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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2018 16:32:54 GMT -7
Yesterday I was feeling very strong set down my boundaries get help within a week or choose to stay in guest room. Last night he decided to slept in another room. I have peace with my decision yesterday,nothing will change without help but I am so drained right now. lot of tears today. We haven’t said a word to each other today. I don’t have anything to say. Wondering when separated have others had no contact for awhile?
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2018 7:11:20 GMT -7
I have never experienced in home separation. I have been on this forum long enough to help our ladies while they are putting this boundary in place. Not talking for a time is normal and can be healing by letting both parties get a handle on their emotions. Prolonged silence however can be damaging because it further distances the couple. So try setting up a time to come together and talk.
Hugs hon. I wish I could take this pain and hurt from you. My heart is with you.
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Post by ladystrong on Feb 19, 2018 12:00:00 GMT -7
I have done in home separation but not usually for more than one night. It’s mostly when I’ve needed space from my H because if we didn’t, we’d probably end up fighting instead of working things out in a civil manner. He usually opts to sleep on the couch. I don’t know much about long term in home separation. That’s a challenge. I know I couldn’t do it even after my H told me about the affair but he had repented by then.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2018 18:16:33 GMT -7
I'm on my 4th out-of-home separation in the last 13 months (1 night in January '17 then from 3/2017 to 7/2017, 1 week in November of '17, and now ongoing since 1/14/18). I don't think in-home separation would've worked in my circumstances, but I do believe it works in others. Hugs for what you're going through. It's hard no matter how you slice it. Talk to him when you're ready, even when he tried pressuring you about it. You're in my prayers.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2018 18:48:37 GMT -7
Thanks for the advice ladies. The in home separation was my step one if he didn’t start help by my Sunday deadline. Since he went there before Sunday. I think I need Step two asking him to leave the house. We don’t live by family. I am not sure he will go. would have to find a place. He is showing no real remorse. Kelly do you have contact with your husband? I am considering at least a few weeks or longer out of house separation with no contact. It will help me fully clear my head maybe a wake up call for him.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2018 19:45:50 GMT -7
Yes, I do. My thread is Emotional Abuse (I also had one titled Cautiously Optimistic, but EA is the one I've updated the most), so feel free to look at my story any time. My H has always tried to throw guilt at me for kicking him out. It's a battle to stick with the truth that HIS choices are why he's not living with me now.
Last April, I sort of dated my husband after he moved out, but he was still looking at P through all of that. It wasn't until I told him I was divorcing him that he turned a small leaf. And since we're separated yet again right now, our journey since July has remained troublesome.
When H moved out in January, we didn't talk for a week. Then I initiated some kindness towards him, which got us talking again. Right now, we see a counselor we both love and trust, but I've really only seen him socially about 3 times since he moved out. I think it needs to be that way for now. I love my H, but I'm not going to let him pressure me into situations I don't feel safe in anymore.
My point in all this is to tell you to trust your gut and do what feels right for you. P will do evil things to people. Calling it manipulative and hostile isn't strong enough. Only God will lead you right, so do what gives you peace. Much support and love to you.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2018 12:44:12 GMT -7
It has been an emotional week. With the weekend coming and us actually being in the house at the same time may get even more emotional. Sunday is his deadline to get help. One hand I still have hope for the marriage the other thinks maybe it’s over. Seeking Gods Will as he will carry me through regardless.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2018 14:00:43 GMT -7
You are in my prayers hon.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2018 17:46:30 GMT -7
Praying for you as well. Stand in truth. Hugs!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2018 16:34:32 GMT -7
Things do not appear to be going in a positive direction. My H still has not seeked help like I asked. We have not talked about the next steps for us. He is still in guest room has not directly said anything to me but appears to be looking to move out. He is just not the person I married right now. He truly appears to only care about him. I knew I could no longer continue like this when I set the boundary with him. I knew it may not wake him up but I had to take care of me. I wish I could turn it off like he appears to.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2018 18:56:56 GMT -7
Hugs! It's definitely painful to go through this. You're in my prayers.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2018 19:54:20 GMT -7
Hugs hon. I so wish I could be there with you while you are dealing with this. I am praying for you.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 4, 2018 7:14:27 GMT -7
Need to let out some frustration. We talked yesterday Although he admits this is all on him and he realize there is a problem. He feels he needs to go it alone. He is not receiving any professional help. Feels he has been doing better with P since we separated in separate rooms. He will be looking for a place to live. He feels even if he stops P I will never trust him again. I feel it will take a lot on both are parts but we could get there. If we both work at it. He seems unwilling to try. Which until he gets help with P working on us is not a option. We both agreed not to file for divorce right now. Unless he makes huge changes I see no other option. I don’t want to be pulled along if he is not changing. Praying for Gods guidance.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 4, 2018 7:55:15 GMT -7
I will be praying that God continues to work in your husband's heart. Taking blinders off is difficult. It comes with much pain, self-condemnation, and hopelessness which can lead to stumbling. So the Lord not only has to remove the blinders but also help the person deal with these negative emotions and the addiction.
This is not an easy thing to deal with for the addict or the loved one. Hang in there sweetheart. I am praying that Christ gives you comfort, peace and guidance.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2018 18:11:06 GMT -7
Having one of those moments that I haven’t had in awhile. So angry, sad and somewhat shocked he is just letting this evil addiction ruin him and our marriage.
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