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Nov 13, 2005 18:11:40 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 13, 2005 18:11:40 GMT -7
Hello. I am a 19yo that has been looking at porn since I was 13yo. I started looking at porn after I got saved, so it wasn't taken away from me when I got saved like some of you. When I began to masturbate I looked at porn all the time but now I only do it once a week usually. It has hurt me and made me anti social all through my life. I have hurt God and been a reproach on Him for far to long, and I feel hopeless. Countless times I promised God I would stop but I went right back to it. I have tried everything I know to do, but maybe this forum will help me. I never told anyone else because I am very anti social, I spend most of my time alone and I like it. I don't have many friends or a girlfriend, so I don't have anyone I can talk to. My family wouldn't understand, I would be on the next bus out of here. Just an hour ago I let sin be my master again, but I want to stop! I thought about using a porn blocker but I don't have anyone to set the password for me, and I am a computer wiz so I could easily figure out my way around it. My problem isn't with lust for women, that has passed, or with masturbation, that isn't even fun to me, but it is with porn. Sometimes I will get an idea of some new porn I could look up I haven't looked up before or recently and it will burn in me till I do it. Yes I masturbate while I look at it, but I don't even like it. Sometimes I hate to even look at the porn but I still do it. I have considered getting rid of my computers but I need them to talk to my friends, play games, do school work, and to look up information. If I had a rock solid, encrypted, non-service porn blocker it would be great. But still no one to set the password. What am I to the Lord that He still cares about me? I've lied to Him continually and done what I knew was wrong before, during, and after. What is there for me on this Earth but sorrow? I used to be disciplined and unwavering in my service to God, now I'm a pathetic shell that can't help but google up porn. I really hope and pray you guys can help me.
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Nov 16, 2005 11:16:36 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2005 11:16:36 GMT -7
ShadowWolf,
I posted my intro earlier. Your story has been much the same as mine. Mine has had more consequences because here I am 21 and getting a grip on things. I have hurt someone very very deeply with what i've done, and I tell ya I honestly dont think ill ever do it again, but I say that now with resentment in me.
You like computers obviously. So do I. You really can do so much with them ya know? But ShadowWolf....its costed me what ive considered most dear. The Bible says if the eye causes you to sin, it would be better to pluck it out. So I'm saying get rid of the internet.
Dont tell yourself you'll get a grip....I did that and kept my computer in my room and the internet.....now ive lost everything. Don't do the same. You know as well as I that it only takes one little thought to look at porn and its a click away.
Tomorrow Im deleting everything off my computer, and im giving it away. And if at the end of the month the internet will be cut off. If I need to use the internet I have a neighbor, and the local library, and my local college. So ill be in public view with everything I do. So even if im tempted.....the means wont be there.
Before you outsmart yourself remember.....I decided I could get a handle.....now ive stabbed my fiancee in the heart, made a fool of her for trusting me, and I cant do anything to help her. Dont let this cost you more than it has. I really dont mind going to wherever you live and taking it out for you if thats what it takes.
Once you get rid of it too.....you'll be alive....truely alive.....and you'll reap the benefits. I read in a great book once....."Dont try to think of what will make people come alive, you become alive, because thats what the world needs, people who have become alive". It's so very true. When I met my fiancee I hadnt looked at porn in I dont know how long but it was a while. I was alive. And she was crazy for me. For 19 years she never even dated anyone. She wanted nothing to do with guys because she didnt trust them. But she fell for me, God's blessing obviously. I ruined it, but it didnt have to turn out that way.
By the way what state do you live in? I'm in Virginia. Please keep in touch. I wanna know how things are going for you.
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Nov 22, 2005 3:15:19 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 22, 2005 3:15:19 GMT -7
Quentin,
Interesting thoughts on getting rid of the internet. We have our computer in an open area. That helps quite a bit. One more step if you're up to the challenge, get rid of the t.v while you're at it.
We have not had a t.v. in 19 years. We won several, inherited one or two, been offered several more- and we did not want them. We have kids and they have not missed much of anything - nor do they want a tv. Two reasons I don't want a t.v. 1)It is a waste of time for the most part and 2)There is too much sexual stuff that trips my triggers (nuff said).
