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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2016 14:33:27 GMT -7
Hi Everyone,
I'm new to this forum and in fact, have never even been on a "forum" before so please bear with me.
I've been happily remarried (first marriage of 20 years ended due to infidelity and other issues) to a great guy named James who happens to have a porn addiction. It's heartbreaking and frustrating and I wish I could say I've always handled it like a lady, but I have been volatile, verbally abusive, and all-around horrible during my worst moments as the wife of an addict. I find myself wishing he was an alcoholic or pill addict or gambler...anything but sex addict. I'm not marginalizing what it's like to be married to someone with (or struggling with) one of the other addictions. It's just that the idea of my husband needing to look at other women feels like it must hurt worse than if he was excessively gambling. Either way is bad, I know.
It all started when I found things on his laptop when we were dating. He confessed after a little bit of denial. He ended up flying to an Every Man's Battle conference and came back a changed man! Or so I thought. A year or two later, he got caught again with things on his computer and again went to an Every Man's Battle conference. Things have been put in place, but then I get lax. I trust again too easily and the latest is that he's been using my kindle to look at weird, inappropriate stuff on Twitter, which I didn't even know people had "those" kinds of accounts on there! I'm not all that tech savvy.
Anyway, it was 2 days ago that he was caught. Said he was looking things up fairly regularly for the past month behind my back. So he's going to start attending SA meetings and is doing the Nofap thing starting today. No sex, masturbation, or porn for 90 days. These men don't realize what they do to the rest of us, do they? They can cry their crocodile tears but the truth is selfishness is the root of the addiction. They're upset when they get caught and they promise the world to keep their life in place. But soon enough, many of them fall back into the addiction.
I could use a friend, so if anyone else wants to talk, I'm here.
Thanks.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2016 19:35:43 GMT -7
Hi JW. Welcome to BG. I am sorry you are dealing with this issue and unfortunately it is a common issue among most men and on the rise among women. Sexual immorality is idolized in our culture.
I am sorry but this post is going to be short. I am sick with a stomach bug but I wanted to say hello and let you know that I am here for you and will be praying for you and your husband.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2016 20:55:30 GMT -7
Welcome, Jayswife! So glad that you found us, but sorry that you had to. I am the Queen of not handling my husband's PA so gracefully ... I have said words that I did not know that I knew, I have cried enough tears to saturate the sand in the desert, and I am so ashamed to say that for the first time in my life, I think I am close to hating a person. Oh, I hate snakes and spinach, but never have I felt hate in my heart towards another human being and I do not like it.
You say that you would rather your husband have a gambling or drug addiction, I have often times wished that my husband was a wife beater. At least then I could fight back. I have no weapons for his porn addiction. He hears not a word that I hear. His heart has turned to coal.
My husband refuses to admit that he has a problem. Still, he calls it "watching a movie or two". Trust me when I say that it was not once or twice.
I believe that my husband has NO remorse over the addiction, only remorse that I found out. He is still to apologize. His comments are always that I need to get over it ... maybe if he would quit doing it, I would get over it.
I am here for you ... if you need to talk, I will listen. You have a friend!
Hang in there.
