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Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2017 6:09:31 GMT -7
Jay I second everything Lady said. I just want to add that your hubby needs to earn your trust and respect back. Tell him that and tell him what you need to see from him to begin that process. Most men don't understand that for women being intimate needs to have those 2 things incorporated in the relationship.
Be as transparent as you can be with what you need and set down concrete boundaries so that you feel safe. Keep reminding yourself of the truth. When an addict twists and gaslights, the other person starts to doubt themselves.
You are the beloved daughter of God. Remember that.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2017 7:54:22 GMT -7
Hey Jay... Gosh your husband sounds just like mine! It is ok for you to feel broken... i finally just let myself accept that i was a fully broken person. That this constant abuse and betrayal was to much for me and i was not ever going to be the same... thats the gods honest truth.... but then thats when i began to heal. In the quite of my pain and despair.. their was a tiny voice inside of me. Telling me i was better than this.. stronger than this... i feel it was God talking to me. I had to stop focusing on my husband and all the crap that comes with him and listen for the tiny voice. First i was just crawling and surviving now im slowly starting to stand back up and walk again. I started putting in place what i needed to function in my everyday life. I got on antidepressant and i got involved with a psychiatrist and told her what my life is like but then told her my main purpose for being here us not to focus on my Husbands PA but to ficus on becoming a better stronger me. To learn skills to stop hus abuse in its tracks so i dont have to carry that burden around. Thats his toxic world.... NOT MINE! i asked her to help me learn to be more independent outside of my husband. Not to need him to get my self worth or happiness from. Im learning.. im stronger than i thought and he has noticed a change in me.
I am a wife that has choosen to stay in a marriage to a man who hasent fully repent yet... and im not sure he ever will. He just might be a PA for life. However in the mean time im growing changing getting stronger and more secure within myself and I get my love and support from God. My mother.. a few friends and all you guys on here. I feel this is whats best for now BUT.. if he never chooses to get well. If I've done what im supposed to do to save our marriage and done what Gods has set for what he expects from a wife and my husband still stays an abusi
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Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2017 8:06:48 GMT -7
Oops... accidentally hit post!
If he stays an abusive man towards me and then down deep.. i know i will probably have to put him out. Or leave him at some point... as heartbreaking as that is. He will have pushed me to make a choice thats best for my well-being... my sanity!
We understand you jay. Your husband is caught by the devils trap and the devil is trying to destroy you all. Stop him and create a barrier for yourself and your children. Your husband has his own free will but you can rise up with the will of God and not let your husbands sin destroy you. One little tiny step at a time. You can do this ... we will be your cheerleaders and cheer you on. And in those moments when you feel weak we will cry with you too.
Jay.. i too am working on my weight. I know how bad that knocks you down and makes your self esteem feel. We can help each other. We can share together. All we have to worry about is losing one pound at a time. We can do it... i believe in you jay!
Hugs .. love ... and prayers!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 28, 2017 6:39:24 GMT -7
Hey Jay... Gosh your husband sounds just like mine! It is ok for you to feel broken... i finally just let myself accept that i was a fully broken person. That this constant abuse and betrayal was to much for me and i was not ever going to be the same... thats the gods honest truth.... but then thats when i began to heal. In the quite of my pain and despair.. their was a tiny voice inside of me. Telling me i was better than this.. stronger than this... i feel it was God talking to me. I had to stop focusing on my husband and all the crap that comes with him and listen for the tiny voice. First i was just crawling and surviving now im slowly starting to stand back up and walk again. I started putting in place what i needed to function in my everyday life. I got on antidepressant and i got involved with a psychiatrist and told her what my life is like but then told her my main purpose for being here us not to focus on my Husbands PA but to ficus on becoming a better stronger me. To learn skills to stop hus abuse in its tracks so i dont have to carry that burden around. Thats his toxic world.... NOT MINE! i asked her to help me learn to be more independent outside of my husband. Not to need him to get my self worth or happiness from. Im learning.. im stronger than i thought and he has noticed a change in me. I am a wife that has choosen to stay in a marriage to a man who hasent fully repent yet... and im not sure he ever will. He just might be a PA for life. However in the mean time im growing changing getting stronger and more secure within myself and I get my love and support from God. My mother.. a few friends and all you guys on here. I feel this is whats best for now BUT.. if he never chooses to get well. If I've done what im supposed to do to save our marriage and done what Gods has set for what he expects from a wife and my husband still stays an abusi Thank you so much. I think I need to come to this point and just accept it. I also need to let go and give it to God. I'm still always being the porn police and driving myself crazy. I think I need to accept my situation for what it is. I need to allow myself to grieve and begin healing.
