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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2008 10:29:36 GMT -7
I am caught in a terrible cycle of masturbation and have been for the past 14 years. I am someone who truly wants to serve God properly but I cannot make any significant progress spiritually until I sort this oout - yet I don't know how. I really don't.
I might as well be blunt - I have a liking for pantyhose and I have a real urge to masturbate when I see a woman in them; I also get aroused by wearing them. This has also led to looking at pornography and it is all fed by my desire to masturbate.
I have tried and tried to stop but to no avail. I have lost count of the number of times that I've cried to God for forgiveness, yet a day or two later I fall again. In my heart I can honestly say that I want to be rid of this and to grow as a Christian. Yet I'm also honest enough to say that a part of me enjoys it and doesn't want to fully let it go. I'm like two different people at times - I don;t know if that makes any sense. There's the logical me that really is so determined to beat this; then there's the lustful me that is determined to fulfil my desires.
I am also a very indisciplined person. I beieve that a more regular quiet time with God would help, yet that's something I've always struggled with doing regularly. And of couse my sexual sin makes it more difficult.
Please please offer some advice. I want this to be the time that I can stop, yet I'm mindful of all the times I've wanted this before.
What can I do? I'm at my wits end and almost feel like giving up.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2008 11:41:21 GMT -7
oh my goodness sparky,
you just echoed my hearts cry as well. i desperately want to give up my sinful behavior but i also deperately want to keep on doing it. i certainly know EXACTLY how you feel. i cannot offer you any life changing advice about how to stop this because i have not even been able to stop, but i can tell you this. you are not alone... just knowing i am not alone sometimes pulls me through some very rough times. i often feel like i want to give up, but i always come back. god paid a very high price for me and you, and he is not going to leave us alone. he loves us no matter what. don't ever give up my friend...
bless you,
sam
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Post by Deleted on Apr 6, 2008 8:37:12 GMT -7
First of all i would like to say i love you both and understand exactly where you are coming from.
Sparky i appreciate you being blunt about your feelings however i would like to encourage you to be more vague in the specifics of the triggers that cause you to fall. If you describe them here the can act as triggers for others that struggle.
I have also been caught in a horrible cycle of lust, porn, fanatasy and maturbation for many years. After this long period of time your addition takes over a big part of your life. I am very familiar with the feeling of split personality. For me i always think of the movie "Dr jekyll and Mr hyde" from 1931 (great movie by the way) which personifies this so well. Is it not a bizarre feeling of one moment being in church or at home and experiencing God's love or presence and thinking....this time it is going to be different, only to be masturbating to some disgusting images or pictures hours later?
I usually feel very pathetic an unloveable (even by God) after that.
We are God's prized creation (made in His image) and are very complex beings. That is why no one has all the answers to why we became sex addicts and all the underlying reasons for them.
I honestly belive that the biggest factor (even though there are others) is a spirtual one. We need to surrender to God. All the aspects of our life. Surrender is a dirty and cowardly word in our socitey but when we surrender to God it is the beginning of joy (supersedes happines) and gives the Holy Spirit a chance to fill us and work in our life. And that is where our power comes from, God's Holy Spirit.
From my experience the worse thing you can do is try and fight the tempation to lust on your own. You will certainly lose. There is no point fighting that battle.
What i am working on is trying to surrender to God which part of me is stubbornly refusing. I still want to make my own decisions in life and do what i want to do! But the more i surrender to God the more joy i get and the more power i get, that is lust then seems trival to me and has less attraction.
Some examples of me surrending to God are turning away from isolation and regularily attenting church, bible study and recently a 12 step sex addiction group even though it was very tough moving out of my comfort zone as a extremely shy person but i know it is God's will for me.
I don't have all the answers and am not surrended to God enough yet. But i truly believe that when i get to that point lust will not hold any attraction to me and i will take delight in the Lord instead.
So perhaps if you honestly seek God when you have a few moments of sanity from the sea of lust try and seek his will for you in this area. Take an honest and fearless inventory of yourself. Should you get rid of cable? The television alltogher? Change where you walk to avoid magazine covers? Do you lay in bed to long in the morning and are overwhelmed there? Well it all depends on what God speaks to you.
Just my two cents.
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Post by mike on Apr 18, 2008 4:09:35 GMT -7
>I am also a very indisciplined person. I beieve that a more regular quiet time with God would help, yet that's something I've always struggled with doing regularly. And of couse my sexual sin makes it more difficult.
Please please offer some advice. I want this to be the time that I can stop, yet I'm mindful of all the times I've wanted this before.
As was mentioned elsewhere, don't try to do this alone. I suggest not only a support group, but at least one other man you can call when you're feeling weak. If you can get 3-4 men who you can call, even better. Try posting once a week here to let people know how you're doing so they can encourage you.
The shame gets broken as we relate our sins to others and move into God's forgiveness and grace. This takes time; it doesn't happen overnight, especially when we've trained our mind to go to shame and sin for an extended period of time.
Start memorizing scripture, so you can give your mind another path to go to, even if it's a small verse here and there.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 20, 2009 3:46:36 GMT -7
You need to know that God doesn't care how many times you fall, as long as you stand back up again and repent and decide to keep on going. He knows why we sin, he came to earth as a man so he understands what we're feeling inside and what we're going through. Ask Holy Spirit to convict you of sin, that you would hate sin and masturbation like he hates it and that you would love righteousness like he does. And it sounds to me like yplou never had a father figure to love as he should have. Ask God to reveal and bring about people (men) in your life who will lobe and father you. And don't forget, God is the greatest father of all. Keep on keepin' on, I'll pray for you.
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