KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
|
Post by KevinesKay on May 22, 2017 13:53:41 GMT -7
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
|
|
KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
|
Post by KevinesKay on May 22, 2017 13:59:41 GMT -7
An elderly couple are in church. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, "I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?" The husband replies, "First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!"
|
|
KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
|
Post by KevinesKay on May 22, 2017 14:14:11 GMT -7
Dad: "Can I see your report card, son?" Son: "I don't have it." Dad: "Why?" Son: "I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his parents.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 22, 2017 21:26:55 GMT -7
Great idea Kevin!
This one is for the parents!
|
|
KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
|
Post by KevinesKay on May 31, 2017 13:47:21 GMT -7
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to The Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 β These men have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 β These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. βThatβs nice,β she thinks, βbut I want more.β So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 β These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. βWow,β she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 β These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. βOh, mercy me!β she exclaims, βI can hardly stand it!β Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 β These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 β You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at The Husband Store.
To avoid gender bias charges, the storeβs owner opened The Wife Store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The third, fourth, fifth, and sixth floors have never been visited.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2017 19:20:04 GMT -7
What do you call a cow with no legs?....ground beef!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2017 17:23:54 GMT -7
One day in the Garden of Eden, God told Adam, "I shall create a WOMAN for you".
"Forgive me, Lord," says Adam, "but what is a WOMAN?"
"This WOMAN will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you," Replies the heavenly voice.
"That sounds just perfect! What do I have to do to get this woman??" Adam asked.
God says, "It's gonna cost you an arm and a leg."
Adam ponders...... "Hmmm"..... "What can I get for a rib?"
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2017 17:37:04 GMT -7
Amy, this guy Tim Hawkins is hilarious! Thanks for sharing that clip up there. I have been laughing for like 20 minutes now- Thanks for that! Tim Hawkins - Things You Don't Say To Your Wife: www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpFD-kgQxnI
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2017 17:59:28 GMT -7
I have a few more Christian comedians I follow on YouTube. I will post some more clips when I get time. Tim is very funny and i love that it is clean comedy.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2017 18:05:56 GMT -7
I started with your original song posting and let youtube just go ahead with it's autoplay, and I keep busting out laughing at random times listening to him sing, he has some pretty hilarious lyrics!
I've actually had him on this whole time, I am not ready to turn him off yet - It's been such a great way to finish of my day! Thanks for the laughs, Amy !!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2017 18:45:25 GMT -7
Here is another Christian comedian.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2017 18:52:09 GMT -7
This guy is a classic!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2017 19:22:50 GMT -7
Michael Jr - How God Uses Our Hurts and Failures
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2017 20:33:36 GMT -7
Oh Michael Jr. is another great comedian! You got to him before I had a chance to post him!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2017 3:20:52 GMT -7
This is the first time I see him. I like how he talks about how he's been practicing since he was 7 because because God takes your "flaws" and turn them into gifts. I also really liked the Moses prison joke.
|
|