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Post by ladystrong on Jul 28, 2017 16:43:58 GMT -7
enewhope.org/videobeta/index.php?videoid=u9sb28dZws0This made me think of you. I used to attend New Hope when I lived in HI (grew up there) and this was the pastor who prayed over me when I finally received Christ. Powerful affirming words from him that also challenges me to change my thought life. I hope this video helps
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2017 7:03:39 GMT -7
enewhope.org/videobeta/index.php?videoid=u9sb28dZws0This made me think of you. I used to attend New Hope when I lived in HI (grew up there) and this was the pastor who prayed over me when I finally received Christ. Powerful affirming words from him that also challenges me to change my thought life. I hope this video helps I enjoyed this so much!! I'm going to watch it again. He spoke about memorizing scripture to create a new channel in your brain. I really want to start trying this. This video really hit home for me. I realize that I have been dealing with a strong hold. I always thought it was just the way that I am. Negative past experiences have become a much deeper issue in my life. I am so thankful for this sermon. Thanks for sharing. It was very helpful and encouraging.
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Post by ladystrong on Jul 29, 2017 7:48:36 GMT -7
I'm so glad it helped! I have 3x5 cards I carry in a little plastic case that is always in my purse. Haven't memorized them all but I pull them out as a reminder when I'm down or "bored". It's so life giving!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2017 13:38:11 GMT -7
I'm so glad it helped! I have 3x5 cards I carry in a little plastic case that is always in my purse. Haven't memorized them all but I pull them out as a reminder when I'm down or "bored". It's so life giving! I just started making my cards today. I am really excited about this idea. It also gives me something I can do for me. Everything is always about my husband and children. It will be nice to have a positive outlet for myself. Thank you again, God bless you!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2017 13:42:53 GMT -7
What verses or scriptures have been the most helpful for you? I'm trying to build a list that I can use in this journey.
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Post by ladystrong on Jul 29, 2017 15:46:00 GMT -7
I mostly go to the Psalms. I'll take a look tonight and write out specific ones
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Post by ladystrong on Jul 29, 2017 21:39:25 GMT -7
Ok, here are a few of my favorites: Psalm 27:13-14 Psalm 1:3 Isaiah 61:3 Isaiah 61:7 Isaiah 40:31 Proverbs 3:5-6 Isaiah 43:2 Psalm 34:18 Psalm 16:2 Psalm 126:6 Romans 8:28 Genesis 50:20 II Timothy 1:7 Psalm 113:7-8 Psalm 5:11 Psalm 5:12 Romans 12:2 II Corinthians 10:5 Numbers 6:24-26 Ephesians 6:10-11 I Peter 4:12-13 Psalm 91:1-2 I John 4:4 John 16:33 John 14:27 Hosea 6:1 Isaiah 55:9 Ecclesiastes 3:3-4
I would write down verses as they came to me through daily devotional times or just remembering them way back in college. The mix of feelings I had early on were all over the place, that's why I could really relate to David's Psalms, where he'd start off in despair at times, and then end in rejoicing. If you make it personal, it will mean so much more to you. I'm actually still all over the place but more stable now than before. I also heard a lot of verses through songs, which helped to solidify them in my mind. I can't always remember exactly where they are in the bible but I know they are true. I pray that this would be an awesome time of change for you!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2017 6:50:39 GMT -7
