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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2017 8:09:21 GMT -7
I am completely lost and overwhelmed. The last time I saw my husband was June 28 when he left for work. He will only communicate with me through text. He hasn't been to work, which means we are losing our business. I had to let all of the employees go last Friday. I have discovered he has been seeking sex from craigslist and from a website for affairs. We have been married almost 23 years, have 3 beautiful children I brought into the marriage and 8 wonderful grandchildren. He tells me he is not a good man. That even if I don't believe it he loves me and that eventually I will be happier than I have ever been. I keep telling him there is hope and help but he says no. I feel so alone. I am also dealing with this without my 97 year old dads knowledge. He lives with us. My dad blames himself for coming between our marriage. Its not true. we were so happy together. I know its crazy, but I still want him back. I want it to be better. I want him to get help, but he says there is no help or doesn't respond. Please help us. please pray for us. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2017 14:27:17 GMT -7
I am sorry hon. There really isn't much you can do if he isn't willing to try. You need to ask yourself if you are willing to stay in the marriage as it is or is it time to let your marriage go.
The only thing you can change and control is your own life. I would suggest focusing on healing yourself and following God's leading. Your first step should be to seek help by reaching out to others...friends, family, support groups, counselor etc. I think you need to consider telling your father the truth. He shouldn't be beating himself up for something he didn't do.
Do you have a way to support yourself? It sounds like your business can't make it without your husband...or can it?
I am praying for you and your husband. God can and does work miracles.
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Post by ladystrong on Jul 26, 2017 15:07:06 GMT -7
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Are you getting support from other women in your church? Do you have at least one friend you can confide in? Have you let your pastor know? Does he have a friend you can call on to get in touch with him (former groomsmen, men from the church, etc.)?
There is hope but the marriage is dependent on your husband choosing to get help. He's deep in guilt and he can't see through the fog because the enemy is keeping him bound.
Like Amy said, take care of yourself while you are waiting. Don't wait on him to change in order to heal. Cling to God and make Him your One and Only. It took two years for my husband to confess about his adultery because he was so afraid of the future: losing me and our children. He was also very scared, felt all alone, wasn't sure what to do and gave up on a lot of things.
Since he's communicating through text at least you have a way to stay connected. I would tell your father what is happening so that he doesn't bear any guilt either. I'm praying for you all.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2017 19:22:51 GMT -7
Amymine and Ladystrong
thank you. My post was very disjointed. I understand what you are saying about telling my dad, but he will never accept my husband again if he learns this. I have told my dad that my husband is suffering from severe depression and stress that has overwhelmed him. This is true. His brother passed away suddenly last September, his father is in the end stages of Alzheimer's and we had a scare about losing the business just a couple of months ago. Add that to stopping anti-depressants so he could take a weight loss drug prescribed by his pcp, but against the advise of his psychologist who said he should take it for a year. From all the research I have been able to do, this only started in the last 2 - 3 months. My husband has overcome drug and alcohol addiction. we have fought hard for our marriage. The morning he left when we finished our prayer time together, he was crying, hard. I didn't know then the shame and guilt he was carrying. I'm sure the Lord spoke to him about confessing to me, but he couldn't do it. Now he is going deeper and deeper..... No one knows the details. I wouldn't know who to talk to. I am going to sign up for counseling at our church. An exact quote from him when I tell him we can get help is "I have done way too much for that to happen." I sent him the link here this morning but he didn't respond. I would like to know how to smile again. Its been 4 weeks today since he left and that is the last time I smiled. I feel dead. Just going through motions. Thank you so much for the prayers. |
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Post by ladystrong on Jul 26, 2017 21:22:22 GMT -7
Wow, that's a lot to go through as a couple. It sounds as if there is an isolation issue because you haven't told anyone about this. It's really important that you talk with someone soon or else this will eat up your joy. You can't do this alone, and holding it in for four weeks has likely caused you major stress. We were created for community, not just with our spouses, but with other believers.
Your job right now is to get connected to other women in your church. You need it. I wouldn't recommend telling everyone about what has happened but feel people out as to what their views on porn addiction and adultery are at this time.
Do you have any close friends you can call for prayer? Anyone who was in your bridal party at the time of marriage? This is the time to call on their help if they are Christians. Good job on seeking out a Christian counselor, you're one step closer to being healed.
You probably feel "dead" inside because you are still in shock. Ask people for help. Adultery, porn addiction, and sex addiction is not as uncommon as people think, we just tend to not talk about it. If you're having a hard time making meals for yourself, ask someone you trust in the church to set up a meal train for you.
My main point is you need to get other people involved if you want to win this battle. He needs support from other men who will listen and restore him to the faith. You need support from other women as you heal.
I'm praying for you both.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2017 5:53:18 GMT -7
Your hubby needs to stop the weight loss pill and get back on his psych pills. Weight loss pills don't work most of the time especially when the person is suffering from depression. People that suffer from depression try to self medicate with food, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, porn etc. I have bipolar so I know from first hand experience. My biggest issue and easiest thing to use when I am depressed is food.
I am glad you are looking at counseling for yourself. You are reaching out by doing that and by posting here. I pray you can find someone else in your life that you can talk to freely. It helps to have a close friend or family member you can confide in. I also pray that your husband joins our group here. He would get plenty of support and Godly counsel from the men here.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2017 8:52:09 GMT -7
Hi... hopeinchrist...
Welcome to BG...
We are all friends and sisters here bound together by our pain.
You guys have been threw alot lately. Im so sorry..
In one thought I'm thinking...I'm sure your husband feels that if he fully confessed his sin to you that their is no way you would want to continue being with him... he fears you will leave... thats how my husband felt!
But in another thought... your husband leaving your home and abandoning you the way he did and him being very unresponsive makes me wonder if he is hiding something that you really dont want to hear or will affect you in a way that he just doesn't want to put you threw.
My husband was also trolling craigslist for sex! He got caught before he got to go threw with it. It doesn't change the effect of the pain.
I have been married 28 years and i am currently staying in a marriage with an unrepentant PA husband. It has been hell but slowly... very slowly making progress.
Im sorry your going threw all of this.. i will be praying for you...
Hugs..
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Post by Will on Jul 28, 2017 6:16:53 GMT -7
Hi HopeinChrist!
Tell him you know he is not a good man. Neither is any other human being on earth, that's why we need Jesus.
Tell him that "I have done way too much for that to happen" is a blasphemy against God. Jesus redeemed murderers and lifelong prostitutes. Does your husband think he is so special that his sins are more powerful than Almighty God? They are not. The Lord Jesus offers Him complete redemption from all his sins, through the blood of His sacrifice at the Cross. All your husband has to do is accept God's help.
Don't think you should be planning an exit strategy. Your marriage is salvagable. Is your husband a believer?
God bless you!
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