Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 7, 2006 4:05:56 GMT -7
Dan, it sounds like a great day for a long walk or jog outside! It's just one way to assist you in staying sober...
Family Life Today is the ministry which conducts the marriage conferences RTK was talking about. We've also been to a few. If you hear Dennis Rainey's name mentioned, you'll know you're in the right place! I'd suggest doing a search on Internet Explorer or Yahoo and I'm sure you'll find it. It may have changed, but I think their phone number is 1-800-FL Today Let us know if you can't find it though.
Tell your fiancee', I'd be glad to support and pray for her however I can....and to keep anything she shares confidential and not share it on the forums.....this would be a concern for me if I were in her shoes.
Keep asking God to give you all you need to be free and to be filled with/close to Him....He loves us so, He delights to draw near to us when we draw near to him (James 4:8). You may be white knuckling it today, but with God, you can beat this thing!.....and love your fiance' well....
Praying for you guys!
captivated
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 7, 2006 17:36:51 GMT -7
I went to the first sa meeting. My fiancee was really uncomfortable about me going by myself and when I stopped at her place on the way home she drilled me with a bunch of questions. I was very vague in answering her because a lot of the stuff in there was private.
I didn't say much at the meeting, just learned alot about the purpose etc. and listened to others. I was surprised at how many people were there. It is clear to me that I have along way to go. I was surprised that their definition of sobriety also includes no "Self-sex". I had reasoned before that it was ok, as long as porn was not included--does anyone have any thoughts on that?
. It was explained to me that "self-sex" is not bad but for an addict it is like an alcoholic gargling with vodka but not drinking it. It made sense...
I only have 4 days of sobriety right now, some guys have many years so I know it can be done now!
The meeting helped a lot --the fellowship and support there was awesome. They gave me most everybody's phone number and a couple guys made a point to let me know to call them for anything...
I think my fiancee was a little upset that I didn't share more with her. I don't think she realizes how strong my urges are. She seemed to think that I don't belong in there and that God is enough. She was really concerned that they are "not affiliated" with any churches. I'm going to keep going back though.
My goal now is to make it to the next meeting, 7 more days. This afternoon, I was thinking about all the time I've wasted on this problem over the past 20 years and I just broke out in tears for some reason. I mean it was so strange, because I never cry, I think it was tears of joy because I felt like I was let out of jail or something. I never "believed" I could really stop before...now I do.
I'm determined to keep posting here, it seems to help me stay sober...
THANKS FOR BEING HERE!!!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 7, 2006 20:25:29 GMT -7
So glad for you Dan! Wonderful! Two quick thoughts since I'm rushed for time. First, have you read Mike's article on the home page concerning masturbation/self sex yet? It's really good and helpful! And second, I don't know what this group is affiliated with, but I believe that if they were affiliated with a church, they could potentially be hindered from being as open and real with one another. As it is, they probably mostly know one another through this group and concerning their desires to stay sober, so they are less likely to put on masks and pretend they're okay if they're not.....more of a temptation the longer they stay sober.
Okay, three thoughts again.....your fiance' may not understand now, but if she ever does begin to comprehend how deeply this goes or how negatively it can impact a marriage relationship, she will thank you over and over for getting real and sober in every way now......she will realize it to be an act of love to her, to God and to yourself in wanting to honor the body and life He's given you! It may be helpful for her to continue to read on this site as well to look for a group of some sort. I know of some telephone sorts of groups if she's interested. One, she could just listen if she wants, but I'm not sure what they are like. Continuing in prayer for you guys!
With Christ, you can beat this thing! captivated
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2006 2:56:55 GMT -7
Hey Dan
There are couple really powerful messages I'd like to send you that have profoundly impacted my life. They are about 50 MB...if your email inbox can handle that, I can send them to you via email. If not, and you want the messages, email me at salmoncm1@gcc.edu God Bless!
