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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2015 14:34:04 GMT -7
Hi there! Welcome to BG. I am glad you found us.
I will be honest with you. I wasn't able to read all your post because it was triggering for me. I hope I got enough of it to truly understand. If you feel I am not understanding correctly please let me know.
It sounds to me like you have a few issues going on at the same time which is very normal for someone struggling with sex/porn addiction. 1. Sex/porn/masturbation 2. Low self-esteem 3. Anger 4. Forgiveness of self and others Yes this probably looks bad to you....however these issues can be overcome and turned around. Nothing here is beyond Christ's help. It won't be easy after all it took you years to get where you are today. The good news is that Christ died for you and your sins! He wants to help you change and become the man He sees in you. You just need to make the commitment to change, remain open to Christ's direction, accept Christ's forgiveness and put in the work necessary to change.
Have you gotten into a sex/porn addiction group? Do you have any accountability partners besides your wife? Are you in counseling both single and couples? Are you spending time in worship, prayer and bible study daily?
I am an overcomer of this addiction but I am a woman and I know that men and women see things differently. So I am hoping John will check in soon and give you some advice. I will email him and point him to this thread.
I am praying for you.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 6, 2015 10:55:12 GMT -7
Hello, I'm John or Jonathan is my screen name. I have read your story and even before that I reached out to you. Your story is very descriptive and while that's not a bad thing I would say that now that it's out there let's begin to deal with it in a different light. Here on BG we have individuals from all over the world both men and women as you can see. Each individual is at a different place in their recovery and what triggers others to struggle may not cause someone else to struggle. With that said let me point out that Amy was spot on in her analysis of your struggles. I too believe that you're dealing with four separate yet intertwined issues. In your story I didn't read, or perhaps I missed it, your plan for long term recovery. It seems that with God's help you have been able to go for short periods of being pure but as anyone here can share: without a plan long-term we are just spinning our wheels. I hope to hear more about your battle plan regarding pornography, lust, self-esteem issues and anger. I'm no expert on any of those subjects but I can tell You what has worked for me. I'm sure others will share their strategies as well. For now, my advice is to come up with a plan that will help you overcome this addiction long term. Since your wife is involved in this it might not hurt to seek her advice. However she may not want to discuss this on a positive note. Get a plan in place and I want to caution you NOT I MEAN NOT to make it be about saving your marriage. Get yourself on the road to long term recovery and your marriage will work itself out as intended. Help yourself first before so you are healthy enough to help others. Once you have the plan then I'll send you the 30 day love challenge notes. Agreed?
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Post by Deleted on Oct 6, 2015 18:19:56 GMT -7
I am sorry what I posted was triggering to anyone. Amymine712 Thank you for praying. My accountability partner was my friend from college but him having a new born, working for a radio station and being deacon of his church. I felt he had to much on his plate, so my wife told me to come to this site and I could start an accountability thread, also I have a good friend from church that I am doing seven steps based on the book victory over darkness. My wife has helped me see just how bad the whole industry is and continues to do so. I haven't had any struggles with lust. My wife monitor's my phone internet use and has changed my Facebook password only she knows it and I only get on Facebook when she is next to me. I don't tempt myself. I am back to keeping God close in my life so that the devil can not have a place anymore by reading bible or christian literature and I pray many times a day and then with my wife also. I am greatful God has woke me up to the way my life was headed. When shopping I don't venture in to certain areas of the store anymore. The self-esteem issues and angry has greatly subsided I am not constantly a jerk anymore, But did have a blow up at my wife the other day again.I know this isn't how God wants me to be. When I start to feel down on myself or angry now I quote 1:John1: 9 and Romans 8:1 to myself. My wife is encouraging, supportive, and helpful. She still sees the good in me and I want to build HER back up as she does me daily.I don't want my marriage to end but if it happens I am going to still stay true to God. I see the industry for what it is now and want no part of it and am so sorry I ever contributed to it. I know I have the victory in God!
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Post by Deleted on Oct 6, 2015 19:18:12 GMT -7
It sounds like you are moving in the right direction. One thing I will caution you on is pushing your accountability partner away. I know you think he has a lot on his plate but only he can decide that. Talk to him about it and how you feel. Straight out ask him if he would rather you found someone else to be your partner. Sometimes when we think we are doing the right thing by not bothering someone because they are busy, we are actually pushing them away and isolating ourselves because we are embarrassed by our sins. Also our thoughts and emotions are twisted by this sin so we don't always think straight....especially when you add in low self-esteem issues.
Being married makes your situation a bit different from mine and John's. John does have the right of it to a great extent. You do need to focus on getting yourself "healthy" however you can't forget about your wife. She is in this too. This addiction affects her just as much as it affects you although in a different way. That is why I asked if you were getting individual and couples counseling. In fact your wife should be in individual counseling as well and she can also join a support group for family members of addicts.
