Advice for Christian Singles

Who's it Hurtin if I'm Flirtin?

Been dealing with this lately. A biblical perspective on flirting.

"Being a Man" written by one of our former members long ago but still rings true today.



"I have read several times on this board posts that say something similar to: I really don't know what it means to be a man, and, I've never felt like a real man and don't know what that's supposed to be like.
When I read this, my heart went out to those who said it because for years I could honestly not find it within my heart, my mind, or my soul what being a man meant or felt like. All I knew is that there were many times and perhaps many years, that I did not feel like a man at all. I wasn't sure what I was, but it certainly wasn't a man as far as I knew. I guess I just accepted that it was my lot in life to not know, to not really be a man ever.
Well, that all that has changed for me. It was over years of time, but mostly in the last several years where I've turned into a real man. A man that God meant for me to be and truly, as there was no other way this would have ever happened, made that way after the works of His Hands. His works have molded and shaped me into a man that personally knows through and through what that means and what it holds for me. I truly know that God sees me that way and I also see myself that way. This I could never say before, in those earlier years of my life ; all that time I was supposed to be a man but really wasn't.
This would have actually been my first post, but I thought better of it, because you wouldn't know me at all and it might seem stranger than even what it may be now. But I can assure you that if you knew me personally: my appearance, carriage, actions, speech, habits, and my motives and my thoughts, you would never in a million years picture me as who I was before the works of God had taken deep hold in my life. Never! It would be inconceivable to know me as one person and guess that I would turn out to be the other. It is a miracle wrought by Heaven.
There would be countless points at where to begin this talk, but I've prayed for days that God would show me exactly how to bring this forth. I believe there has never been a time more important than now for the men of God to stand up and take their rightful place. Real men, formed in His image. Fathers, whether or not with children, but fathers nevertheless because they are like unto our Father in Heaven. The last two sentences of the Old Testament is a prophecy:
Malachi 4: 5-6: Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.
Now I don't know if that means that the actual Elijah will be here, or the spirit that rested on Elijah (like Elijah's mantel that was passed to Elisha as the story goes). But was there ever a time more than now that the hearts of the children and the fathers need to be turned toward one another? The earth is nearly accursed for lack of fathers. And while we might argue this one way or another with our mental faculties, the truth is us men sense it more than ever. How many today say in there hearts I don't know what it means to be a man.” I tell you that if we don"t know what it means to be a man, then neither do we know what it really means to be a father. And because of this lack, we are unsure of ourselves in every aspect.
This is why our families are sick: the head is sick; the body cannot overcome that which the head brings to it and it feels so ill at ease and out of place and frightened. Yes the body is frightened at the condition of the head, certain that its spiritual welfare and security are threatened.


So many preachers spend so much time talking about how the man is supposed to be the head of the woman, the head of the house, the head of the spiritual life of the family. But what happens if the head is sick; if the head isn’t really in the place of the head but has sunk and taken up position as the curator of the lower parts of the body? If the mind's eye sees lust, if the heart desires the fulfillment of lust, if the body of a man obeys the heart and the mind and continually runs to the troth of lust – where is this head? Where is the head? It is not positioned at the top, but at the bottom of the body. Just as the ugly worldly saying that a man is lead around by his penis!“ (and it would be more appropriate to say he was led around by the fire of lust in his lower belly)“ the head has exchanged positions with that which is lower and sexuality is in control. This then spreads to the wife and the family, which deny it or not, are now run by the sexual fires in a man’s gut instead of a real head as it was supposed to be. This body is sick; this head is sick.

So rather than endlessly rehash the obligations of the woman to the head: the man, and this is not to say that she has none. Let's talk about the so easily and cleverly glided over obligations of the man: the head. Men: let the Word open and speak to us what we should be, not in relation to our rights and position, but to what is expected of us by God. What does God wish He would see when He looked at our soul? What plan does God have for us as men and why don't we feel it, know it, have the confidence of a man of God following in our Father's footsteps and the example of our brother Jesus?

Let's look at Ephesians 5, the chapter that is always used for the discourse about being the head, but let’s examine it differently. First of all, the chapter begins by warning Christians not to partake of the terribly sinful things of the world lest they fail the grace of God and being disobedient children, face His Wrath. Then it tells us to have no fellowship with these unfruitful works of darkness but to rather reprove them. It then warns us some more what not to do as Christians and then it begins to speak of how we should live and walk. It is at this point we are told to submit ourselves to one another: the wife to the husband and then vice versa.



