My fiance porn addiction

I completely agree with everything that Amy said. Thanks Amy. When I read this, I honestly didn't know where to begin with this. There are so many things wrong on so many different levels here.

Akdf2014, please heed Amy's warning. I don't want to see anything bad happen to you. And what you're getting yourself into sounds really dangerous.

I hope we get to see your presence again on BG. There's a lot of support here. Keep coming back. You can get through this.

Dear friend,
I agree with what Amy and Kevin have said. You are letting the devil into your house just by talking to your fiancé. Do you want the devil to be in your house for the rest of your life? James 4:7 says to "resist the devil and he will flee from you." Do not let him into your mind or heart through your fiancé. The devil will continue to deceive you if you let him.
I can see that you are desperate for love and to be loved but your fears and desires are blinding you. You already know what is right and wrong but are making excuses to get what you "think" you want. If you choose to marry him, you welcome in a world of pain for MANY YEARS. What you described in your post is the work of a SEX SLAVE. Do you want to be a sex slave?
Freedom from porn and lust takes a total commitment to change. It takes action and continued surrender to the Lord. Your fiancé has not repented and you can't convict him to do so. Your fiancé needs more help than you can ever give to him. He needs to confess these thoughts to a BROTHER in the Lord. It's wrong for him to talk to you about these things in graphic detail. Run while you can!
Have you ever thought that there might be someone better? Someone who is totally sold out to Jesus? You are worth more than gold to your Heavenly Father and He doesn't want you to be tossed to the side to be used and abused by some guy who just wants his lust fix from you. You are a daughter of THE KING. A daughter of the King should be treated like royalty. It does not sound like your fiancé has any desire to treat you with dignity and respect.
Yes, your fiancé can change but you've got to let the Lord do that work in him BEFORE even thinking about marriage. And it has to be with the help of other people besides yourself.
Much love,
Ladystrong

Tee I usually give the benefit of the doubt to new members. This member has actually private messaged me a couple of times. I believe her story.