Grace
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Post by Deleted on Mar 26, 2021 22:31:16 GMT -7
Hi Everyone, I'm new to this forum and in fact, have never even been on a "forum" before so please bear with me. I've been happily remarried (first marriage of 20 years ended due to infidelity and other issues) to a great guy named James who happens to have a porn addiction. It's heartbreaking and frustrating and I wish I could say I've always handled it like a lady, but I have been volatile, verbally abusive, and all-around horrible during my worst moments as the wife of an addict. I find myself wishing he was an alcoholic or pill addict or gambler...anything but sex addict. I'm not marginalizing what it's like to be married to someone with (or struggling with) one of the other addictions. It's just that the idea of my husband needing to look at other women feels like it must hurt worse than if he was excessively gambling. Either way is bad, I know. It all started when I found things on his laptop when we were dating. He confessed after a little bit of denial. He ended up flying to an Every Man's Battle conference and came back a changed man! Or so I thought. A year or two later, he got caught again with things on his computer and again went to an Every Man's Battle conference. Things have been put in place, but then I get lax. I trust again too easily and the latest is that he's been using my kindle to look at weird, inappropriate stuff on Twitter, which I didn't even know people had "those" kinds of accounts on there! I'm not all that tech savvy. Anyway, it was 2 days ago that he was caught. Said he was looking things up fairly regularly for the past month behind my back. So he's going to start attending SA meetings and is doing the Nofap thing starting today. No sex, masturbation, or porn for 90 days. These men don't realize what they do to the rest of us, do they? They can cry their crocodile tears but the truth is selfishness is the root of the addiction. They're upset when they get caught and they promise the world to keep their life in place. But soon enough, many of them fall back into the addiction. I could use a friend, so if anyone else wants to talk, I'm here. Thanks.
What this person says is true, I wanted to highlight what I find the truth.
In Romans 1, it says we worshipped and served the creature rather than the Creator. All pagan, false religions, and even me, when I bow down to me (my own body, their body) and worship my p.nis or their body...I am worshipping a 'god', and even though I "claim" to be a "Christian" by very actions....I am worshipping me and who I am apart from Christ? a devil, it's demon worship, it's Satanism at it's core. The Satanic Bible says "Do what thou wilt" which is what I do when I look at at porn video.
It's not mere naked people doing abominaion acts, it's Satanic ritual orgy, it's worship of demons, it's worship of the snake / penis, it's worship of self.
Satan was kicked out of heaven due to his pride, his "I will...." statements.
When I look at porn, it's saying "I will look at that, I will touch my body, I will fantasize, I will keep looking, I will keep feeding my soul, I will get what I want, I will masturbate, I will see that prostitute.
I will I will
I will
We are insane and obsessed with our body, our body parts, and their body parts, as if that were a god.
Tear our hearts now and confess it now,
Say to God, "Lord, I am playing god, I am doing this to worship me, I reject me, I want You Lord Jesus, You are God, not me"
Another part I like what the person said here was...
This is always the case when I was acting out.
Sure I had a good sexual relationship with my wife, but after she forgave me, I would feel "saved" and "like a good Christian" because after all, I was only having sex with my wife....it was like I was in a form of my own self-righteousness, then i was stop reading my Bible seriously, I would spend time on games, video games, and I got (lax), actually, I was already back-slidding, so the porn and masturbation was inevitable.
Jesus said, "we must deny ourselves, carry our cross and follow Me"
How so I "deny" myself?
"I am not God, I am not going to follow whatever sick thoughts and sick desires I have, I have trusted in Jesus Christ and now consider this old man as "dead" (Romans 6) and I submit to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. Jesus is Lord of my body, I am not going to take my body and unite it with a prostitute. I promised to God, I would follow Him and Love God, I promised my wife that I would love her, not love and lust after any other, I gave my heart and soul to Jesus Christ, I am not my own but I was bought with a price, and I renouce all my self, pride, sins, I hate it. In the name of Jesus, and when this flesh, sick old nasty, dead, self, wants to feed it's sick desires, I will say "NO" because God's grace teaches me to deny worldly passions (Titus 2:11-14).
I give up the right to sin, because I have no right to sin.
On that day, when Jesus will say to those who called Jesus "Lord, Lord"....Jesus will say "Depart from Me, you workers of iniquity" (lawlessness) unauthorized.
You and I are not "authorized" to sin.
when someone at work tries to make you 'bend or break the rules'...what do we say "I'm sorry, that is not authorized"
Bam, back at Satan, self and the demons. "Get out in the name of Jesus Christ, I am not authorized to sin, I am a child of God, bought and paid for and I renounce this sin of lust, this spirit of adultery that is trying to come to me and break me and make me fall and hurt my wife, I hate it and renounce it in the name of Jesus Christ.
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