We are told to love our wives. We could stop there and imagine all the romance and feelings of cherishment and adoration, but we are further told how we are to love our wives: even as Christ also loved the church. We could stop there and picture how Christ loves each and everyone of His brethren, the body of His people: how He cares for them, nurtures them, leads them in good paths, prepares them for heaven. We could take that and apply it to ourselves and see how we must care for our wives, feed, clothe, spiritually nurture, lead down the righteous path of life by our example. And, as we prepare for heaven, so they would follow suit as following the head.


O.K. Let's go ahead and stop here. How many fail already? Is the romance gone, do we cherish and adore them? Are we providing their needs?maybe physically? maybe not? maybe were not stable in our work? maybe we're not faithful? not true of all; but maybe? Do we follow in paths of righteousness for His names sake? Do we lead beside still waters? Are the clicks we make on the path to an immoral website a path we think our wives should take. Is the porn shop a place of God's still waters?

Now let's move on: and gave Himself for it. He was crucified for His church. He allowed himself to be tortured and abused for someone else. Are we giving up our flesh nature to the cross for our wives? Do we even do it for ourselves. Have we taken up our cross? Do we win every argument? Do we ignore because we don't want to be bothered? Do we avoid so that we have time to sin? Do we get angry when the slightest burden is placed upon us? Do we hide from responsibility and expect our mate to handle the hardest things? How many of us fail here?



Now let's go further: that He might sanctify. Oh my! Sanctity: we are going to sanctify our wives when we are not sanctified ourselves? How many of us think that our wives are better than us because we can't possibly imagine them sinning in their hearts like we do? But then, they become nothing to us in other ways; we're first and they're second. (For those of you not married, you can apply all of this to relationships you have with others). So where is our sanctity? We have no sanctity when we harbor the unclean sins that we do. Read the earlier part of Ephesians 5. The whole chapter hangs together as one lesson.



Now let's go further: and cleanse it.Wow! Cleansed? Purge me with hyssop and I shall be clean, wash me and I shall be whiter than snow. Are we purged? Clean. Or should we be sitting on the side of the road calling to Jesus: Unclean!! Unclean!! And how to be made clean by washing of water by the Word. But do we let the Word wash us? Do we read and believe and understand only that which is sweet and nothing of the cleaning solutions that are harsh chemicals. They do exist in God's Word, but from the pulpit to the pew they are ignored, brushed over, and turned into something that doesn't apply to us. This is why we are not clean, the truth has not made us free because we will not listen to the truth. But let us proceed:


That He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing: but that it should be holy and without blemish.


Fellow men. Are we without spot or wrinkle or any such thing? Are we holy and without blemish? This is what we are called to be as the head. This is our rightful place. This is the image that God so desires to see when He looks upon us. Be not deceived: if it is not there, it is not there. The works of Christ are real, they are not apprehended by some mental gymnastics, they are a lit candle on a hill for everyone to see. If we have much to hide, then we are not lit by Christ as we should be. And let us not say - "I am sanctified by Faith - I am cleansed by Faith," and have no evidence. That would be as unreal as saying "I am loving by Faith," and not be loving, or "I sacrifice for my wife by Faith," and showing no fruit. We must show forth the fruit of our faith - our faithfulness. Our faithfulness to God and our faithfulness to our wives. Then our Faith is not dead but shows the evidence of the works, making it a living Faith.

Now back to being a man. Not possessing these attributes that are so freely offered to us by Christ is to be without manhood. Heightened and abnormal sexuality will never, never, never make us feel like a man but only like a worm. We will not have the assurance and confidence of manhood while harboring sin that causes our heads to fall from their place. Our manhood will return and flourish as we follow Christ's footsteps into crucifixion of the flesh nature, the cleansing and sanctifying of our natures. The purging of God.


I may write more on this as God leads. But bless you all my brothers and fellow-men. Do not be cowards, but bow before God, then stand and face that which He wants to deliver unto thee: even if it just kills the flesh nature, it will quicken the Spirit. Then turn and face the enemy of your soul clothed with the whole armor of God. Remember, the Word of God is as a two-edged sword. If it can divide asunder the soul from the spirit, how much more can it cut out the cancer of sin from our very lives. Then you will not be an addict in recovery or maintenance, but a free man. A servant of Christ and not a servant of sin."



The truth shall make you free.



Wilderness Voice