Post by Deleted on Oct 10, 2014 1:09:11 GMT -7
Good Morning!
I am new, have never really been able to get into the forum type context before. Short end of the story: 1. Exposed to pornography at 11 and have never been free since.2. Took care of my grandparents all throughout high school (altheizmer's and dimentia)3. Joined the military right out of (homeschooled) high school4. Married a fantastic woman right out of high school5. Lived overseas working 18 hour days for the first 4 years of our marriage.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Present state:1. Work for a Christian company2. left the military, but still have to finish a Reserve commitment and will be away from my family for another 40 days. 3. I do have children....4. Not something that I can talk about with church leadership, especially as they are still followers of Doug Phillips. We are there to try and help, but my effectiveness is destroyed by this deep rooted sin I have never overcome.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Cont:1. My marriage is in shambles, I don't trust her and she doesn't trust me.2. She is a midwife and gone a lot, doesn't really help with trust issues.3. A lot of her friends are non-Christians and I feel the influence in her life/see it4. I am rendered completely ineffective to love her.5. Currently memorizing Ephesians 5 and Proverbs 316. Still have a desire to control every aspect7. Severe social anxiety.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There's a little about me. I am looking for accountability-but more than that, for wisdom and understanding. I want to be the instrument God uses to bring healing to my wife and family, I want to be a different person-without bitterness and malice.
I've read it, so many times-yet I am unable to do it. Neither am I able to rest in His grace. He feels so far away and by my very life I demonstrate my inability to love the Father.
I need help, I need prayer and intercession for my marriage, my life and my walk with God.
I am new, have never really been able to get into the forum type context before. Short end of the story: 1. Exposed to pornography at 11 and have never been free since.2. Took care of my grandparents all throughout high school (altheizmer's and dimentia)3. Joined the military right out of (homeschooled) high school4. Married a fantastic woman right out of high school5. Lived overseas working 18 hour days for the first 4 years of our marriage.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Present state:1. Work for a Christian company2. left the military, but still have to finish a Reserve commitment and will be away from my family for another 40 days. 3. I do have children....4. Not something that I can talk about with church leadership, especially as they are still followers of Doug Phillips. We are there to try and help, but my effectiveness is destroyed by this deep rooted sin I have never overcome.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Cont:1. My marriage is in shambles, I don't trust her and she doesn't trust me.2. She is a midwife and gone a lot, doesn't really help with trust issues.3. A lot of her friends are non-Christians and I feel the influence in her life/see it4. I am rendered completely ineffective to love her.5. Currently memorizing Ephesians 5 and Proverbs 316. Still have a desire to control every aspect7. Severe social anxiety.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There's a little about me. I am looking for accountability-but more than that, for wisdom and understanding. I want to be the instrument God uses to bring healing to my wife and family, I want to be a different person-without bitterness and malice.
I've read it, so many times-yet I am unable to do it. Neither am I able to rest in His grace. He feels so far away and by my very life I demonstrate my inability to love the Father.
I need help, I need prayer and intercession for my marriage, my life and my walk with God.