Free advice to you and Shadowolf- or anyone out there contemplating marriage: Before I got married , my wife and I listened to a tape by Dr. Ed Wheat (?). He suggested that during the first year of marriage a couple should get rid of the t.v. That was almost 20 years ago - the computer was not around. These days, I might even recommend no computer in the home for the first year of marriage. It might be a challenge...but hey, focus your energies on you new spouse and enjoy life!
RTK
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Hello
Nov 22, 2005 6:44:38 GMT -7
Post by isolated on Nov 22, 2005 6:44:38 GMT -7
shadowwolf and quentin you guys are real troopers resist the devil and he will flee from you and if you ask God for wisdom he will give it also to much isolation is not good God bless you both brother Glen
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Nov 22, 2005 7:14:00 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 22, 2005 7:14:00 GMT -7
Hello.
RTK I have contemplated getting rid of my computer many times before, but I sorta have an addiction to computer games. I would really like to just give my pc away, but then I wouldn't get to play all my many fun games with my friends anymore. I could do without, but the main reason I play games is because I have absolutely nothing else to do all day. Oh and I would really like to never see another tv again in my life because there is nothing good on there ever. I mean, how can you possibly associate half naked women with a tires?
But I'm not contemplating marraige at all, I'd rather stay single forever.
isolated, thanks for the edification. But to much isolation is what I've always had; it's just been me and my games my whole life, until I got saved that is.
Thanks for all the advice and prayers, good day.
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Nov 22, 2005 7:32:43 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 22, 2005 7:32:43 GMT -7
Shadowolf,
Please allow me to throw out some options regarding getting rid of your pc. First, either sell your games on EBAY or give them away to your friends. Secondly, as far as needing something to do, well, I could start a list here.... How about a reading club (Shakespear, Chaucer, Dumas, Poe) a poetry club ( - = and get your friends involved...or else you could volunteer at the YMCA or Boys Club, etc. - and even take your friends along to volunteer! You can get rid of it Shadowolf!
RTK
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Nov 22, 2005 7:41:38 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 22, 2005 7:41:38 GMT -7
Hello.
RTK I believe I will give away my pc and my games. But I'm not interested in discussing those four guys, I don't like poetry, and there is no YMCA or Boys Clud around here; I live out in the sticks. I would appreciate more suggestions though. Thank you for your help.
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Nov 22, 2005 8:02:31 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 22, 2005 8:02:31 GMT -7
ShadowWolf,
Go for getting rid of the pc. It takes quite a bit of guts to do this. Good for you! However, do keep in touch with the forum through another computer.
Of all those who contribute in this forum, I am sure they can give you some ideas as to what to do with your time. Hey, Steve or Mike, we need some input here about some things Shadow Wolf can do to keep himself busy ( - = Steve will probably tell you to go ride a bike (LOL)
RTK
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Nov 22, 2005 9:04:59 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 22, 2005 9:04:59 GMT -7
Hello.
I have another pc in the kitchen, which is in a public viewing area so I should be ok.
I'd be glad to receive any suggestions, and I believe I will ride my bike more lol.
