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Post by Ɖσмιиιc on Apr 13, 2022 19:23:04 GMT -7
The only verses that come to my mind are
speak the truth in love -
When I was in counseling, my counselor said to "describe, express, assert, ..I forget let me google.
I think this was it. the dear man approach
My mental health counseling was in 2006 for anxiety and it was given to me when I had an issue when talking other senior members of the military. I'm not trying to suggest this to "manipulate' your wife but to help give some tips. For me, describing means to humbly explain what you are trying to say, without getting mad or agitated, and not like biting your tongue but having a quiet, surrendered spirit with the Lord already before you talk with your partner. Then you can have the fruit of the spirit (Gal 5:22). Try really really hard to listen to her side and see what she is trying to say, usually it's not a bad thing but 'how we interpret what they said' is what is bad and needs to be changed. I was given a sheet on 10 cognitive distortions and put on my site to remind me because I forget. I'll post them below. I have like 7 out of 10 wrong patterns of thinking (all or nothing, catastrophy thinking). A book that helped my marriage was "Every Man's Marriage" and it says a lot about 'oneness' which means, the husband has to listen to the wife's side and come to her side on some things. I don't know what things but I know for me, I have had of lot of 'dying to self' and one brother old me, "who wears the pants in your marriage, you or your wife?" (laughing gently at me) and I said with a straight face, "I don't know" and that is fine. "Labeling" is another cognitive distortion I have and don't want to get in and so I didn't. I explain why my wife does and how she explained it to me, which I have accepted, and I repeated to my brother. He understood now.
My wife and I argue everyday on some of this and some of that. Sometimes, I think "She is 'suspicious' of me because of my past sins' and I have to decide to hold that or let it go. Yesterday, was an example, I let it go, I thought, "if she is suspicious of me, rightly so, I have been doing my sinful pattern of behavior and not much has changed but some has but she might be remember it or even more sad, Satan could be tempting her to 'doubt' my recovery and honestly honestly, I could be doing better < is what I thought better so I didn't argue back.
My wife was not abused but did things before she was a Christian but she is not the same women before. I wish I could say the same. My two cents.
by the way, here is the list of 10 cognitive distortions I was given from a mental health profession a while back. |
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Post by savagetribe on Apr 15, 2022 6:35:04 GMT -7
Thank you. We've reached out to Blazing Grace for counseling. Navigating relationships is what I suck at.
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Post by Ɖσмιиιc on Apr 15, 2022 6:39:57 GMT -7
That is awesome. I hope something helps you and your partner brother. I wish my wife and my family could get counseling too.
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Post by Ɖσмιиιc on Apr 27, 2022 2:08:37 GMT -7
I'm glad you guys can get counseling brother. It helps. Even just talking therapy with other Christian couples too, it all helps. God will bless you I'm sure. Take care.
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Post by savagetribe on Jun 20, 2022 19:03:44 GMT -7
A lot has happened since my last post. My ex partner didn't want to go through the healing process. That's where I had to call it. But God, he's so clever and great to have such a great relationship with. He has settled me into my home and wanted me to start the jamesfivesixteen.com website. This will be an arm for Blazing Grace to fit people into groups or triage. Rogue Web will be going through Mike's books and we will have accountability groups. Also, it will help formulate women groups too. Looking for women leaders here. I'm hoping we can get this started with at least 5 people and if it grows to 8 we need to split off into another group and so on. Disciple concept where we need to build up leaders and replicate ourselves with spreading the good news of Christ's healing and the Gospel. Let me know if you want any part of this and we can get a group started on the web soon. I have one guy ready to join and I need at least 2 more. I'd like one to two more leaders to join as well so we can help each other in case one week one of us are out. Also, helps us scale out to other groups as well, mentoring and discipling. Let me know if you are interested.
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Post by Ɖσмιиιc on Jun 22, 2022 0:54:41 GMT -7
That is good that you have a ministry to help others brother. I think God will bless you. I'm sorry that your relationship didn't work out. I found out from another brother that he also broke up with his girlfriend years ago after catching up for a bit. Both were Christians. I used to think Christians were automatically compatible but I guess I'm wrong. Well, keep your hopes brother, someone is praying for a godly brother and hopefully you are that match for her. Dear God, please help my brother to be OK and my other brother who was in the same boat. Thank you Jesus for giving him a ministry to help others. Please bless him and fill him with the Holy Spirit to do whatever work you want him to do. In Jesus' name. Amen.
