Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2005 11:43:03 GMT -7
Hello, My name is Joe. I ran across the link for here from no-porn.com[/url]. That was the 2nd group I was involved with and I've learned a not. But it is also rather large.
In short I had used porn to masterbate since I was in my teens. Way before I was a Christian (not an excuse). I never thought it was bad, or that it would or was hurting my marriage. I now know how wrong I was. But I've always felt bad afterwords. And how can all those councelors and Dr's be wrong, they said that MB is not bad(sigh).
I became a Christian before I was married, but still MB. I went along like this untill a few years ago. I was able to deal with the "in your face" porn and the like on the internet pretty well untill I happened apon a site where they had written stories (I know there is a term for it, but can't remember it), well it was soft porn (if there really is such a thing, now I say). That smashed my defenses, and I've never been able to rebuild them.
Well I spent much time on the internet in those sites, and worse. I tried stoping many times, but I would always start again. Oh I had been praying for many years for deliverance from MB without getting better. And now the internet porn was so much worse than I felt I had done before.
About 1 1/2 years feeling I was on the brink of a precipice that really scared me, I started looking online for a place for help. The first place I found was small and not really a Christian site either. The Christian places I found basicly said "pray and then stop", I hope it worked for some; not for me. Well this first place was a real answer to prayer though. For there was a place where I got help. I could talk to others with simular problems.
Well that site seemed to just stop, can't get into it. I had found the next support group (no-porn) and it has many Christians. But it is rather big, and busy. It has been of help to me, but I can't really get involved there.
I have a twist on things that I haven't heard any others have before. I have MCS (Multiple Chemical Sensitivity) and especially when I get an exposure it messes up my biochemistry so that my hormones are, well bad. My sex drives go through the roof, but it also messes up my emotions. There are other problems from the MCS (like brain fog), but that may come later.
Because of my disability I have only 5% of the abilities and energies I had before. So if I speek of things that may seem small, or short time frames for me and this problem, please keep that in mind. The things I deal with are HUGE for me. Of course that is where God comes in, for it is never too big for Him.
I have only MB twice in the last 7 years; once being after I got into internet porn. But I have real battles with fantasies. Things that will lead me back into the internet porn. I'm computer savy enought to get around software that I could load to keep me off the porn sites. So I've dealt with it in a different direction than that.
After I found the first support group I let my wife know that I have problems. It was hard, but I've never regretted it. She is my biggest help in this. Her acceptance that I have a problem and supporting me has been imesurable help. For me more than anything else I could do (well besides God and prayer). I try not to overload her with my daily problems, for its bad enought for me to deal with. But I keep in "in the loop".
I'm dealing with an exposure now, so the mind is not clear. and I know my emotions are not good, nor my sex drives. I've found during these times is when I go to the no-porn group and read posts. It helps me not to focus on the things I shouldn't. And see that others are out there with problems like what I deal with. I've also found that reading what the wives go through has given me much help in not doing things; not guilt, but determination that I don't want that to happen to mine.
I hope to come here also and do posting. For I need to do more than read. I need to interact with others.
I've found since I've been disabled that a support group is so needed. I was on compuserve for my disability, and I learned that asking for help, and helping go hand in hand. I try to be a good listener; for I know I want others to listen to me (golden rule in action).
OBTW I am a Christian, and without God and His help I know I wouldn't have been able to deal with my disability, so He can, well is helping me with my problem. Weather one calls it a porn addition, or whatever, doesn't matter. I accept it is bigger than me, and that I need Gods, my wifes, and others help in dealing with it.
Well I think I filled in enought for now. Hopefully it made enought sense.
Joe.
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In short I had used porn to masterbate since I was in my teens. Way before I was a Christian (not an excuse). I never thought it was bad, or that it would or was hurting my marriage. I now know how wrong I was. But I've always felt bad afterwords. And how can all those councelors and Dr's be wrong, they said that MB is not bad(sigh).
I became a Christian before I was married, but still MB. I went along like this untill a few years ago. I was able to deal with the "in your face" porn and the like on the internet pretty well untill I happened apon a site where they had written stories (I know there is a term for it, but can't remember it), well it was soft porn (if there really is such a thing, now I say). That smashed my defenses, and I've never been able to rebuild them.
Well I spent much time on the internet in those sites, and worse. I tried stoping many times, but I would always start again. Oh I had been praying for many years for deliverance from MB without getting better. And now the internet porn was so much worse than I felt I had done before.
About 1 1/2 years feeling I was on the brink of a precipice that really scared me, I started looking online for a place for help. The first place I found was small and not really a Christian site either. The Christian places I found basicly said "pray and then stop", I hope it worked for some; not for me. Well this first place was a real answer to prayer though. For there was a place where I got help. I could talk to others with simular problems.
Well that site seemed to just stop, can't get into it. I had found the next support group (no-porn) and it has many Christians. But it is rather big, and busy. It has been of help to me, but I can't really get involved there.
I have a twist on things that I haven't heard any others have before. I have MCS (Multiple Chemical Sensitivity) and especially when I get an exposure it messes up my biochemistry so that my hormones are, well bad. My sex drives go through the roof, but it also messes up my emotions. There are other problems from the MCS (like brain fog), but that may come later.
Because of my disability I have only 5% of the abilities and energies I had before. So if I speek of things that may seem small, or short time frames for me and this problem, please keep that in mind. The things I deal with are HUGE for me. Of course that is where God comes in, for it is never too big for Him.
I have only MB twice in the last 7 years; once being after I got into internet porn. But I have real battles with fantasies. Things that will lead me back into the internet porn. I'm computer savy enought to get around software that I could load to keep me off the porn sites. So I've dealt with it in a different direction than that.
After I found the first support group I let my wife know that I have problems. It was hard, but I've never regretted it. She is my biggest help in this. Her acceptance that I have a problem and supporting me has been imesurable help. For me more than anything else I could do (well besides God and prayer). I try not to overload her with my daily problems, for its bad enought for me to deal with. But I keep in "in the loop".
I'm dealing with an exposure now, so the mind is not clear. and I know my emotions are not good, nor my sex drives. I've found during these times is when I go to the no-porn group and read posts. It helps me not to focus on the things I shouldn't. And see that others are out there with problems like what I deal with. I've also found that reading what the wives go through has given me much help in not doing things; not guilt, but determination that I don't want that to happen to mine.
I hope to come here also and do posting. For I need to do more than read. I need to interact with others.
I've found since I've been disabled that a support group is so needed. I was on compuserve for my disability, and I learned that asking for help, and helping go hand in hand. I try to be a good listener; for I know I want others to listen to me (golden rule in action).
OBTW I am a Christian, and without God and His help I know I wouldn't have been able to deal with my disability, so He can, well is helping me with my problem. Weather one calls it a porn addition, or whatever, doesn't matter. I accept it is bigger than me, and that I need Gods, my wifes, and others help in dealing with it.
Well I think I filled in enought for now. Hopefully it made enought sense.
Joe.
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