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Post by Deleted on Aug 19, 2016 14:57:35 GMT -7
My husband and I got married 1 year ago last week. I was over the moon. We have been together for 6 years. Lived together for 2.5 years. Our whole relationship we struggled with sex as he said he just wasn't that into it and I tried all sorts. Nice underwear, a box of ann summers bits n pieces, a book on sex in marriage, all sorts. I cried to him every few months telling him I was comprising for him and he wouldn't budge for me, what was wrong with me, was the way I looked, all sorts of questions. Hubby always saying it's just not me. We probably had sex 10 times in the 6 years. I said even just sometimes can you try. When we did have sex it's the best I've ever had. So intimate and close and intense, amazing. I really truly loved this man, we were like two peas in a pod. Then in April, my whole world crashing down. I found his phone bills to be excessively high, he denied, I Googled and found it to be adult sky channel sex line numbers, to my absolute horror. Was this all you have done, yes he said I asked him how often he said 3/4 times a week. I asked how often did he get the urge, he said all the time. To my horror, who is this man. It took me a while but I stood by him trying to resolve this. Eventually thought we were doing a big better. Last week I asked to use his phone as mine was dead. Just for peace of mind i did a snoop. Only to find naked pictures and chat trails..to woman he has been chatting to on twitter and porn sites and live sex videos on twitter, all sorts. In a crazy rage he still denied it. I know he's still lying cos what he says doesn't make sense. He's addicted to all of this and has been since 15. He's 38 now and we were going to start a family. As if it couldn't get any worse, we found out on monday that he's infertile. Im now living at my parents to get space. I don't know what to do. Nothing in my head makes sense! I feel so devastated. My 4gusband has admitted hes a porn addict. Help please. 😭😭
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Post by Deleted on Aug 19, 2016 15:14:28 GMT -7
Hi married. Your story is heartbreaking. I am so sorry for this horrible situation you are in. Are you and your husband believers and do you have any support? There are many wonderful encouraging ladies here that know your story all too well that can walk you through this. Sounds like your hubby is nowhere near being honest or seeking help so do all you can to take care of yourself. I will be praying for you.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 21, 2016 16:02:38 GMT -7
Hello, First off, I'm sorry you are going through this. It's so difficult. My advice to you is to ask your husband to read "Every mans battle" and for you to read "Every heart restored" When my husband came to me confessing his addiction to Internet porn and masterbation for 13 years of our relationship (his habit started long before he met me, but I didn't know about it) it crushed me. I felt the same devastation but the only thing that kept me here and able to work through it was that HE CAME TO ME and never realized what he was doing was sinning and addictive. Since his confession to me he has be attentive and loving and remorsefull. Your husband needs to see that what he is doing is wrong, not just with you telling him. He needs to see that it hurts you, not just seeing your cry. He needs to see the disfunction and needs to stop all of that behavior and choose you. If he can't do that, he isn't ready to be with you. Maybe God isn't allowing you two to have children because of his sinning. Just something to think about. This habit of his isn't about you, has nothing to do with you doing anything wrong etc. It's a habit he had before he knew you exsisted. That's important to understand.
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Post by Ɖσмιиιc on Jan 14, 2022 22:06:45 GMT -7
Hello, I'm really sad to read this story. Although, some parts sound common to our struggle (I'm a guy who is recovering from a sex stronghold/fortress/addiction), there is help out there. He has to realize this sin will be the end of everything. His sanity, his money, his health, his relationship with Jesus Christ, his marriage, his feelings, his spirit and soul are all dying - for what? - just a pleasure, for God calls our sins abominations. He has to realize this. Sin is an idol of the heart. Everytime a guy is looking and wanting to be with other women, this is adultery, God is not going to let us continue on like this because He loves us too much. He will bring disciplines, sickness, all to get our attention. The addiction is able to be reverse with confess and forsaking sins. He will have to cry out to God for a new heart, or else, there is no hope for him. We will find God if we seek for God for all of our heart. There are many wives suffering and it's all our faults. The wives think "I'm not pretty or it's me" but it's not true. Satan is using the husband's sin to further destroy the sanity in the hurting wives in order to lead her to despair, insanity, and ultimately, suicide. That is Satan's plan. Do not listen to it. It doesn't matter if you are a 10 out of 10 super model, queen of some country, always smelling like roses and sweets, he will cheat on you, with the next immoral women (porn) and he's cheat on you with the next and the next, because that is now dark and sin is. It's so impossible to explain. To be enslaved to an idol means your heart, mind, and soul are bound to this thing (in this case, pleasure of immoral sex with other idolaters and adulters - aka children of Satan). This is a real spiritual bondage. When God told Saul to destroy all the things of the other pagan nations, Saul did not and try to justify and keep things alive. The prophet has to kill that pagan king that Saul should have killed.
What I'm saying is - we guys/addicts need to be violent with our sins. God is able to make us do that.
when we stand before the ultimate and mighy Lord Jesus, He will tell many "I never knew you" I'm talking about us men/addicts who profess to be Christians but live a lie and hypocrital life.
God does love us, even and wants us to accept the sacrifice He did for us. God wants us to see how great God is. How great Jesus is. But the addict believes a lie, this is the lie
"I'm too far gone for God to save me"
No, that is not true, but the addict believes it to be true. So this feeds into his addiction for more and more sex, the grosses kinds, until he is on TV and FBI raid the home or someone else kill that person, thinking 'i'm doing God and humans a service'
that is the end, the hell of fire is forever and is where we are all going unless we repent. He needs to see himself hanging off the cliff and just about to break off and fall into the hell fire, and feel the real danger for his life and soul, and also the life of hurting you and losing you. His wife.
This is our state unless God comes in and radically saves us and changes us.
Doing all the rules like "putting software on the phone" and all of this will not help much, because the heart is not truly converted. I know I used to break my wifi router and bought another one, break that one too, break mobile phones, etc. That will not help and only gets the addict detoxed for one day or two, until he feels tempted again to buy it (the device) again, then it starts all over again.
To run into the desert (figuratively speaking) is the best for me. Get away from it all. cry out to God, until God answers, come home, confess to wife, and brothers, and pastor, give all the money and whatever to the wife, and get off the internet, or phones, until sometimes. What to do with this time in the middle? Read the Bible, listen to worship music, read books if you want, but the Bible is the only requirement because that is where we meet God, not from books from others who are only trying to lead us back to the Good Sheppard. I'm not bashing good pastors, teachers, and etc, I'm reading their books, but they will only lead us back to Jesus, which is there we ought to be.
I hope every husband reads this and will agree with me. if not, I'm sorry, I'm only telling what works for me and forgive me if I sound arrogant. I'm very tired of searching for the answer. The answer is Jesus Christ. Being born again. Believing the Gospel. Being One of His. Forsaking all other gods. Loving God first, loving others. Repecting the wife and loving her.
The situation is not hopeless. I was at a time, where I hated my wife, but God turned my hate around to love her again. But when I feel cold, God changes me again. If I reject God, I am left to my own resources and this is just more pain and death.
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