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Post by SandyJWE on Feb 21, 2022 7:49:49 GMT -7
Hello. Thank you for sharing - I am glad to hear it wasn't this forum. I am so glad you get positive conversations from here. Please let us know if you ever do get anything out of line here. Many blessings to you
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740 
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 7, 2022 8:08:08 GMT -7
How are you, AnettDE? Just wondering... |
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AnettDE
New Member
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Posts: 10 
Occupation: Team Assistant
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Post by AnettDE on Mar 12, 2022 15:26:55 GMT -7
How are you, AnettDE ? Just wondering...
Hello dear Kevin, thank you so much for checking on me. To be honest I have been having a difficult times this last week. I have done bad things, I feel shamed for it. The things I think and fantasize about are so bad thoughts. And afterwards I feel so shamed and guilty for it. Hoping it can turn around some day soon.
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Post by Ɖσмιиιc on Mar 12, 2022 16:24:23 GMT -7
Jesus loves you Anett, just keep close and keep seeking God. He will help you overcome this.
Dear Lord, please help Anett and please give her help and forgiveness. Please help her everyday. Please help us too. In Jesus' name. Amen.
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AnettDE
New Member
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Posts: 10
Occupation: Team Assistant
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Post by AnettDE on Mar 13, 2022 3:52:17 GMT -7
Thank you for support. It is intensive to think about it. It help to understand it I think, to write about. I still masturbate thinking of my doctor. sometime I cannot help it, I dream sometime about it , what happened. Or dream it happen again.
I always was shame before, when I masturbate. when I was young, I think about his abuse, I was doing to myself the same what the doctor did
first I did not know exactly what to do, so I try same things, start by touching my breast and nipples, I would get same feelings in my body, as when he did it. And I would often think back what he did. Afterwards I often feel guilty for it.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 13, 2022 6:21:46 GMT -7
I used to think that doing such behaviors made me feel good. It sure felt that way; like I was getting the best experience of my life. But my mind was being tricked. I'm telling you the truth. All of this pleasure I thought I was feeling was a lie from the devil. I acted out because I was addicted. I fell for the trap. By doing such behaviors, I'm shooting myself up with dopamine. And when the dope quickly wears off, I'm left feeling more lonely, more depressed, more anxious, more moody, more irritable, more craving, more obsession than ever before. Acting out actually doesn't actually make me feel better. It makes me feel worse. That's not pleasure. That's a lie; an illusion; a miserable existence. Never give up, AnettDE, never! |
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 13, 2022 11:59:28 GMT -7
AnettDE, My first thought that this core memory that you have of the doctor may not be the only thing to uncover. There could be an underlying root of brokenness stemming from upbringing by caregivers in your life. I could even go as far as saying that he noticed your brokenness and took advantage of your vulnerability to get a fix for himself. It's obviously unhealthy to be using that memory to act out with in fantasy and MB. And I feel that focusing too much on that memory could be distracting you from something more important. Maybe now would be a good time to focus on other areas of your life that are less triggering. How's your time with the Lord? Your prayer life, your Bible reading? Fellowshipping with friends? Exercise? I want to see you get better as opposed to staying stuck in your pain. This is a lot you're dealing with, but God is bigger than all of this. If you do need to talk about it, I don't want you to trigger yourself or others. Using the term, "touching certain body parts", would probably still get the message across without it being too explicit. That helps me. And thanks for sharing. It's good that you're here.
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Post by Will on Mar 14, 2022 1:17:38 GMT -7
Hi Anett! Well done for reaching out about this. You mentioned shame and I think that is probably very significant to your problem. I heard in a sermon (I think) once that 'all addiction is based on shame'. I think this is true. You mentioned you were abused by your doctor, the shame from this is likely the cause of the addiction to masturbation. Have you opened up with other people you can trust and told them all about the abuse? In my experience this can really help, because shame feeds on being kept hidden, in the dark. But when you open up the most shameful things to others (particularly what may have started the shame in the first place) it opens the whole issue up to the light of God. When that happens, you see that there really wasn't anything to be ashamed of, and even if there was, you are totally forgiven in Christ, His blood cleanses you by you accepting Him. I recommend sharing the full story with trusted Christian friends. God bless you! Will
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Post by Will on Mar 14, 2022 1:20:06 GMT -7
P.S. for some reason I missed Kevin's last post, just read it. Yes agreed!
