Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2016 16:02:30 GMT -7
After quitting p. and m. you stay with a void, a painful void. If you don't feel the void with God you will come back to the addiction for sure.
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KevinesKay
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Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Feb 10, 2016 18:34:57 GMT -7
Amen brother. That is so true.
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dan's log
Feb 10, 2016 23:32:29 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2016 23:32:29 GMT -7
I remember strange attacks some years ago. After I was clean for 25 - 35 days, there used to come a moment of sudden anormal desire, so intense that I knew I would give up soon or after some time. It was almost irresistible.... I could fight but the pain, the pleasure desire, the void were too intense for me ...the end was mostly the same - binging. I think today the sudden attacks came from devil. I often was afraid one or more nights before. In the middle of such a night a sudden panic woke me and I felt as if a horrific creature was close to me. I don't know if it was my imagination or not but so began my urge periods. The urge so intense that to fight against it was very painful.
I served devil for decades using what he gave me - p. and m. so I became his slave, he possesed power over me and right to tempt me so intense. It was a punishment for me. I think God showed me what consequences are if one serves devil. A just punishment to be given away to the master that I used to serve many hours a day.
Next I'll write how I won one night such an attack so how I found the key to win.
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dan's log
Feb 15, 2016 9:48:48 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2016 9:48:48 GMT -7
I can relate to the strange attacks because of where I am at in this recovery. One thing I've learned is that it is truly a matter of the heart. "If your heart isn't in it you won't win it." That quote I hear so often at CR group and it's true. Being sold out means your heart is wholly in the battle and nothing else matters. Addiction can wreck your life but it doesn't need to control one's life. The cure===it begins with The Mind and is lived out with the Heart. Good luck living it out my friend.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2016 15:57:42 GMT -7
How to win over an urge.
One night, two years ago, I was watching Tv and was feeling that a battle was approaching. My wife with children had gone to her parents and I stayed alone for that whole night and next morning and afternoon. Ideal time to experience the most exciting pleasure for me. I almost always had given up in such conditions... to be continued...
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dan's log
Feb 21, 2016 0:23:05 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2016 0:23:05 GMT -7
Follow-on... as I said in my last entry, two years ago that night about 2 a.m. when I wanted to fall asleep and thought that I succeeded, I decided to see what it is on all the programms.Suddenly I saw an extract of a so called soft core film. In a second I got extremely excited so that I hardly managed to swich on next channel.This bwas after a month's sobriety period. My flesh and mind were on fire, all I desired was to come back and to continue seeing the film and then to act out.My will to stay sober was crushed in few seconds. It would have been painful for me to try falling asleep. All my need was to watch and act out. If I imagined the battle not to give up I started to feel enormous void and dissatisfaction.The power of desire made me to switch on the film again and it was a relief for me but knowing that it would be a grave sin I managed to leave the channel again.I knew that it was only a matter of time to give up. Extreme pleasure or pain and void - which would you choose? I thought only God could help me, nothing and nobody else. I decided to try what advice I had read - prayer at the time of temptation. I began to pray with only a little faith. I begged God to rescue me, to extinquish my desire, to give me peace, to throw away the devil, to throw away the filthy thoughts, to give me the effective will not to act out... I asked for faith too because I felt my faith was hard attacked too... I took the Scriptures and found a Psalm where David was in great danger and begged God for rescue. The words of this psalm became my words of prayer..... now I begged God as if I was David then. All that time I tried to pray honestly, trying to beeing aware that Jesus is present, that He is listening my each word,..... After 5-7 minutes I began to feel that my desire weakens, an inner peace was comming over me.. All the urge was going away....the peace was entering me... After 15 minutes of that prayer I was saved, no desire, no urge. ...peace feeling, joy... the battle was won in me by Jesus...the only my contribution was to begin to honestly pray, even with little faith which was strengthened during the prayer too... I lay down on the floor and started to thank God for His grace, for His love, for His salvation given to me in that prayer.... Then I chose a psalm where David thanked and glorified God. Those words became my words of prayer.... I felt so light, my enemy was crushed, I was joyful, filled in peace and healed I went to sleep. I felt a light temptation too but it was a usual temptation which every man has because it's drive.
