strong helping the weak

I love how the Lord works. Have you noticed that we take turns in being strong and weak?

i am weak, my struggle has been with asian massage parlors. i went to one last friday and had sex with her. i have been going to amps for a couple of years now 4 or 5 times a month. i have been trying to stop but havent been successful so far. i need some help, prayer and accountability. i want to stop. to break this habit. amp are everywhere. i plan on checking in daily until i can get 90 days sobriety. its been 6 days. i start struggling in the second week. i think i have obsessive compulsuve disorder and definitely obsess over lack of sex in my married life. in anycase if i need to live as if im single then God's will not mine.

I have been where you are man. I know what you are going through. Are you in Asia? I am. I sent  you my personal story in a private message. Please look over it and see where and how God delivered me. Lord Jesus, please help this man come to you Jesus. 

Quick background on me: I am married to a Japanese lady. we have three children. I have been everywhere, been tested for STD's many times, been diagnozsed with OCD. (there is a support group for that too let me knwo if you are interested). Now God took away my sin, changed my heart, let my wife forgive me, and kept me safe from sickness. 

i almost lost it all man. 

this may sound strong...but you have to hit rock bottom and lose it all before you seek real recovery. that is what had to happen to me anyway. 

Satan has you in the cords of your sin. Your god is your own body, sex is an idol, you love God less than sex so you are serving your self which is satanic. also consider the fact that you might not be saved, and also, you are supporting human trafficking....brothels count too. 

If you are serious about getting your life right, go to God in prayer, don't tak your sin lightly and so whatever it takes to get right with God first. 

1. cancel internet  2. give all your money to your wife   3. etc...   4, tell this to a pastor who can pray for you. 5. do what the pastor tells you do to.


...if you are not wiling yet, perhaps you need to be more broken, i had to anyway,....

You are smashing your wife who is supposed to be a beautiful rose to you. 
I'm sorry but I can't give you good advise like "it's all right" and "keep going" ...you need to hear this...



my sponsor (if you would call him that) is a drug-addiction counselor for Teen Challenge. He told me some sobering truths.


do you want to go to hell?
do you want to jerk off until you die?
do you want your family to know you as the man who jerked off, left his family?

My heart was ready to hear that and I was desperate? Are you desperate yet?


Come to Jesus who has power to raise your dead soul from the dead. Nothing else matters. 
Seek Sex-Addition Recovery from godly resources like "Every Man's Battle" and "Celebrate Recovery" books. I could recommend some. 
You need to get tested for STD's, you need to come clean with your pastor, your wife and God. 


(Proverbs 28:13) Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper,
but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.


Jesus Christ is Lord and God and Savior and there is no other One that loves you to help you and save you. 
God bless you. 

Dominic

Hi Freefrombathsheba,

I live in Sydney and yep those asian parlours are everywhere. Praying for you. Staying accountable on this board has definitely helped me. It is sometimes SO painful having to admit that I'm back to square one again when I have stumbled , but it actually helps a great deal. What are your triggers do you think, that makes this happen? It has helped me to identify these. It's like working backwards from a fall. I think, well I watched porn. But how did that get started? Well I was watching sensual movies on youtube. How did that get started? Well because of that one scene in that straight movie. How did that get started? Well because I was watching that movie. And that was because I clicked the link for it even though I knew deep down that watching movies is not good for me. And that was because I was cruising online for something to cheer me up. And that was because I thought I deserved it. And that was because I had a really tough day at work and felt like I was hard done by and nothing seemed to go right. And deep down I blamed God for it. - There it is, the root cause. My stumble started days earlier by me allowing an evil resentment towards the Lord God to go unchecked in me, wrongly blaming Him for something that was not His fault. It's that spiritual stuff that's really the problem. Once we identify where it started, when a thought like that comes into our mind we learn to think 'RED ALERT': Repent of that thought immediately and cut it off by the Truth, that God is good and the one tempting and frustrating us is the enemy. God bless you, praying for you.

there are 2 things... there is the 'apparent need' and pain of build up. I wait for natural release and it doesnt seem to happen. The other from a profound sense of rejection from women in general. I believe thus is because i have aspergers like my dad. I turn people off from my odness. especially attractive women. i got into this when i unknowingly scheduled what i thought was a legit massage in the wrong place. I even stopped her prior to release and left in tears but i went back several months later and have been stuck since. I realize now the seeds of my sin have been in my mind for my whole life. I idolize beautiful women. I renounce that idolization. God I believe help my unbelief. I might try 'lustless' m. but I go to the parlor anyway so its more than just release but that i am touched emotionally. i am very lonely. I shall seek out some time with some friends this week instead of going to M Parlor. im leaving my extra cash at home when i go to work today.

Hi Free,

I can fully relate to everything you said. Although I've never done the massage thing, I think if I had had the experience you had where you weren't expecting it, pretty sure I wouldn't have been strong enough to resist.

- profound sense of rejection from women - check
- turning people off by oddness - check. Although this I have learnt for me is more to do with a) the insecurity I have emitted in the past, and b) anger and grumpiness in expectation of rejection
- seeds of sin in my mind my whole life - check. This is a HUUUUUGE point. Took me many years to get this. That I'm not 'hard done by', I'M my own problem (and Jesus Christ is the cure). My go-to when I find myself feeling sorry for myself, is David's prayer of forgiveness. Think it is Psalm 51:5:

"51 Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.