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Post by Ɖσмιиιc on Mar 14, 2022 5:08:37 GMT -7
it helps me to pray and ask God to change my mind and heart very fast, especially when feeling arousal. God, please help Anett to heal from the abuse the doctor did. PLease help her to forgive and let go and teach her how to hate her sins, like we also have to hate our sins. In Jesus' name. Amen.
You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.
You are more than conquerors in Jesus
God can do what you and I and we can not.
Amen.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 14, 2022 6:04:55 GMT -7
Hi Anett! Well done for reaching out about this. You mentioned shame and I think that is probably very significant to your problem. I heard in a sermon (I think) once that 'all addiction is based on shame'. I think this is true. You mentioned you were abused by your doctor, the shame from this is likely the cause of the addiction to masturbation. Have you opened up with other people you can trust and told them all about the abuse? In my experience this can really help, because shame feeds on being kept hidden, in the dark. But when you open up the most shameful things to others (particularly what may have started the shame in the first place) it opens the whole issue up to the light of God. When that happens, you see that there really wasn't anything to be ashamed of, and even if there was, you are totally forgiven in Christ, His blood cleanses you by you accepting Him. I recommend sharing the full story with trusted Christian friends. God bless you! Will Really good point, Will. I agree. This is so true about shame. For me, shame is waaaaay more destructive than my porn. And when dealing with any of my sin, it's important to God that I embrace non-shamebased methods. Everything stems from my shame; my pride, my Nice Guy Syndrome, my desire to receive validation from others, my porn. Thanks for bringing that up. |
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AnettDE
New Member
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Posts: 10
Occupation: Team Assistant
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Post by AnettDE on Mar 23, 2022 10:15:34 GMT -7
Hi Anett! Well done for reaching out about this. You mentioned shame and I think that is probably very significant to your problem. I heard in a sermon (I think) once that 'all addiction is based on shame'. I think this is true. You mentioned you were abused by your doctor, the shame from this is likely the cause of the addiction to masturbation. Have you opened up with other people you can trust and told them all about the abuse? In my experience this can really help, because shame feeds on being kept hidden, in the dark. But when you open up the most shameful things to others (particularly what may have started the shame in the first place) it opens the whole issue up to the light of God. When that happens, you see that there really wasn't anything to be ashamed of, and even if there was, you are totally forgiven in Christ, His blood cleanses you by you accepting Him. I recommend sharing the full story with trusted Christian friends. God bless you! Will
Hello, thank you so much for the strong words of encouragement. I think that you have a good idea and understanding what I mean and also is going through. With all these thoughts and shame that are resulting from it. I feel sometime like a fake person not worth to belong to social life and society here , when I have all there bad thoughts inside. They are wrong and God help me for acting out on them. I dont have anyone yet that I can confide in, I wish to find someone to do so.
Kindest regards,
A
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Post by Will on Mar 23, 2022 13:06:36 GMT -7
Hi Anett, believe me, everyone feels like a 'fake person not worth to belong to social life and society here'! It's the enemy who tries to make us feel like we're the only one, but actually everyone feels the same. Do you attend a Church? Honestly I know they can often not be very welcoming places, but if you find a good one they can be great places to find the love and acceptance of God through others that you need. (I would recommend a Baptist Church personally: there's plenty of dodgy ones, but also a good chance of finding one with real Christians. Here's a clip I love from John Townsend about sharing our shame with others: www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_GSX374IXk (and by the way I would highly recommend everything on this channel - really shows how other people are in the same boat as you!) |
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Post by Ɖσмιиιc on Mar 24, 2022 3:17:09 GMT -7
Hi Anett, if you can't find any sister here to talk to, try at a local church near you. Just get one women's phone number and try to make a few calls. Even if you dont' find anyone, try to tell a family member who will try to understand. I will pray God will lead you to someone. You always have the Lord too, you can pray constantly, David was alone many times and the Lord never left him. The Lord will not leave us either. Amen. Thank you Jesus.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 24, 2022 5:09:22 GMT -7
I feel sometime like a fake person not worth to belong to social life and society here And that's shame. This feeling that I'm so bad that I have to put on this false self to get others to like me. And it manifests itself in so many ways besides my addiction. Many times, I'm not even aware that I'm acting through my toxic shame. That's a major root you struck. Good job. Personally, my major support system comes from the forum. There are people here everyday. They know me better than most anyone else. It doesn't matter if someone moves away. And they accept me as I am, flaws and everything. |
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