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Post by Deleted on May 12, 2008 22:59:32 GMT -7
thanks truthseeker, i do need those prayers and i am expecting the evil one to attack with all his might. he wants to keep me in bondage to the sins that entrap me so i will be ineffective in the body of christ. no longer, i say.... i no longer want that life. i want freedom and i am finally tasting it. sam
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Post by Deleted on May 16, 2008 14:27:33 GMT -7
i have been really struggling with the obsessive thoughts about wondering if the guys i talked to missed me, etc. when those feelings come up, i just try to take deep breaths and focus on something else. i do hope these feelings fade soon. i am not fooling myself tho, i know that i really meant nothing to them.
have fallen a few more times with masturbation, but nowhere near as much as in the past. not that i am making light of it, i know it is wrong and i want to reach a point where i can stop it as well.
i hope you all have a great weekend! sam
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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2008 4:27:06 GMT -7
Hi Sam,
Yes, it was a nice weekend, thanks. I continue to pray for you.
You are absolutely right about whether they miss you--they miss you like most toddlers miss a toy that has escaped under the couch, quickly turning to the next play-thing that catches their eye.
Be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power!
TruthSeeker
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2008 9:22:25 GMT -7
i have acted out pretty bad recently and i feel very guilty about it too. i'm not angry at god like i usually get after failing. maybe this is a part of my healing and signifies a change. i really don't know. i have to wonder if this addiction will be with me for the rest of my life or if it is something that will just eventually go away. i know that only time will tell. i just have to keep taking one day at a time and when i fall, i have to get back up and dust myself off. sam
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Post by Deleted on May 27, 2008 10:42:21 GMT -7
Sam,
Resisting the natural tendency to repeat an addictive behavior is hardest at first, and there are times when one simply has to act on the basis of cold knowledge even though to do so seems contrary to all feeling. Through consistent moral choices a new pattern gradually emerges and the old one slowly fades, but the two overlap for a long time. Eventually one's feelings fall into line and it becomes more natural to desire the good than the evil. But some negative patterns are so deeply ingrained that it takes a very long time indeed for them to lie down, and they may never be completely effaced until the day of resurrection.
This is the truth behind the scriptural phrase "those who have their faculties trained by practice [even better: "habit"] to distinguish good from evil" (Hebrews 5:14). This verse gives realistic hope that it can and will get better if you train yourself firmly. Of course in a deeper sense success depends ultimately on the God who will "equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in you that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ" (Hebrews 13:21).
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Post by Deleted on May 30, 2008 12:49:28 GMT -7
i experienced something unusual the last time i acted out alone. i was wanting very much to numb my feelings and i ran back to the old familiar drug of choice. but i became so frustrated and kinda of angry at myself for not being able to let go of my emotions and just feel the pleasure of the moment. it was not a very pleasant experience for me. i don't know if this happened because i have been trying a little harder to keep my thoughts pure lately or not, therefore not having as much imagery to feed my desires off of. i can say that i have had several life changing things happen in a very short time lately and i am sure the stresses involved in that have played a part as well.
i am working on training myself to react differently with my urges. it is absolutely a very hard thing for me to do. a friend even suggested that i think of something disgusting when i am really hit with a lustful thought. it does work some, but i do think it is as you say paulos, it takes a while for these feelings to lie down.
i am fighting until i win!
sam
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2008 9:55:53 GMT -7
Sam,
More important maybe than thinking of something disgusting, is to think of anything at all other than the tempting possibility, ideally something totally absorbing that will draw your attention and energy to a good thing and keep them there. You always regret pursuing temptation afterwards. Have you ever regretted doing something worthwhile instead?
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2008 12:11:03 GMT -7
how true paulos, i have never regretted doing something worthwhile. thanks for the advice.
well, another week of ups and downs. sometimes the temptation seems to be overwhelming and i do give in. other times, i am strong, but i do see those times less frequently than i would like. i really found that i had a lot of built up anger at god. that i go through times of lashing out at him and then i am pursuing closeness again. trying to bury my anger instead of dealing with it. after realizing this, i confessed it to god and asked that he help me to stop feeling this way.
sam
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Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2008 1:03:19 GMT -7
man, not my best day ever.. nor past few days actually. pressure beyond belief to do just down right stupid things. things i know better, but desire anyway. wanting to lash out at god again, wanting to cry out to him too. nothing seems to make sense to me right now. pray for me please.
sam
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Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2008 7:17:50 GMT -7
Sam, just wanted you to know you have been prayed for.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2008 12:16:34 GMT -7
thank you so much for your prayers truthseeker.
bless you all, sam
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Post by Deleted on Jun 28, 2008 8:33:04 GMT -7
not much acting out of late. i wish i could say that it is because i have found that it no longer has a pull on me, but sadly that is not the case. i have been too distracted with other things in my life. oh well, a victory is still a victory i guess. sam
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2008 9:40:32 GMT -7
maybe its Gods way of getting your attention, glad you have some time. Huggg
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Post by Deleted on Jun 30, 2008 8:29:53 GMT -7
hey wishfull,
yep, god has been trying to get my attention through various dif ways lately. showing me just how much i try to depend on my own strength and the friendships of others to help me behave... seems like i would get the lesson sooner or later. oh well, i guess i can be a little hardheaded at times. one thing is for sure, i have the longing for him back in my heart now. so that is a little progress.
hugs back to ya! sam
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Post by Deleted on Jul 4, 2008 15:58:00 GMT -7
well, i have been doing pretty good lately. i have been feeling the build up of not m'ing for a couple of days. (am rather proud that i have not done that since wed morning!) the hubby and i were alone this morning and we had a great encounter. i told him that i needed more attention from him. i must say tho that i am thinking that i might need to stop being intimate all together with him for a while. when we were making love, i really focused on self pleasure. it was not about sharing a beautiful experience like it should be. anyway, i am wondering if my cravings for orgasms is what leads me to m, is there really a difference in my getting them alone or when i am with him? i think about all the chemical reactions in your brain that lead to the high i get from this and i wonder if i gave myself some time off of those chemicals, will i eventually get better? i need to pray about it and see if it is something i need to try. have any of you tried this and achieved any success with it? sam
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