You know all I did was to do what Jesus advised - ,,watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation,,
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dan's log
Feb 21, 2016 6:07:17 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2016 6:07:17 GMT -7
After quitting p. and m. you stay with a void, a painful void. If you don't feel the void with God you will come back to the addiction for sure. I was reading another posting this morning and one member (Ridat) said the exact same thing. We men like to fill whatever void there may be with stuff. Often it is the stuff we fill our lives with that gets us in trouble I was thinking last night just how "simple" getting over this addiction "should" be. All we have to do is DENY our desires right? Sounds easy enough until you actually try it. It is WAY HARDER than I could have ever imagined. I must take stand and continue to deny myself every hour of every day all the time. Incredible challenging task.
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dan's log
Feb 21, 2016 6:10:02 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2016 6:10:02 GMT -7
The psalms are wonderful prayers that cover just about every area of ones life.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2016 5:13:06 GMT -7
Hi Jonathan,
,, All we have to do is DENY our desires right?,,
I would say - no. It's not possible to deny one own's desire. It's beyond our control, beyond control of our will, especially if we are addicts. Only one person has control over our will, mind and all desires. it's our Maker. All we can do (and it's enough) is to ask our Maker to extinguish our desire, to strengthen our will, to give us a new mindset.... He can all this because He's our Producent, Maker..... He knows His product and how it works in detail. The only thing to win this war is to pray with faith and to pray for faith exactly when we are tempted, weak, loosing faith....
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Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2016 5:00:48 GMT -7
Dan, Just wanted to see how things are going and if there is anything you might need? Please let us know. We haven't seen you as active as before.
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dan's log
Feb 27, 2016 13:41:41 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2016 13:41:41 GMT -7
Thanks Jonathan for your concern,
I walk with God so it's all right. If I experience anything difficult in my life I try to look for God's help and it always works.I'm not so active because I've got marital life, 3 children, house chores, some other duties ...
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Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2016 14:05:16 GMT -7
I can understand how married life can be full. It reminds ome of what the Apostle Paul said about marriage is about meeting the needs of each other and how that is a full time job. I'm glad things are going well and that from time to time you give us a quick note. Thanks Dan.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 28, 2016 0:26:27 GMT -7
What is heaven? Heaven is Jesus. If you commune with Jesus (I mean - prayer, listening to what He says in the Bible, being aware of His presens..) then all in you will be heavenly. Joy, peace and relief. You will grow in love.
Outside of Jesus is hell. The pain of being separated, everlasting hunger, concern, fear and pain. I always feel so when I forget about God, cease to pray, think only about myself, my plans, my memories, my, me, myself, my, me myself... It's hell already here on the earth.1
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dan's log
Mar 6, 2016 0:02:17 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2016 0:02:17 GMT -7
Every second of your life is given to you so that you could be filled with Jesus.Most or even everything looses the one who follows the voice of selfishness and navel-gazing. Most gains the one who gives Jesus everything including themselves.2
How is it true with my addicted life.All my P and M addiction consisted in gazing at myself, my feelings, pleasure experiences, contemplating my thoughts, pains....and I lost almoat everything. I remember a period of half a year when my only aim was P and M, this was my god. As a result I wasn't even washing myself. I stank, my room too - the stench of filth mixed with semen... Like a junkie.... The way out is to start gazing at God, contemplating His real presence, His Words. The way of remaining sober is the same.if you do so God gives birth to love in you.
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dan's log
Mar 19, 2016 23:09:50 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2016 23:09:50 GMT -7
. Jesus would like to reveal His presence through our weakness His presens in us and in the world - His goodness, mercy and power. And above all, the glory of the God King and Lord of all creation.
Do not be worried about external difficulties, or your spiritual poverty. let them just bring you closer to Lord. He did not create you perfect, nor deprived you from toil and suffering so that you could be self-sufficient, but still in need of His support and love. 3
That's why we still and still experience weakness in this and other addictions. We can use our addiction and all the suffering in our life to get closer to Lord. How to do this? - through prayer, through honest inner talk to God. In this talk there will be happening miracles. You'll be changed, your external situation too. God is the God of impossibility. What is impossible to us, is easy for Him.
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