Daniela
Member
Posts: 74
Occupation: Lifestyle Counselor
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Post by Daniela on Aug 2, 2016 21:36:19 GMT -7
Today I'm thankful that the Lord has been helping me to remain strong. The other day I was googling about natural remedies for a female problem. There was one website with some pertinent information on this topic, but while I was reading it, I noticed that this was actually a site on sex education! There were several links for videos with masturbation and sex tips. Of course I was tempted to click on one of them, but I made it a point not to do it. I'm so grateful for this victory. Even if it hadn't ended in MO, I would have regretted it.
Nevertheless, this reboot hasn't been an easy walk. Yesterday night, I woke up around 2:30 am and couldn't go back to sleep. I knew that MO would really help me to this end, but I decided to rather stay awake for a few hours. The urges are very real, but I hope it will get better soon...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 3, 2016 16:25:39 GMT -7
Good job Daniela! Keep it up.
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Daniela
Member
Posts: 74
Occupation: Lifestyle Counselor
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Post by Daniela on Oct 3, 2016 10:26:44 GMT -7
Hi there, yes I'm back again - can you believe it? Well, there is a time and a season for everything, and recently, I just didn't feel like writing on this forum. The main reason was probably feelings of guilt and inadequacy, because I have not really managed to stay sober. I figured that this has been the time of the year again (late summer), during which my sexual cravings are at its peak (there is indeed something about this season, because it's a fact that most babies are born in May/June!). Of course this is not an excuse to slip back into MO, but it has definitely made it more challenging for me. But "luckily" about 2 weeks ago, I got sick with the flu. This really helped me not wanting to lay hands on myself. Now I'm on day 12 of my reboot and I'm doing pretty well. Only my fantasies still tend to get the better of me - especially now as it seems that I have a prospect. It's a young man I've known for about 4 years with whom I've had the opportunity to reconnect this past weekend. Things look very hopeful with regards to him, however I can't know at this point whether this is going to lead anywhere.
So I will hang in there and try to deal with my cravings in a healthy way. Watching porn on YouTube hasn't been an issue at all - in fact, I even feel repulsed about such things right now. Drawing closer to God is my goal now. I need to spend much more time in prayer and in His word. I'm grateful that I have the time now, as I'm going to be with my folks for the next few weeks. The Lord is good!
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Daniela
Member
Posts: 74
Occupation: Lifestyle Counselor
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Post by Daniela on Jul 1, 2017 10:49:56 GMT -7
Ok, after 9 months of silence I'm back again. I'm really upset with myself right now, as I don't seem to get this masturbation habit under control. About two months ago, after almost a whole six months being sober, I fell back again into this habit, and ever since I just haven't been able to turn it around for good. This afternoon, I even went back into watching stimulating material on YouTube (after one year of not watching anything like that). How could I have sunken so deep again? Of course I confessed my sins and talked to the Lord about it. I really want to gain the victory for good! Of course the fact that there is still no husband for me on the horizon makes it doubly hard. Will I ever be able to have legitimate sex in my life - the way God created it? But I really need to learn to stay sober - married or not. I would appreciate your prayers on my behalf!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2017 20:22:29 GMT -7
Hi Dani! You have been missed. You are staying sober for longer periods of time. That is a step forward! Keep working on your relationship with God. Your sobriety will come. Sometimes it takes awhile because we have more to learn on how to walk with God continually. I know when I neglect God I have a more difficult time with temptation. I do still deal with temptations on a regular basis but they are harder to ignore when I have neglected spending time with God.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jul 4, 2017 7:42:17 GMT -7
Hi Daniela.
Nice to hear from you again. Wow! Has it been that long?
Congrats on the six months. That was awesome. I know you wish it was longer, but all we have is today. Just focus on making good choices today. You got this!
For me, I need support. My mind is too deceitful to go at this alone. Being away from support for an extended length of time will lead my mind astray.
Hope to hear from you more regularly. Even if we're sober, we still need to connect with our support system.
There are benefits and setbacks to being married. Try to remember that happiness is not based upon whether you are bound or loosed, but on how content you can be with the situation that God has placed you in.