Akdf2014 - what you wrote as being your experience has deeply saddened me. I hope you very seriously keep an open mind when you read the replies to your current situation with your fiancé. This maybe your "normal" however what is happening is a very unhealthy way of behavior. Please know that I am very sincere as I write these words to you..... I am not a counselor or priest nor do I hold high education degrees..... I will speak from my heart .... I am not coming from a place of judgement .... only love... in my experience of my marriage. I discovered that my fiance' ( at that time ) was using porn.
I too was blind. I was actually in denial. I told myself that since I am a Chirstain and since my fiancé had also turned his life over to Christ that it ( the porn ) would go away. And that he would see the light and marriage would be a cure .... It actually got worse. I found out that it was a lot worse than I ever could imagine. I found out It's not even called porn addiction now in 2017.... it's named sex addiction because it incompasses so much more. Porn is usually just the tip of the iceberg. What happened with us is that my husband got sicker and sicker and I for many numerous years I fought an all out war with Satan. I had started out with my husband being who I am at my core.... bright joyful full of energy and happy and competent and over the years my husband's play with Satan in our home stole from me joy happiness energy good health and peace of mind. ( looking back I actually gave those things away willingingly for the sake of my husband's happiness in his addiction )
Of course God was my leader and .... I fought a spiritual war like I never fought before. At times I felt like I was dying and Satan attacked my mind and left nothing of me but a crumb. However I kept going. It was a 15 year battle. Over that 15 years I became stronger and learned how to fight well. Meantime my husband became cold, distant and intimate anorexia (the total inability to have connections at all period with not only me but also our children and grandchildren) I began to build a wall of support around me after almost going down for the last time in this war.... i kicked Satan out for good! I won! God won! Satan did not take me down! God had carried me .... 15 years of fighting had taken its toll..... I got a counselor for myself, I got a pastors wife I read books and began opening up my secrets to friends and a couple family members ....I finally gave him a choice me or sex addiction. My husband had both for years and so then was the time to choose which one. I was prepared to leave. I was floored when my husband chose me. I then laid out what he had to do. Again I was floored that he did everything I laid out. He carried my husband to a place where my husband could for the first time in his life "see" the past destruction and devastation. Since then my husband has had a desire to practice becoming spiritually fit. He is committed to working his program of recovery and putting it first. I myself had become very spiritually strong however I had been all consumed in the battle that my life had gone by the wayside. This is where I am at now.... learning how to actually live again ..... I am trying new things as far as recovery tools and building my self back up only better than ever - actually God us building me back up except I do all the footwork
I am learning on a deeper level that I am respindsable for my choices no matter what my husband chooses to do. I am looking for solutions and doing all I can to focus on solutions and not the problems. I am sharing my story with you in hopes that you might see that this is serious warfare. No one can tell you what's right for you to choose. However you need to be educated that you might be in for a horrible exsistance possibly for the rest of your life. The way I understand God ( my own personal understanding ) is that he does NOT always remove ot take away the problem however he does promise us that he will always be there for us through the problem. The way I understand God is that he gives us free choice. Many times we are unable to see that we have a choice ( we are blind ) If you are unable to trust God right now.... try to trust that all of us here are truly concerned for your well being. You have a choice. It will only get worse nothing will majorly change after marriage .... are you prepared to possibly be at full force war with Satan ( more than we are already even without sex addiction )? For possibly years and years and years? Are you prepared to be starved for love from your husband and to be fearful and sad and worried and are you prepared to be possibly killed by one of these men who your husband wants for you? These things happen.... it's reality.... what happens if a child is born..... are you prepared to possibly watch that child suffer sexual abuse and emotional trauma ? Have you ever considered the truth.... that you yourself are emotionally traumatized ? And have been since this all began? My story is not over.,.. there will be no all of the sudden everything is fine.... it's a work in progress. The way I see it for you nowbis God has given you a HUGE blessing and a HUGE gift by showing you just a small glimmer into what your life will look like with this husband. I say if you are excited about a future where your self esteem is ripped in shreds and you are devalued and treated like an animal / slave then by all means go for it. I just have one question why? Why do you believe that is the best God has for you? You deserve so much more. It's your choice. I only saw a porn magazine before I married when i had my fiancé.... and I lived through a hell I hope to never go back to and I did not experience the things you decribed as far as some of your experiences .... your seeing a glimmer of physical sexual abuse and emotional abuse and I am her to say that is only the tip of the iceberg as far as pain and suffering for you. God is good .... many times we say God is good so he will fix my husband and remove his addiction .... instead of saying hey God is good so he is fixing me by removing me from this addiction now. God is giving you a choice this is a huge opportunity to see things another way ..... think of yourself love yourself ..... concern yourself with yourself. It's ok to care for yourself .... God will amaze you and I feel sure he would soon bless you with a husband who is gentle and loving towards you as he wants him to be. Except even if God did not place a loving husband after you choose to not marry this sexual abuser - you you are still enough for yourself .... trust just trust God take a leap of faith it's your choice. I pray that you choose to trust God and trust others' stories of what deviststion sex addiction has caused others and choose for yourself a better different way of life for yourself.

BTW, It may seem strange to take such firm steps against a man you're thinking of pledging your whole life to, but I've learned that part of being a Godly wife is submitting to God first and my husband second. Recently, my husband thanked me for all I did to stand against this sin. I believe that part of loving my husband was doing what I could to not condone this sin and give it free reign to devour my husband. It was and is my husband's choice to stand against it on his own, but I won't sweep it under the rug. Be prepared for some mind-blowing spiritual abuse (as I've heard it referred to) from your fiance when he says things like "If you loved me, you'd do this. You're supposed to submit to me", etc., etc. Dump that garbage back in his lap with scriptural armor of your own, and remember who you are in Christ.

Hi all,
Thanks so much for your kindness  to share and advise me on my post, truly  it's  scary  and I am really  confused. At the moment  I need your prayers  as much as you can. 
Thanks again.
Dyana