Keep up on your walk with God. Stay close to Him. The harder you work at overcoming this addiction, the hard Satan will work at tempting you. Be prepared for new and different temptations. Keep your coping skills in mind along with God.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 7, 2015 6:29:45 GMT -7
Welcome to Blazing Grace! I'm so glad you found us.
Do you have porn blocking software on ALL your devices? We do and I am the admin and you can also make find another sponsor who will get a weakly report of what you looked up. You can try it one month for free. My hubby had a 10 history with porn and after so many relapses, I had to make a list of boundaries for us to stay married. We were separated in the home for over a year.
Do you have a Celebrate Recovery group in your area? They are nationwide Christian based group for people with hurts hangups and habits for both spouses, wives or just individuals. There are a lot of people there who either struggle with porn or the wives are struggling to get past the pain.
Ya'll will be in my prayers.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 11, 2015 13:12:06 GMT -7
I agree with what Amy said about your accountability partner. Let him tell you if he is over loaded. Good luck. I hope you have a great future. If you want you can post more under the heading accountability. Most of the members posts are there.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2015 4:05:42 GMT -7
The 30 Day Love Challenge for Married Couples
Day One: The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret.
Write this out to your wife and post it somewhere you both will see it over the next 30 days.
I take you to be my partner for life,
I choose to walk with you always,
I promise to be the spiritual leader of our family,
I promise to listen to you,
I promise to nurture your dreams,
I promise to be your lover, companion, and friend,
Your partner in parenthood,
Your ally in conflict,
Your greatest fan,
Your comrade in adventure,
Your student and your teacher,
Your consolation in disappointment,
Signed, Your Husband
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2015 5:11:07 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2015 12:49:13 GMT -7
Oops, I should've said the PB SW is Covenant Eyes.
Ya'll will be in my prayers.
I have to run to the backcracker so everyone have a good night. God Bless ya'll.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2015 21:58:43 GMT -7
How goes it NB?
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Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2015 13:34:09 GMT -7
Hey my man just checking in to see how another fighter is handling the battle.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2015 7:42:36 GMT -7
MOD HAT ON ----- In reviewing the original introductory post, it was deemed to be troubling to several of our members. After much thought we decided that it was in the best interest of all our current and future members that the posting be removed. Please understand that this is NOT a reflection on you. We here at Blazing Grace appreciate openness and honesty. However given the nature of this addiction, we need to make our forum safe for everyone. Thanks for understanding.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2015 12:05:36 GMT -7
I think if we put in the terms of service that perhaps we shouldn't get to explicit when describing or perhaps oversharing when post would be a could idea. Like, perhaps NOT being too graphic about struggles esp. when it comes to sex addiction. Some things should only be said to a therapist and not online. Yet feeling free to talk about sex addiction is fine.
I think saying things like, "I slipped up last night" instead of getting to graphic may be a good idea.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2015 17:01:45 GMT -7
Amy and I have talked with him and he apologized for getting too graphic. I told him I appreciate his openness and honesty, but giving an whole "life story" was a bit much. So I like the idea of an amendment to the terms of service but not sure on how to word it. For now I think we are all on the same page.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2016 23:05:20 GMT -7
Thanks for checking on me and for the advice. I did get covenant eyes on my phone and at home i only use electronics when my wife is around. I haven't struggled with it since around July. It was harder to think right at first and to look away from things and people I shouldn't be looking at. Often I just looked down at the floor to keep myself from seeing what I shouldn't be looking at. It was everywhere. But I knew I didn't want that to be my life it brought me no joy nothing but pain guilt and so much shame. It was not what I was made for and I always knew that. So I just kept looking away from it. I was about to lose it all my wife who is so kind and supportive my kids i was losing myself and my future and my place in eternity. So I stopped and asked my self for what?why am I losing all this? Was it worth it to lose all this? Not even close. Then I got a lot of truth on the matter and there was no denying the poor men and women in these magazines and the internet need help. I found that many had been abused and are on drugs just to numb themselves from the hell there life has become. The guilt the shame the isolation that I felt they have that also but worse. This showed me not only did it ruin my life but theirs also. I started to think what about their life their future there place in eternity I was coming to the realization that they are people a person with a soul not just some image. No one wants to put themselves out there like that and I now know to believe that they do is a lie whether they were abused or just confused with their life at that moment it doesn't change there regret. I can see that they are just God's children and should be treated with respect and love. In the bible it says treat older women as mothers and younger women as sisters with absolute purity. Well I would be saving my sister and mother from this. My thoughts were not of that nature before but I know the truth now and my heart breaks for them all of them. I wish I could change it for them and let them know that they are a child of the most high. Anyone who is reading this and has the same problem I had just know you are also a child of the most high. That you are loved by God. You can overcome this.Just continue doing the right things you will get stronger don't let your eyes or mind linger because that's what entraps you. Thank you to everyone that encouraged and messaged me. My life has begun anew! I pray this encouraged others you are stronger than you know. With God all things are possible God can wipe the slate clean and you can be made new. And the guilt shame and isolation can be left in the past.please read 2 Corinthians 5:16-21
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