Post by Deleted on May 3, 2017 22:04:36 GMT -7
Akdf2014 - prayers.... and courage and wisdom for you. I encourage you to read this.... it might be confusing at first .... Right now you are under the time pressure condition, a time frame has been set for you to get married.
It is risky for you to call off the engagement - and as humans we are far more likely to make risky decisions when we were feeling happy.
It's not risky for you to go forward to get married because you know what your in for ( it's now familiar to you ) .... we far less likely to make risky decisions when we are primed to feel sad.
So what this means to me in my life is that if I am happy I am more likely to take a risk and break away from unhealthy / harmful / hurtful people and situations.
If I am conditioned to be sad then I am less likely to risk anything being different or unfamiliar. Like leaving my husband.
So there is always the option that you not get married under this time pressure condition. It's ok to tell him you want to take your time and let him know after you take as much time as you want for yourself. It would be totally acceptable for you to work only on your own happiness for the next full year and then make a firm marriage decision after you come to a total place of true happiness within yourself. If you still feel strongly about having a life long commitment to this man then at least you made the decision from a happy free place without any time frames or from a place of sadness. Because right now you are sad. You are already struggling and filled with pain. It makes it impossible to make huge lifetime decisions for ourselves coming from that place. Just give yourself the permission to slow down and take time to find happiness for you within yourself without him or any other man. Take a break from him and refrain from dating others too. We have to be happy with ourselves before we can give to others. Taking a break from one another to make sure is ok .... lots and lots of couples take breaks to make sure they still feel the same about one another. If you still want to marry him after you work on your own happiness for a year then at least you made the choice from a happy place and not a hurt sad painful place. God came to my rescue and won the war for me with Satan when He revealed to me to focus only on my happiness within my heart according to Him and the blessings He wants for me. I saw that all that I had been doing was exsisting in the problem. So as I find my own happiness in healthy ways I am then so much better to make level decisions concerning my life and what is best for me. I understand now why I married the man I did. On some unconscious level I had a familiar feeling of pain and struggle with him. Considering my background .... This was safe
It was not until I started my own path of recovery that I started being happy in my heart again in a deeper way that I became willing to take a risk and lay down his choices and became willing to leave if porn was his choice. I did not want any control over his choice. He made his own choice to begin recovery for himself and I continue to focus on my happiness so I can stay level to make healthy decisions for myself always whatever they may be. My plea to you is to take your time and develop happiness for yourself with God. Then make a decision about marrying this person. I thought I was happy before I married my husband and I was on the outside except inside I was sad due to some unresolved grief so it was not until I worked on that that I was able to become truly happy and see things from a new light.
It is risky for you to call off the engagement - and as humans we are far more likely to make risky decisions when we were feeling happy.
It's not risky for you to go forward to get married because you know what your in for ( it's now familiar to you ) .... we far less likely to make risky decisions when we are primed to feel sad.
So what this means to me in my life is that if I am happy I am more likely to take a risk and break away from unhealthy / harmful / hurtful people and situations.
If I am conditioned to be sad then I am less likely to risk anything being different or unfamiliar. Like leaving my husband.
So there is always the option that you not get married under this time pressure condition. It's ok to tell him you want to take your time and let him know after you take as much time as you want for yourself. It would be totally acceptable for you to work only on your own happiness for the next full year and then make a firm marriage decision after you come to a total place of true happiness within yourself. If you still feel strongly about having a life long commitment to this man then at least you made the decision from a happy free place without any time frames or from a place of sadness. Because right now you are sad. You are already struggling and filled with pain. It makes it impossible to make huge lifetime decisions for ourselves coming from that place. Just give yourself the permission to slow down and take time to find happiness for you within yourself without him or any other man. Take a break from him and refrain from dating others too. We have to be happy with ourselves before we can give to others. Taking a break from one another to make sure is ok .... lots and lots of couples take breaks to make sure they still feel the same about one another. If you still want to marry him after you work on your own happiness for a year then at least you made the choice from a happy place and not a hurt sad painful place. God came to my rescue and won the war for me with Satan when He revealed to me to focus only on my happiness within my heart according to Him and the blessings He wants for me. I saw that all that I had been doing was exsisting in the problem. So as I find my own happiness in healthy ways I am then so much better to make level decisions concerning my life and what is best for me. I understand now why I married the man I did. On some unconscious level I had a familiar feeling of pain and struggle with him. Considering my background .... This was safe
It was not until I started my own path of recovery that I started being happy in my heart again in a deeper way that I became willing to take a risk and lay down his choices and became willing to leave if porn was his choice. I did not want any control over his choice. He made his own choice to begin recovery for himself and I continue to focus on my happiness so I can stay level to make healthy decisions for myself always whatever they may be. My plea to you is to take your time and develop happiness for yourself with God. Then make a decision about marrying this person. I thought I was happy before I married my husband and I was on the outside except inside I was sad due to some unresolved grief so it was not until I worked on that that I was able to become truly happy and see things from a new light.