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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2016 16:44:45 GMT -7
My dad was addicted to pornography all my years of growing up. He was a successful business man and our family looked well put together. Only those inside our walls knew that everything had a sexual connotation to it. I was sick of it. I decided that my choice of husband would not be one like that. That was many years ago and I've continued the pattern. I discovered that a successful business man I was sexually involved with was heavily into all of it and more. I left him and was devastated that I brought that back into my life. All the degradation and comparison to what he viewed. It took years to overcome that and tried to grow in my walk with Lord. I never really overcame it though. The worst of it was probably when we had a "quicky" and he threw my skirt over my face and watched porn on the TV while he had sex with me. Everyone I knew said I was a pretty girl and need to find a "nicer" guy. I didn't feel one bit pretty. I had dreams that I had worms crawling inside of me and they were trying to get out. I then married a man who promised me that this isn't an issue for him but on our honeymoon I caught him peeking inside the door of an adjacent room we were walking by. I lost it! I sobbed and thought my life was over. That was 25 years ago. My heart has been crushed so many times I feel hard to so much. He tries so hard to win me back but I feel like I don't care anymore. He has joined an RU group but I can never feel safe and loving with him. The minute we begin to be playful a switch gets flicked in his mind and his kiss doesn't feel sweet anymore. I want sweetness and safety again.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2016 16:52:56 GMT -7
Counseling? Our pastor isn't comfortable with the topic and says he doesn't have the gift of counseling, nearby pastors refer me back to my local pastor, and my husband says no to secular counseling. Books? Very little has helped. I find few with a Biblical perspective and the ones that do tend to deal more with the husband having affairs and trying to win back the heart of the husband. We are leaders in our church and don't feel comfortable sharing such incriminating personal info. so I've been silenced for so many years but now I see anger and bitterness in our children. I really don't know what to do. I want the cycle to stop. I just heard about this forum. I've never done anything like this or told anyone this much about the situation. Each Valentines Day the kids are excited to see what "cute" cards we give each other and what special heart shaped cake I'll make for him, as I always do. I want to mean it. I want to think I'll miss him when he is gone someday- but that's not how I feel.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2016 6:20:54 GMT -7
How are you doing? There are other wives on here that are in ministry with their husbands. It does put you in a difficult situation. I am sorry your pastor has dropped the ball. So many do because they are afraid for one reason or another to stand in the office they have been given by God.
The thing is that if this sin is kept in the dark and not brought into the light, it will continue to destroy until there is nothing left. You both need to put pride aside and fight for your marriage and family. I am praying for you.
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Post by Ɖσмιиιc on Dec 31, 2021 6:20:39 GMT -7
Counseling? Our pastor isn't comfortable with the topic and says he doesn't have the gift of counseling, nearby pastors refer me back to my local pastor, and my husband says no to secular counseling. Books? Very little has helped. I find few with a Biblical perspective and the ones that do tend to deal more with the husband having affairs and trying to win back the heart of the husband. We are leaders in our church and don't feel comfortable sharing such incriminating personal info. so I've been silenced for so many years but now I see anger and bitterness in our children. I really don't know what to do. I want the cycle to stop. I just heard about this forum. I've never done anything like this or told anyone this much about the situation. Each Valentines Day the kids are excited to see what "cute" cards we give each other and what special heart shaped cake I'll make for him, as I always do. I want to mean it. I want to think I'll miss him when he is gone someday- but that's not how I feel. Hello, do you have any updates on your husband? |
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