2 Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.

3 For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.

4 Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.

5 Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.

6 Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.

7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

8 Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.

9 Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.

10 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

11 Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.

12 Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.

13 Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.

14 Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.

15 O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.

16 For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.

17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

18 Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem.

19 Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar."

He says:

a) please to blot out his trangression's because of GOD's goodness, not anything of his own
b) his sin is against GOD alone
c) he himself is wicked, and that wickedness is his alone, and comes from him. Have heard this translated as 'I was born wicked from my mother's womb'.

It helps me to repeat this: it's not the situation's fault, or the bad fortune I've had. My sin is my own, and God's goodness is the only way it can be forgiven.

- Idolised beautiful women - check.
- Very lonely - check.

It is a difficult one as a man understanding how to treat women. They are very different from us, have different assumptions, see things differently, react differently than we would and respond completely differently to just about everything. That's why they can seem exotic and untouchable because we have no idea what makes them do what they do.

However, each woman is ALSO a fellow creature of God, with a heart and feelings and hopes that ARE exactly the same as ours.

While we can't treat them like men, we also can't see them as fundamentally foreign.

What has helped me hugely is the Word of God and how it teaches us to treat women. It's still a work in progress for me. I struggle now less so with the idolising and more with the line between taking a leading role - that I have found all women look for and hope for from men, and the Bible says it is so (also it just really works!) but not being bullying or overbearing - particularly with domineering women. Following the Word of God, I will no longer be domineered by women. But how to act when you meet one who wants to boss you around, without going to war with them, that is a tough one that I have not done well with. I'm thinking just quiet reserve and walking away is the way to act in that situation.

Anyway sorry am rambling now. But you're not alone!! And there is hope in Jesus. We have (because of our sinfulness that He is the cure of) wrongly learned so many things. It takes time to unlearn them, but boy is it worth it.

Here's an amazing video (part 1 of 2) about understanding the opposite sex. Really helped me:

blazinggrace.forums.net/thread/3123/understanding-opposite-shaunti-feldhahn

Another thing that came to my mind in reading your post was, something that I read or heard listening to someone talking about sex addiction that stuck with me was: it is ALWAYS associated with SHAME. If you can identify what it is in your life that is causing you to feel shame that you are using the addiction to 'numb', you are on the right track in getting to the root cause of pain, anger and sadness that is feeding this.

And like Ladystrong says (and I have to concur basically with what she says), shame is banished by LIGHT. The light of God: that is allowing the truth about yourself that you are ashamed of to be opened up to the light of other people knowing about it and seeing it. Trust me I know all about shame! And it is banished by light. The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Truth.

In my experience, the more people you tell about this the better.

Also lustless masturbation - there's no such thing bro! One of the best things in my recovery has been understanding the importance of 'zero tolerance'. It is WAY easier to live a Godly life without going anywhere NEAR that stuff, than it is to go a bit near it, then hope to pull back at the last moment. That's the 'wide berth' principal. God has saved me through it so many times. It's because the inspiration to keep going and to love living free and happy only comes with 'zero tolerance'. You don't get that great blessing from God that keeps you motivated with 'just a bit of sin, but not much'. For me, that has never worked.

Also hear you about the 'apparent need' and the 'pain of build-up'. I would say these are probably the same thing. I spent a long time thinking this was some kind of a physical issue that I 'needed' release and it was a body thing. What I have learnt is that it is not physical AT ALL. It is 100% a spiritual thing. There might be some nocturnal emissions somewhere along the line, but trust me you don't 'need' this, at all.

The 'pain of build-up', in my experience is the pain that you have been numbing with this drug (and it is TOTALLY a drug), is being less and less numbed, and is coming to the surface again, and that is terrifying! Here's what has happened with me:

-stumble into sin
-remorse keeps me sober for a while
-after a few days the pain (emotional) and loneliness starts knawing again. It feels like it is only going to get worse and can't possibly be resisted. But that is a lie from the enemy.

Then there comes a point where there is a choice to sin to relieve the pain or not. If you choose sin, then the whole process starts again, but a bit worse than before. OR, this happens:

- you keep resisting the devil, praying to Jesus for strength. You stay sober, but it feels like your whole world is collapsing around you. Everything starts going wrong. You get irritable, angry, frustrated, get angry at God because you're being 'good' but still nothing is going right.

Then, usually, for me at least, I have a trantrum. With God. Some small thing goes wrong and I get hugely disproportionately angry and shout and stamp my feet and am really grumpy. And THEN, it passes. The storm has passed, with Christ's help, you have won the battle. The enemy's temporary bubble has burst, as it always must, because that's all he's got. You look back and usually for me for the first time I realise 'hey, I wasn't really angry because I burnt that pizza, that was actually the bitterness and anger and frustration, the dross, that was in me, that I've been trying to numb with porn, coming to the surface and coming out. And there is peace, and you have overcome. And you see God smiling down saying 'See! I told you!'

Anyway, sorry for the long rant! God bless you. And remember, zero tolerance, wide berth, and pray to the Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth when you are tempted.

I need to remember that living a Godly life is its own reward, not expecting some material blessing 'because Ive been good' that is the wrong attitude. When I sin, I pierce my own soul, I wound my own heart! I grieve for what I have done to myself and also for joining a member of Christ to a prostitute! May it never again be!