Ok, here are a few of my favorites: Psalm 27:13-14 Psalm 1:3 Isaiah 61:3 Isaiah 61:7 Isaiah 40:31 Proverbs 3:5-6 Isaiah 43:2 Psalm 34:18 Psalm 16:2 Psalm 126:6 Romans 8:28 Genesis 50:20 II Timothy 1:7 Psalm 113:7-8 Psalm 5:11 Psalm 5:12 Romans 12:2 II Corinthians 10:5 Numbers 6:24-26 Ephesians 6:10-11 I Peter 4:12-13 Psalm 91:1-2 I John 4:4 John 16:33 John 14:27 Hosea 6:1 Isaiah 55:9 Ecclesiastes 3:3-4 I would write down verses as they came to me through daily devotional times or just remembering them way back in college. The mix of feelings I had early on were all over the place, that's why I could really relate to David's Psalms, where he'd start off in despair at times, and then end in rejoicing. If you make it personal, it will mean so much more to you. I'm actually still all over the place but more stable now than before. I also heard a lot of verses through songs, which helped to solidify them in my mind. I can't always remember exactly where they are in the bible but I know they are true. I pray that this would be an awesome time of change for you! Thank you so much,this is such a blessing. I'm amazed at how God will use various things to give us what we need. That video was so life giving for me. It spoke directly to the place I had been stuck in for years. I know this is the Lord at work. Thank you for being a servant of God. You are making a difference in the life of another. Thank you for the verses and advice. I appreciate your time and effort in doing this.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2017 8:39:49 GMT -7
Starting to panic.my mother-in-law is now staying with us. To protect our family we do not have WiFi in our home. The first thing she asked was what is the WiFi password. My husband told her we don't have WiFi because I didn't want it. Now she just told me she has signed up for WiFi that can be used for up to 10 devices. I am freaking out. My husband is at work and I don't know what to do. I guess he does not want her to know why we really don't have WiFi. I think when he gets home he will have to explain it to her. She has an eBay business so she needs internet access. I often get WiFi to go that I only get on 1 device and pay for a week or day at a time as needed. I told her about this but she wants video streaming also. I tried to say in a nice way, no you don't have to do that. I told her we don't need it. She is not getting the hint. I spoke with her about his porn use in the past. All she had to say was," at least he was not with an actual woman. My husband cheated on me but I did not care, he was paying my bills and coming home to me." This is just crazy.
the only internet is on my personal phone. The first thing she said today was," that way my son and everyone can use it." I also think she may have given him a smart phone. He has not had one for two years now. I saw one in the car. He said it was his mom's other phone. I tried to turn it on but it was dead. I asked her if he gave her the phone back and she said yes. I know she is the type that would lie for her child. I had a great walk with the Lord this morning. I felt so good after. Now I'm in panic mode.
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Post by ladystrong on Jul 31, 2017 10:48:49 GMT -7
Start praying, take it to the Lord. If you have any verses written out, start saying them out loud and declare them as truth. He will help you to stay calm.
Your husband will have to tell his mother the reason behind not having WiFi. Its not ok that she just went over your head to order it either. Somehow your husband is going to need to stand up to her, too. It might take him awhile to get it though. It took my husband a good three years to get that my MIL has a problem with treating her in laws like junk. My MIL had the same attitude about porn, which showed me just how little she had value for herself. My mom had a similar attitude as well. I think back then, they just accepted that all men did it and couldn't help themselves.
You might want to set ground rules with your husband about what your MIL is allowed to do in your home so that you're both on the same page.
I'm praying for you. Remember, God is greater than this and He's fighting for you and your family. Psalm 121:1-8
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2017 13:51:26 GMT -7
I agree with lady ... he needs to stop her... Boy this is not good. I pray he will stand up to his mom....
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