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Post by Deleted on Dec 16, 2017 18:17:26 GMT -7
One thing that has worked well for me is journaling and letter writing. Journaling is for you to keep to get your thoughts down on paper and letter writing is to get your feelings out toward the other person (including God). With letter writing I suggest writing it, putting it aside for a bit then rereading it. From there you can decide to either give it to the person or destroy it. Burning them is very cathartic.
Try to do as Lady said and stay close to our Father. I know how hard that can be when we are stressed and hurt and angry. Remember God can handle even our anger. So scream and yell at Him when you need to.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 16, 2017 20:27:50 GMT -7
Thank you both! Yes, I’ve been journaling, it helps me with collecting my thoughts. And I’m going to church with a good friend tomorrow, it’s been a few years since my husband had bad experiences with church as a kid. I was wondering what your experiences were with separation. What did it look like for you? Did you see or talk to your husband? I’m glad I’ve set up another counselor. I don’t feel see takes the porn addiction seriously.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 16, 2017 22:48:22 GMT -7
I do not have personal experience with separation. My husband got physically abusive with me when I confronted him on his viewing underage porn. That ended our marriage. Women on here that have done separation usually have had some contact with their husbands because it either is an in house separation where they remain living together but sleep separately or they live separately and have couple's counseling and/or dates.
You need to decide what will work for you and discuss it with your husband. You may need to have a clean break at first and only see each other during counseling or you might be able to handle more.
Many counselors don't have training in porn/sex addiction. Usually if they specialize in addictions they will recognize that porn/sex addiction is just as serious as other addictions and just as damaging.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2017 6:38:07 GMT -7
This not knowing what he’s doing is killing me. I can’t stop wondering if he’s with someone else or if he’s okay. Then I get angry that he threw our life away for what. I really felt God was telling me to hold on to my marriage and give him time, but then I wonder if I’m just a fool and should just serve him divorce papers. Can we really come back from this? I look back just a couple months and he was so happy. I just don’t understand.
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Post by ladystrong on Dec 19, 2017 16:45:20 GMT -7
I know how hard it is to not know. It’s also hard to just let him make his own decisions and mistakes because you know it will affect you and the family. I did not do a time of separation though so I don’t know how that feels to not be in close communication. I can imagine that it’s very difficult and exhausting because of the anxiety of not knowing. Keep your eyes on God by listening to worship music and memorizing scripture. Talk to other safe women for support. Pray for your husband because you just might be the only one standing in the gap for him.
Things can get better but it’s going to have to take both of you to make it better. Since he was lying for so long your trust has been badly broken. Maybe something in the middle of his recovery threw him off and he got off track. I can’t remember if you said there was a transition time from one job to the next.
I don’t think God is necessarily saying let go of your marriage by serving him divorce papers. My experience was letting go of my husband and marriage by choosing to commit it all to the Lord. I just keep giving it up to Him, constantly. I knew I wanted to stay with my H but was so lost in sadness that I had no clue how to proceed. It was a very dark time one year ago. I know the Lord pulled me through it as I clinged to Him with all my heart.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2017 21:46:55 GMT -7
Thank you for your advice. I went to a counselor yesterday to help with working through some of these emotions and my own issues. She specialized in helping people heal from trauma. This was the best I have ever done for myself. For the first time in my life, I felt like someone actually listened to me. But more powerful then that she shared her story that was similar to mine and told me I wasn’t the only one like this. She shared literature on Adult Children of Alcoholics and as I read the list of characteristics of an ACA it was like a veil had been lift. Everything made since and was clear. Like I really exhaled for the first time. All the fear, anxiety, sadness and angry was immediately released. I was kind of dumbfounded and felt like I should of known all this.
I attend my first ACA meeting tomorrow! I’m looking forward to really focusing on myself and being a better mom.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2017 8:26:28 GMT -7
Yay! I am so glad you are seeing a counselor and focusing on your healing! I am also an adult child of an alcoholic. It is very eye opening when you first see the characteristics.
Hugs hon. I pray your meeting goes well.
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