Caleb
You can read my story here: blazinggrace.org/forums/forum7/237.html
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2006 3:20:03 GMT -7
Hey, Dan! Haven't been on much this week, but was wondering how you and your fiancee' are doing and how to best pray for you guys......if you've shared elsewhere and I missed it, sorry.
captivated
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2006 3:30:57 GMT -7
Hi -thanks for checking in on me...
I've been pronography free for 16 days but I did have a stumble yesterday morning. I showed up at my fiancee's place early in the AM and she was still in bed so I laid down with her--Fully clothed..she was rubbing up against me as we snuggled for a while..when she got up to take a shower..I stayed in the bed and I couldn't help myself, I don't know how it happened --I barely started and it was over...Like I coudn't control it or something...
According to the SA meeting I attended 2 weeks ago--that means I haven't been completely "Sober". So I guess I have to start from scratch now...
I was really depressed about it for a while and considered just giving in when I was on the internet last night, especially since it felt so good. But I was able to hold off thanks to amazinggrace. When I find myself ready to look around on the internet I just come to the site first and read some of the postings.
I was searching for a file on my computer last week and I came across an image in my "Temporary Internet Files" folder. It took me completely by surprise but it was the only porn image I've seen for 16 days. My heart starting racing and I got this "scared" feeling all of a sudden, it was really strange--and I quickly closed the file.. I need to clean this computer up.
I've been in contact with a potential "cyber" accountability partner here on the site so I'm hoping that will improve things. I'm by myself right now and holding strong, I just got back from church...
THANKS FOR THE PRAYERS--I NEED THEM!!!
Dan
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2006 4:12:01 GMT -7
....and thanks for the update....you and your fiancee' have my prayers.....oh and not to sound harsh, but....uh....stay out of bed until you are wed....no rhyme intended and said in love to you both...it just sets you up to think and feel things you don't want to have to be challenged with right now, but I think you've realized that. Keep doing the really good things you are doing, including cleaning up that computer. If your fiancee' finds that stuff, it will hurt her heart to see it there and cause further distrust. Do you guys have a wedding date officially set still?
Prayerfully,
captivated
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2006 7:35:13 GMT -7
Hi, The wedding day is officially set for March 11th. Fell off the sobriety wagon again today. I don't know what happened....I was alone for one thing, and all my projects are finished. Everything was going fine and then my imagination started getting to me.
I didn't actually look at any porn...(well, one partial image)..but I started listening in on a fantasy chat room. I didn't even know that would appeal to me so much. I thought I could just listen in a little and control it, but then it got out of control...I kept thinking, this is "less" sinful than porn. God gave me an imagination, didn't he? I'm not hurting anyone by chatting. But then when it was all over I felt the same shame and dissappointment. Is this ever going to end? That's the longest I've ever gone without falling 15 days or so.
I'm starting all over again today. And I'm not missing the SA meeting tonight like I did last week..
I CAN USE LOTS OF PRAYER RIGHT NOW!!! And I'm praying for all of you too.
Thanks!!
Dan
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2006 8:25:41 GMT -7
I'm praying for you and your fiance', Dan. To a woman.....whether prostitutes or porn or chatting, it feels like betrayal. Marriage won't solve this. Does she know about where you're at in your struggles? I guess I'd challenge you guys to jointly meet with someone like Steve (on these forums) for a counseling session or more prior to this date. He will help you explore the issues in a way which blesses you both in the long run and will allow you to both enter this covenant of marriage you're about to make with open eyes and a stronger foundation to stand on for the long haul. E-mail or private message him and he'll give you the info you need.
In any case, I will pray for you both and say the things I do with grace.
Prayerfully, captivated
|
|
|
Post by Steve on Feb 25, 2006 11:58:37 GMT -7
The wedding day is officially set for March 11th. Fell off the sobriety wagon again today. Friend, Red lights. Red lights. Red lights all over the dashboard!
Respectfully, I would like to challenge you to postpone the wedding until you've really gotten a "handle" on this. I applaud all of your honesty and hard & courageous work so far, but I see quite a bit of danger ahead by complicating the issue by getting married so quickly here. Your thoughts? -Steve
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2006 6:40:16 GMT -7
|
|