You are awesome sister! Don't give up hope. You got this!
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Daniela
Member
Posts: 74
Occupation: Lifestyle Counselor
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Post by Daniela on Jul 5, 2017 7:00:00 GMT -7
Thank you for your encouragement Kevin! Unfortunately, I slipped again this afternoon. It's so hard to let go of this good feeling. But why would the enemy offer me something that doesn't feel good? I agree with you that my happiness is not based on my marital status, however this issue with lust would be so much easier for me to handle if I had a legitimate outlet for my desires. Of course, even if I'm married I couldn't always get it whenever I feel like, but if I had a fulfilled sex life with my spouse, I would be much more motivated to be abstinent if I need to be.
Well, I guess I have to start over again. Tomorrow is another day! Now, as I'm back to Europe for good, I will be able again to join the weekly phone call with this women's group of Sexaholics Anonymous. While I was in the US, it wasn't possible because of the time zone. It really helps me to connect with other females who struggle with similar issues.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jul 5, 2017 13:36:22 GMT -7
Thank you for your encouragement Kevin! Unfortunately, I slipped again this afternoon. It's so hard to let go of this good feeling. But why would the enemy offer me something that doesn't feel good? I agree with you that my happiness is not based on my marital status, however this issue with lust would be so much easier for me to handle if I had a legitimate outlet for my desires. Of course, even if I'm married I couldn't always get it whenever I feel like, but if I had a fulfilled sex life with my spouse, I would be much more motivated to be abstinent if I need to be. Well, I guess I have to start over again. Tomorrow is another day! Now, as I'm back to Europe for good, I will be able again to join the weekly phone call with this women's group of Sexaholics Anonymous. While I was in the US, it wasn't possible because of the time zone. It really helps me to connect with other females who struggle with similar issues. Woman's SA call eh? That's awesome. Hope you keep us posted while you're in Europe. By the way, I recently had the same discussion with another SA about his lack of a girlfriend. He truly felt that if he had one, it would make everything easier. My point to him was that it is that same feeling of needing a girlfriend that was part of the problem. See, when I start entertaining thoughts that I need to have a girlfriend, or need to have sex, or need to be loved by a woman, I start doing desperate, destructive things to go about getting what I feel like I need. The desire for companionship is good, but if these desires are not surrendered to God, they start to serve as fuel for future acting out. And once I start acting out, I go full force to a binge. And then it gets really tough getting sober. Feeling depressed after being sober for so long; it truly is easier to keep the heart clean than it is to clean it after it's been defiled. Just take it one day at a time. You can do this. Just focus on trusting in God today and not worry about tomorrow. That's what I do. And it works. By the way, if marriage is something that you want to pursue, what's keeping you from dating? I've known more than one couple that met online via sites like christianmingle.com. They've taken the bull by the horns and decided to put themselves out there. Beats staying at home waiting for Mr. Right to show up at your doorstep.
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Daniela
Member
Posts: 74
Occupation: Lifestyle Counselor
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Post by Daniela on Jul 6, 2017 0:30:48 GMT -7
Believe me, I've been on every possible Christian singles dating site out there, but nothing has come into fruition. I'm still on a European singles site from my denomination, where they send you matching profiles, however I've never received one! Maybe I'm too conservative in my views, or there is just nobody suitable out there who also signed up on this website! The thing is that I'm already 45, and it's indeed hard to find somebody eligible my age who is not married yet. I mean, why would a good man that age not be married? Next month, we will have a camp meeting in Germany again, where I'm part of the organizers. Each year, I'm hoping that there is somebody for me. In fact, there is a young man about my age who I really like. Until last year, I thought he is not for me, because he had a girlfriend, but then she broke up wit him. However, there hasn't been any initiative from his side. It's kind of nerve racking, as I would really like to have clarity. I pray every day that the Lord may send me someone - still this year. But I do realize that I have to surrender this desire to God. However, that's really hard, as He has instilled this desire for a companion in me...