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Nov 22, 2005 14:04:48 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 22, 2005 14:04:48 GMT -7
Wow! You guys have been busy on here today!!! If you are newly saved, what is your connection like with the local church? Ask God to lead you in this, but the Christian life is anything but boring when we give ourselves to Him! Don't let the enemy lie to you here! Get involved with a local church or ministry of some sort in some type of service capacity....help an elderly person learn to use his/her computer......visit a lonely elderly person and do some manual chores for him/her. The company and labor will bless you both! Learn to connect with others even though it is not your habit to do so......remember where isolating yourself has gotten you and keep trying new avenues of branching out in the body of Christ for fellowship and service and in your community as well. If you're at a loss, ask Him, but get out of the house in some way and do it! As the wife of a sex addict, I've felt myself isolating more as well lately, even though I'm naturally a more social person. This morning I kept telling myself what death this is and that I need to not isolate, as I have told so many others, so I determined to go to a women's fellowship group of sorts and you know what.......the heaviness of being alone lifted and God showed up and blessed me through others in this time. So do it, and be blessed....and if a certain group doesn't work, keep trying! Remember, isolation is death! Healthy connections are Life! Everyone on these forums, may you be blessed this Thanksgiving with an increasing awareness of His presence, love and power to heal...to rescue your hearts....to love .....to transform.....to fill those empty places to the fullest as nothing else ever will! You are all deeply loved by the Father and prayed for and cared about by your brothers and sisters here!:dude: captivated
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Nov 22, 2005 15:00:05 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 22, 2005 15:00:05 GMT -7
Romans 14 and 15 are wonderful related to the forums and how we relate to one another and encourage one another in God and in purity! Here's the verse to back up my last entry here: Romans15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
captivated
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Hello
Nov 23, 2005 2:09:47 GMT -7
Post by isolated on Nov 23, 2005 2:09:47 GMT -7
dear captivated good words from the good book my name is isolated ,because that has been one of my bigest problems ,so aman to your coment to not be isolatedand also aman to being busy like the bible says an idel mind is the devils warehouse ,my version im keeping my computer but im not going to those sites any more I praise god for this site I do not get how this spell checker works yet so all who watch please put up with me also please pray for me that I could meet a good brother at church I confessed to my brother inlaw about a mounth and a half ago that was a mistake I don't think confessing to realatives who have familes is smart it has been a big trial in my life because after doing so neither my brother inlaw or my sister have been very close to me and I wonder if he told her what I told him basicley that I looked at something on the computer that Ishould not have they are christians but not all chritians are to be trusted in this maner . thank you for the prayers and God bless and have a great thanksgiving
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Nov 23, 2005 2:48:16 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2005 2:48:16 GMT -7
Yes, this is tough. Do they have children? They may, not knowing what the extent of your struggles are, back up to protect their children from the unknown. I'm so sorry they are responding like this......they may be fearful, uncertain,etc....:? It's true that many Christians do not understand sexual addiction, the recovery process nor how the body of Christ can better help by networking to reach out in love than they can by separating and alienating further. It is tough and my heart aches for you.....and you are right, confiding in family can further complicate the matter in some instances. I believe God will provide for you though and have asked Him to do so immeasurably more than all we could ask or imagine (Ephesians)! You are His valuable child :dude:and He wants you free to live and love and glorify Him with joy and power, after all, so He will provide the people and resources you need to get there.....and He is already! Good job not giving up on connecting with others! Glad you're a part of this forum as well! Let us know how He provides for you! captivated
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Hello
Nov 23, 2005 4:10:07 GMT -7
Post by mike on Nov 23, 2005 4:10:07 GMT -7
>Of all those who contribute in this forum, I am sure they can give you some ideas as to what to do with your time. Hey, Steve or Mike, we need some input here about some things Shadow Wolf can do to keep himself busy ( - = Steve will probably tell you to go ride a bike (LOL)
Get into reading books. This will bust your horizons wide open.
Play sports. Exert yourself physically.
Approach your church and start a support group for other guys your age who struggle with porn.
Get out (like Steve) and see the world. There's so much in life to see and do, so many good things to taste, see and experience (that are good.) Life is short, and precious. You don't know when your time will be up. Look at your heart for the good desires that God has already put there, and then set out on an adventure in faith. Go after God.
Look for ways that you can be a blessing to others. Sharpen your listening skills, and become an observer.
Are you employed or going to school ?
What are your interests ?
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Nov 23, 2005 9:44:36 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2005 9:44:36 GMT -7
Hello.
Thank you all for all your helpful comments. I see that the moajority of the advice is to get out and meet people, well that's not gonna work. I have really been isolated and alone all my life, and EVERY relationship I ever tried to have outside of the computer failed miserably. Besides, I enjoy my solitude now. I'd rather be alone than around anyone else.
I also see that alot of advice is towards getting up a support group, well that's never gonna happen in my county. I am a Southern Baptist, they wouldn't understand.
I like reading books, but that that much.
No one to play sports with.
I'd love to get out and see the world, but my mom bought my car for me and I have to pay it off, and until I do I have to go by her rules which prohibit me from just picking up and leaving like that.
I am going to college right now.
I have alot of interest: exploring the woods, training with my sword, playing basketball, studying magnets, studying logic, building combat robots, building spaceships, and inventing many other things. I know some of that may sound wierd, but it's possible. Anyways I have been meaning to build some of my inventions but I don't have the training, knowledge, and materials to do so yet. That might sound like it's off topic but that's my interests.
Thanks for all the replies.
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