now I just need to find a rubber band.
Jason
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Post by Deleted on Nov 28, 2005 1:09:32 GMT -7
Hey, Jason! 4 days is good! Isn't the Hills church in Sydney? I think this is what it's called...anyway, sometimes larger churches will have more available, even if you don't attend there.....or possibly some sort of counseling ministry in your area would have something. Thanks for the explanation about communicating this to your wife. Every woman is a little different in what they want to or need to hear. I personally have wanted to know more, but my husband is not one to explain the ins and outs of how his attraction towards me is affected by the porn or by fantasy, so this was helpful for me to hear.....and, yes, I understood the difference. Prayed for you and your wife. captivated
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Post by Deleted on Nov 28, 2005 5:52:09 GMT -7
Hey, Jason! 4 days is good! Isn't the Hills church in Sydney? I think this is what it's called...anyway, sometimes larger churches will have more available, even if you don't attend there.....or possibly some sort of counseling ministry in your area would have something. Thanks for the explanation about communicating this to your wife. Every woman is a little different in what they want to or need to hear. I personally have wanted to know more, but my husband is not one to explain the ins and outs of how his attraction towards me is affected by the porn or by fantasy, so this was helpful for me to hear.....and, yes, I understood the difference. Prayed for you and your wife. captivated no worries. 5 days now. :dude: I'll have to see what I can find. I have some theological differences with groups like Hill's, so they would not be a first port of call. No worries about the explanation. I actually think, in truth, you would not want to know anything about your husbands thought life in this regard. It is not likely to be pretty, and I would not share how that works with my wife for any amount of money. Not in a direct and concrete way. Thanks for the prayers. Jason
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Post by Deleted on Nov 29, 2005 6:05:23 GMT -7
Hi Jason,
I applaud your willingness to address this extremely tender but very serious topic. You have joined a vast minority of men/women who have the courage to talk openly about this difficult struggle. Congratulations on your 5 days, keep up the work.
As far as discussing with your wife, this is something that I wrestled with for many years and still struggle with the details. We've come to a point though where we can discuss parts of it that can help our relationship. She is a wife who wants to know it all. I'm not suggesting that you share it all with your wife, but my guess is that she will want to know more as you progress in recovery.
My addiction was fueled by deceitfullness and lies, so it has been healthy for me to share my innermost thoughts with her. I don't have all the answers but want you to know that you're not alone, and if you have any questions or thoughts, I'd be happy to discuss with you.
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