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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2008 3:11:39 GMT -7
Hello, Sam.
Jesus isn't the giver of struggling and weariness. "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28). Are you seeking him with all your heart, or is the loyalty of your heart being pulled in more than one direction?
Sexual temptation promises fun but can only deliver it laced with wormwood.
Instead of "fun," Jesus promises joy, and this in turn takes away weariness. "Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength" (Nehemiah 8:10).
To love God is, among other things, to delight in what he delights in. He delights in chastity. Do you?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2008 5:47:59 GMT -7
thanks paulos. you are asking me what i have been asking myself for quite a while now. sadly, i am still unsure of the answer. there are times that i do desire and love god with a passion, but other times i do not. times when i seek him with every fiber of my being and other times when i do not want to be near him because of the conviction i feel over my sin. i know god has not moved away from me, he is calling me and i have to throw down everything that takes my attention from where it needs to be.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2008 8:04:33 GMT -7
over the weekend, i went a little further. pushing the envelope i guess. i tried something that i thought i wanted, but found it utterly lacking in satisfaction.
i do want to share a prayer that i prayed last night. i have been trying to figure everything out. my motives, my wounds, just everything that drives this addiction in me. i have been thinking that if i knew what my causes were, the triggers and all, that i would be equipped to rid myself of this. i am beginning to see i am wrong with that mindset. i don't have to understand this. i only have to give it all over to god. everything. once and for all. so i told god that i don't know what i need, but i trust that he does. i asked him to heal whatever wounds i have and teach me what i need to learn for me to get better. i am resting in the fact that he heard my prayer and will be faithful to me.
sam
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2008 3:53:38 GMT -7
Sam,
You're right. Self-analysis can be helpful but alone it isn't the solution. Daily cleaving to God is the core of all solutions.
When the personality is functioning as it should, the intellect apprehends God's ethical truth in its beauty, the affections respond with desire, and this rightly-directed desire gives momentum to the will to do the good. In our fallen state, however, the intellect is fogged by sin and deceived about where happiness is to be found, therefore the affections run after the wrong things and the will gets pulled off the rails, resulting in behaviors destructive of the created order, including the self. Listening to God in scripture corrects the intellect theoretically, but the affections don't fall into line at once out of their bad habits. In the early stages of rebuilding especially, the will has to follow the intellect directly and assert itself over rampant feelings. Otherwise it gets torn between the truth seen by the intellect, and the old habits desired by the affections.
How good are you at asserting mind over feelings? If you're a spontaneous person geared to the moment, this may feel extremely unnatural at first. Like being told by a violin teacher that your left elbow needs to be under the instrument it's holding, not out to the side where it feels comfortable. Only after hours of practice does it become plain that out to the side in fact hampers one's best efforts.
So also when we start responding to God's ethical will. Repeatedly, old cravings rise up and say, "But I really, really want such-and-such." One has to be authoritarian with oneself and say, like a strict mother, "No, that's not good for me. I won't do it no matter how my feelings might clamor. God's will for me in this moment is to be getting on with (whatever obligation I have to my spouse, family, employer, etc.). I'm going to put my heart into that instead."
The value of accountability is that others can help keep us undeceived about having made a sound decision to pursue God's will at times when we wonder, because it's so awkward and unnatural to our fallen nature, whether we're doing the right thing; and can cheer us on at critical moments when the will totters between leading the affections and following them. But self-analysis and accountability are only helps. At the end of the day it comes down to repentance that flows into obedience, and the point of orientation for both is God.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2008 2:50:52 GMT -7
i am going for sober again. i had a chat account that started off pretty innocent, then before i knew it, i was collecting online lovers as if my life depended on it. this morning, it is gone. i had a fantastic time with my hubby over the weekend and i felt god telling me that i am continuing to pursue things in my life that do not account for anything other than distracting me from what i need to be doing. he has called me to a higher purpose and out of fear, i have been turning my back on that calling.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2008 6:44:21 GMT -7
Hello, Sam. You are most welcome back. I'm always concerned for your spiritual welfare when you are silent on the boards for a while, and have been praying for you. Can you identify exactly what it is you fear about approaching God?
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Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2008 8:03:14 GMT -7
hey paulos, thank you so much for the concern and most esp the prayers. you are such a wonderful encouragement to me.
i am not so much afraid of approaching god per se. it is just that god has specifically told me to do something that i am afraid to do. i know it is his will for me and i have been running in the opposite direction, in turn making myself an easy target for the evil one. my time of running has to end and i have to follow his will for my life. please keep those prayers up, i know i am in for many spiritual battles, as we all who are seeking him are.
bless you.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2008 4:06:35 GMT -7
last week was hard. i missed having the male attention i had grown used to receiving. but there has been a shift in my attitude. i can't really explain it. i feel stronger, hopeful. is this it? am i finally experiencing a taste of freedom from this compulsion? i am afraid to get my hopes up too high. i hate failing. i have done it so many times, but somehow this feels different.
i am still m'ing on a daily basis, but the frequency is not as much. i am not really as concerned with that at the moment. don't get me wrong, i do want to stop that too, but right now, i must stop acting out with strangers.
sam
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2008 1:50:01 GMT -7
no sex chatting in one week.... oh yeah!!! feeling stronger every day. of course i have been tempted, but standing on the promise that i have a way out. i don't have to live like that anymore. i will be free. amen.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2008 10:42:07 GMT -7
Sam,
Well done. Each day lived in accordance with your objective is something to rejoice in. A week is a milestone.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2008 6:14:27 GMT -7
i have not sex chatted in almost three weeks. i am so proud of that! however, this morning has been very hard for me for some reason. i think it is the realization that it has been about a month (or a little longer, i have lost track) since i have been able to be intimate with my hubby. the desire to get male attention is very strong at the moment, but i do not plan on giving in. the little voice keeps telling me to go to my fav "pick-up spot" on the web and get a new guy to play with, but i hate that side of myself. i want that part of me to die and go away forever! anyway, i am not giving in, i will fight this with the power of the lord.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 26, 2008 5:17:21 GMT -7
three weeks today! no sex chatting, no pics, no acting out with anyone at all. very tempted at times, but am determined to be strong.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 26, 2008 6:28:59 GMT -7
Hi Sam,
I am rejoicing with you. Just keep drawing closer to the Lord and the lures of the Enemy will pale in comparison.
TruthSeeker
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2008 1:37:27 GMT -7
ONE MONTH!!!
it has been an entire month since i have acted out with any other person in any way. thank you god! i still have the desire to do it, but am resolved to not give in to that temptation any more.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2008 2:15:25 GMT -7
Rejoicing with you, Sam! :-)
TruthSeeker
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