Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 26, 2020 22:12:40 GMT -7
To give an example:
I found out PA had been messaging/chatting with other PA’s on Reddit. Some of them were AP’s, some not. He gave me permission to read the messages. Several of the messages are not chatting but sexting. I had to really push him to admit that his “chatting” was not just boy talk but sexting.
A lot of our discussions call for us to define words so that we are both agree what the word means. Therefore we determined that sexting was sending someone sexually explicit photographs or messages via mobile phone.
His “chatting” was sexually explicit. His “chatting” was to someone. And his “chatting” was via his mobile. So he reluctantly agreed that he had been sexting several guys but hadn’t realised that was what he was doing. He thought at the time that it was just boy talk.
A few weeks later I reread the messages in more detail and realised that my PA had said to one particular guy that what they were doing was sexting and that because it aroused the other guy, maybe it was not in the spirit of nofap.
I hit the roof and have done several times since. From his messages/chatting/sexting on reddit, it is clear he knew he was sexting. But he still says he didn’t lie to me at the time we discussed whether the messaging fell into the sexting category and he must have blocked that particular detail.
I don’t know if I should believe what he is telling me or if I should believe what he told this guy. It appears he never intended me to read these messages, he never intended on getting “caught” so I think it is more likely he was speaking freely to this guy and it is more likely to be the truth than what he’s trying to get me to believe.
I can’t move on because I feel like he is still lying to himself and to me.
|
|
KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,735
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
|
Post by KevinesKay on Feb 26, 2020 23:15:36 GMT -7
@brokenwife7,
I'm not a fan of NoFap. I think that there a lot better online resources for me. And Reddit? Why?
I've never been on Reddit, but I know enough about it to make it a clear boundary violation for myself.
If he really wants to get better, it shouldn't that difficult for him to find resources that you feel comfortable with.
Intherooms.com Sexaholics Anonymous Sex Addicts Anonymous Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous RTribe Reboot Nation Talking Sober
to name just a few.
I must add that your husband has to be intrinsically motivated to recover. Pleasing God and pleasing his family are noble reasons to make changes. But it won't work until he desires to change because he sees how it's going to benefit him.
You won't be able to make him do the work. He's got to do that on his own. You won't be able to "love" or "police" him out of this. You will have to let go and let God. And get all the support that you need. Because this won't be easy. And it will be impossible alone.
Thanks for sharing. Keep reaching out. I'm glad you're here.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 28, 2020 4:51:48 GMT -7
Broken, Reddit is a big no no. It's a horrible platform that is rife with porn and hookups. Any of those kind of platforms are like that...4 chan...8 chan... 8 kun. Even if you try to avoid the porn, it pops up because nothing is off limits on those platforms. You really have to be strong in order to handle going on those. Make that one of your boundaries.
|
|