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Post by savedbygrace on Jun 22, 2022 10:53:10 GMT -7
Joining in that prayer
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Post by savagetribe on Jul 7, 2022 19:51:33 GMT -7
Update July 2022. JamesFiveSixteen.com is off and running. I've created a link to Blazing Grace forums from the site. God has been working on my character in relationships that are healthy and good. I've taken a 2 month sabbatical with God and focusing on two tasks. The house he provided me and the new ministry. I've been able to be clearer on my intentions even though there are women that have wanted to connect with me in a more romantic way which has distracted me from getting to where he has wanted me to be. I also prayed about it and I'll be starting a free video series on the healing the broken heart. It's inspired by many therapy and ministries that I've attended during my recovery and restoration. It will be a video series to target people that are wishy washy in their intents. Sometimes people reach out for help because if they don't there are negative consequences. They are deceiving themselves. Our hearts need to be pure to God and seek him with love and ferocity. You need to have your heart on fire with the intent of connecting with God in order to have true healing in your life. By going through the motions, your personal relationship with God will be as shallow as the porn you consume and as empty as masturbation. One of the things I'm praying for is a woman leader for both Blazing Grace and James Five Sixteen since we now work in conjunction. Please pray for God to rise up a woman to help screen, lead and manage groups. This is essential for complete healing in families, spouses, partners and friendships. After sabbatical, I really need to start reaching out developing long-lasting friendships in the area I'm in. The problem is that many of the single women immediately go for the juggler of romance and intimacy rather than developing a non-exclusive rich friendship. People use exclusive in connecting with the opposite sex as a way to control the other's behavior. It is not healthy for a recovered porn addict to isolate. We need community; we need authentic brothers and sisters in Christ to surround ourselves with and to help each other. During this time, I have felt free, at peace with God and catching up on the enormous amount of work both personally, professionally and in the ministry. I'm excited that on July 22nd, we kick off the first Rogue Web group. Please sign up at JamesFiveSixteen.com and we'll send you the agenda, time and link to get to the meeting. I hope and pray to see you all soon on the web meeting. More to come in the future but for now, I pray for all who are seeking God for inner healing and a rebirth of our character in him. May God give you strength, courage and wisdom as you walk this earth and protect you from temptation and evil. In Christ name, Amen.
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Post by Ɖσмιиιc on Jul 9, 2022 1:05:48 GMT -7
Amen. I hope the ministry will help others. Looking forwarding to it.
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Post by savagetribe on Sept 30, 2022 20:22:23 GMT -7
Update: Oct. 1st. Two men's groups are live and prayers are healing hearts. My life is God's and his will. If he wants me to be with someone who can help me minister and work as a team, that's up to him. I've stopped worrying about it. So many people out there hurting and we have such little time. Be the hands and feet of Jesus. Walk in his will. We need to submit to him, stop going through the revolving door of sexual sin and just let go of our control. Give me more faith in you Father where I lack faith. Help me to continue to be Humble. I revere you Abba Father. It's not by my will but by your will. I stand in awe of your perfect love for me and how I fall short each day but through the blood of Christ, I have been made anew. Encouragement to everyone...keep seeking God with all your might.
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Post by savagetribe on Dec 18, 2022 18:15:08 GMT -7
Update 12/2022: Growing in God continues. Developing the person relationship with him. Honestly, it freaks people out a bit. Once they realize you aren't joking, they back off. Friendships are hard to forge because how much this world has been paralyzed by sexual sin. They think they live in a Disneyland but underneath their nose are deception and lies. They are fooling themselves. Once God removes that blindfold, you can never turn back. You either face your fears head on or you pretend it doesn't exist which causes anxiety. Also, many Christians do not believe in God's healing and grace. They are probably the hardest to form friendships with and they tend to judge and reject you if you own up to your own sins. People, our churches are enate. They are so broken that their influence in Christ healing is 0%. They are deceived by the doing, the sitting in the pew and checking off the list to be a good Christian. They go to church as a cattle trough asking the pastor to feed me, make me feel good instead of looking to God for answers and substance. My friends, I feel alone in this world with very few friends, almost zero person to person contact. This is not what Christ meant to fellowship. Romantic relationships are even harder. There is no book that teaches life with relationships after COVID and inner healing. No book to tell you how to forge friendships. It's all God and learning by trial and error. Like I said, my God is the most important to me, my redeemer, my everything but here on earth is another story. For those of us that thrive in community, the community is dead and the rise of isolation grows.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740 
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Dec 19, 2022 6:21:00 GMT -7
Brother, you can come any time here to share the frustration of being lonely at the top.
I know what you mean. And I don't want to go back down in that pit of sin again. It's sad what our churches have come to. By trying to appeal to the world, we've lost our salt.
It's good to hear from you. And I'm glad you're still living in the spirit; close to the Lord.
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Post by savagetribe on Jul 10, 2023 6:21:38 GMT -7
Update July 2023: My commitment to God continues and my love for him grows each day. I've met someone who has influenced me to keep pursuing God and live a healthy life spiritually, mentally and physically. We have committed our hearts to one another and love each other. God brought her to me and feel blessed. One thing I'm struggling with is accepting love. At times, I feel anxiety of when the rug is going to be pulled out from underneath me. I'm going before God in this but after healing finding out how to live a healthy interpersonal lifestyle is new and awkward. In many ways, it challenges my heart and need to trust in God explicitly. The aftershocks of our pain, hurt and learning how to live anew can challenge you but trusting in God to be there in every turn tests the faith in him.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jul 10, 2023 11:13:34 GMT -7
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Post by savagetribe on Mar 11, 2024 3:16:56 GMT -7
Update:March 2024. I recently got married. January 15th, 2024. We are living a life worth living for in Christ alone. We do daily devotionals together and live by grace. She knows all my past, pains and struggles. She encourages me each day to look to God for strength. The relationship is way different than what I experienced before. She is compassionate, humble and loving. I am truly blessed and only God could make this happen. Truly a miracle honestly. We pray for each other and honor each moment God gives us to share with each other. Three years ago, I never thought of that my life would be blessed in a way that God restores 100x greater. He has exceeded all expectations and has shown me His love beyond measure. Walking life free from sexual sin is a choice. It's a choice each day when you wake up and a daily prayer to invite Him into your life throughout the day. Putting on the full armor of God and living a life without sexual sin controlling and manipulating decisions, your heart and people around you. It starts with seeking God with all of your being. Let Christ be your all. In Christ forever, Amen
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