Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2005 1:11:38 GMT -7
Hi,
I can't remember how I got onto this website but I am so grateful to have found it. My name is lia and I have struggled with sexual sin eversince I was young and am still struggling with it. Have never been able to confide with anyone, I guess, because as Mike had said you think you're the only one with problem. I was so interested in what was being said in the article on masturbation because that is something that has been in my life from when I was young, how I got into that I don't know but it's become something I have been a slave to for soo long. And have carried the secret shame for so long. I was born-again in 1997, and even then was struggling so hard against the urges. I am glad that there is something like this, from which I can draw some words of wisdom, comfort and support. Honestly, I am too chicken to confide to any of my X-tian friends, not that I have many, but I know them well enough to not trust them with it. In spite of that, I am so pleased to be able to bring it out...somewhere. From what I have read on the website, I feel so informed with my situation and eager to get into the presence of God and start believing in the healing and the restoration available to me. Thankyou to the website for being so honest but also giving hope to me, just as the power of God has set you free, you're able to set me free with the Truth, thankyou.
Thankyou
Lia
|
|
|
Post by Steve on Aug 11, 2005 2:34:34 GMT -7
Lia, how are you doing today?
-Steve
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2005 5:34:53 GMT -7
Hey, Steve!
Sorry, for taking ages to reply have been busy with work, but I'm doing really good...so far. Just taking each day as it comes. And making sure I do my Quiet Time everyday. How has your week been?
Ta, Lia
|
|
|
Post by Steve on Aug 11, 2005 5:48:46 GMT -7
Lia, my week has been so-so. Today I feel like a big grouch! :?
Then again, in the big picture of my recovery, I'm doing quite well! Recovery does get easier the longer you work at it, I can assure you.
Question: Did you find any resources for females struggling with sexual addiction? Did you find a therapist/counselor? I trust, by now, you realize you're not the "only one" who struggles with this.
-Steve
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2005 0:48:58 GMT -7
Hey there, Steve No, haven't yet found anything on women having sexual addictions, Steve, I have a question, does one always have to see a counsellor? Ta, Lia
|
|
|
Post by Steve on Aug 12, 2005 0:58:35 GMT -7
Hi Lia. Regarding your question... No, of course one does not always need to see a counselor. However, I'm convinced that when trying to overcome an addiction, having a caring and qualified counselor (who's been there himself or herself) really helps!
What I've seen in my own recovery and work with other struggling sex addicts is: People will often eventually "get it" with refraining from their addictive behavior, but there's usually a lot of deep emotional and spirtual work that needs to be done to get to a place of true healing and transformation. (Mike likes to call it "father wounds" based on the book Wild at Heart.) I briefly read some of your childhood and family background, and while I don't know you to well, it sounds like you'd really need someone, whether it's a counselor, mentor, church leader, someone you really trust, etc., to help you process some of the root issues of why you were ripe for sexual addiction as a young adult. What do you think? Your reaction? (By the way, good morning!) -Steve
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2005 1:14:39 GMT -7
Thanks Steve that was lovely...and yes you're right. I guess, I was thinking, "Why can't it just be me and God?" But I guess, with all these 'unloved' beliefs wreaking havoc with the mind how would I be able to know it's God and not me talking out of my experiences. Does that make sense to you? Was feeling unloved today and what did I do? Things must be happening, 'cos it was only the other week I was feeling really good about myself especially with confessing and this week, it feels like a real struggle. Does it always start off like that?
Lia :?
P.S Good morning to you too!
|
|
|
Post by Steve on Aug 12, 2005 3:46:45 GMT -7
Hi Lia. Firstly, let me say that this is my opinion. Others may disagree with me (and if they're reading this, they're welcome to share their input!) As someone who has struggled with sexual addiction myself, I personally went YEARS AND YEARS hiding in secrecy, shame and isolation of knowing I had a problem but never really getting help. I rationalized quite often with the idea that "This is just between me and God. Nobody else needs to know about this", but in my heart, I knew that my motivation for believing such was so that I didn't have to feel any undue pain, sadness, embarrassment, etc. I wanted the healing, but I wasn't willing to do the tough and necessary things to really begin my recovery, and as a therapist today, I see that theme quite frequently of "Help me get rid of my problem, but just as long as I don't have to talk about "this" (whatever topic) or feel any discomfort." It just doesn't work that way. Scripture, I think, is very clear that we often receive our healing in the context of community ... with the help of other caring and loving believers. Also, with regards to overcoming an addiction, I think there's definitely a consensus that one can not get free alone. The power of confession is powerful! Off the top of my head, I know there is a verse in James (I think that's the book) that talks about confessing our sins so we are healed. Now does God do wonderful things in our hearts just between Him and yourself? Of course. But I would contend that most (if not all) who struggle with sexual addictions need to allow themselves to be vulnerable with other human beings. That's part of the healing process in itself. I realize that can be really difficult for people, and that's why I suggest to "newbies" that they merely find JUST ONE real person in their life to talk to at the start ... and why not go to a sexual addiction therapist who has "walked the walk" himself/herself and has been professionally trained and is equipped to help them get free? Lastly, you asked: "Does it always start off like that?"
Oh totally. You're going to have quite a few ups and downs, girl. Get ready! Hang in there and stay the course ... You're gonna get through! -Steve
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2005 3:25:36 GMT -7
Hey, Steve It's funny how we can believe it for someone else but not for ourselves...but what you're saying is true and you are right. There was one time that I had counselling and stopped it because a Christian friend said I didn't need it...blah blah blah. Was listening in on the 'Blazing Grace' radio show and listened to the 'Shelley Lubben' interview. She's awesome! I tapped into her website which took me to a few more websites that was filled with real stories of real women who struggle with sexual addictions!!!! I was getting my frilly-billies over it!!!!! AND there ARE books written by women who were sexual addicts. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! !!! Scrap that last comment, I'm sooo thrilled!!!!
Lia
|
|
|
Post by Steve on Aug 14, 2005 3:29:13 GMT -7
Lia, that's awesome. Send me the web links. I want to see this for myself! -Steve
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2005 22:35:18 GMT -7
Steve, I was at home and thought about my last post and I think I need to elaborate a bit more about my stint with the counsellor. The episode ended because a 'mature Christian' said to me that I don't need to see one, all I needed was God. And because they were Christians a lot longer than me, I believed them and stopped going. So, I didn't mean to sound like I was dogging counsellors because the one I had was excellent. So, sorry 'bout that. :?:? Okay, I got a lot of info. from these two, let me know what you think: www.bebroken.com; www.bethesdaworkshops.orgTa, Lia
|
|
|
Post by Steve on Aug 15, 2005 4:51:54 GMT -7
Thanks. They look like very good resources! -Steve
|
|