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jul 7, 2017 15:32:41 GMT -7
Thanks for sharing that Daniela. For much of my life, I had the hardest time finding someone to have interest in me. I acted desperate. And that played a huge role in my lack of success with women.
So I acted desperately to fulfill my so-called needs; acting out with porn, MB, strip clubs, prostitutes.
Thinking that I was so unlovable that the only way I would get love or sex is if I pay for it or take it by force.
And I did try the dating scene too. And relationships and women were like feeling around in the dark.
Surrendering all of this to God is an extremely painful experience. But until I did, I was destined to do desparate, destructive things with my life.
And it's not just the acting out with porn and MB, it's also means dealing with that negative thinking; that belief that says, "I need sex. I need a woman to give me this love in order for me to be content.
Only then, I can truly accept reality, and accept God's love.
And I have to continually remind myself of this every day. Because my mind is so messed up, without constant reminders, I will revert back to my old ways of thinking.
So I don't stop checking in. If I take a break from BG, I always return shortly, before my mind takes me to bad places.
And it is so worth it. I don't ever want to go back to that way of thinking again. That leads me to nowhere.
It's time to surrender it all to God, Daniela. You can do it! We're behind you. Embrace what you have now without paying attention to what you feel like is missing. You'll be happier. You'll have better understanding. You'll be more receptive to the Lord's will for your life.
Just for today, enjoy what you have now. And think on the good stuff. You got this!
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Daniela
Member
Posts: 74
Occupation: Lifestyle Counselor
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Post by Daniela on Jul 21, 2017 23:48:24 GMT -7
It's hard for me to admit, but last night, I laid hands on myself again. This is the time of the month when it tends to get really hard. I did gain some victories in the almost 10 days I was sober, but eventually I gave in again. Of course I'm upset with myself. Please pray for me that I can stay strong from now on!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2017 10:08:55 GMT -7
Hi Daniela,
I know it might be hard, and these feelings might simply be natural and unavoidable, but try not to be upset with yourself. Maybe you can try to focus your thoughts on how wonderful it is to be a redeemed child of God, instead.
You slipped. It's ok. It sounds like you have had many days where you were strong and those are the days that count.
His grace is sufficient.
Hang in there, I'll be sending some prayers your way.
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Daniela
Member
Posts: 74
Occupation: Lifestyle Counselor
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Post by Daniela on Aug 8, 2017 9:40:55 GMT -7
Hi Everyone,
By God's grace, I haven't done it again since I posted last. However, I started edging yesterday. I think the main reason for that is my exhaustion. We just concluded our annual camp meeting (with my ministry), which was a great blessing, but also a lot of work for me being in a responsible position. I think my exhaustion has held me up to take the edging any further. But it's still difficult, because I really like my body - especially now as I've lost quite a bit of weight. But I've strengthened my relationship with God and I really want to stay pure now!
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Post by Ɖσмιиιc on Jan 8, 2022 4:14:51 GMT -7
Hi Daniela I have been reading your thread on your journey. Wow, you have been through a lot. I hope you are with a godly husband by now, but if not, that is OK too. I know it's been a long time since you posted and no one likes to admit their struggles, I know I don't. Still, I wanted to ask how are you doing? Are you calling accountability partners? Is there any women in your church fellowship who you would feel comfortable with sharing your story and calling when you are feeling tempted? I have a few brothers I call and it's a great help. Sadly, I call after I fall and not before. I'm terrible at that. I hope you can share any updates. Hopefully, you are overcoming and getting better. However, if you are falling much much more, don't be afraid of people and criticism and anything, please post and share and bring it to the light, so we can encourage you and pray for you. Dear Jesus, please help Daniela find a godly husband. Please let it be in Your good will to give her a godly man. Not just for marriage blessings but for companionship and help and support. Lord, please give her someone please. Please give her strength to resist the enemy. Lord, we can't do this without You. Please help us not to reply on our efforts but in Your great power. Please help the brothers and sisters who are struggling. Please help the wives who are hurting because of their husbands addictions. Lord, we need You so much. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jan 20, 2022 0:16:47 GMT -7
Hi Daniela, I noticed you signed in today. Anyways, I'm wishing all the best for you.
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