KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 8, 2023 6:12:21 GMT -7
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Post by savedbygrace on Mar 14, 2023 11:56:13 GMT -7
Your thoughts above are also very encouraging to me.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 19, 2023 6:01:57 GMT -7
All of my life, most of the world has convinced me that lust was normal. It was fun. TV is filled with examples of normalizing lust. Giving off images of women wearing clothes that show off their bodies. Men oggling them.
The Brady Bunch Chips The Dukes of Hazard The A Team BJ and the Bear Miami Vice
etc, etc, etc
TV shows that I've watched in which lust has been normalized. Rarely on such media, was lust frowned upon. It was encouraged. The enemy has been hard at work selling us a lie. That lust feels good and offers some reward. And that it doesn't have consequences. The women that I've lusted after, how would they know what I'm thinking? Little did I understand that lust doesn't harm the person that I'm lusting after so much as it harms myself.
Many of us come to BG after suffering major consequences from using porn. Loss of relationships, PIED, feelings of guilt, arrest. Yet still, we think of these as indirect repercussions. We don't think of the direct harm that we cause ourselves each time we choose to lust at that very moment.
For instance, the more I lust, the less I'm attracted to my wife. And the less satisfying our sexual intimacy is. And the less satisfying our relationship is. And the less attractive I find her because I'm comparing her to someone else. Lust steals joy and pleasure from me and my wife.
That's a message we don't hear often growing up. Not from TV. Not from my father. Not even from the church. We hear messages how lust hurts God and others. But we don't recognize how lust hurts ourselves. So we start avoiding lust out of sacrifice. Wanting to please God and others. Yet still craving to lust because we feel like we're missing out on what others find normal and fun. Brainwashing. Satan really sold us a lie.
God places His laws in my life because He cares for me. He wants me to have joy. He wants me to be content.
I follow a lot of Red Pill thinking. In the Red Pill community, there is this term called an abundance mindset. It's this idea that if one makes himself high-value enough, then he'll have an abundance of choices with women. It sells an idea that if one hooks up with enough women, then the desire will go away. Hooking up with more and more women will make one not be so obsessed with them.
But I don't believe this. That's like saying to an alcoholic, "If you want to stop craving alcohol, just keep drinking more and more until you don't want it anymore." Ridiculous. How has watching more and more porn helped me to desire it less? 1000 is never enough.
In truth, the best way for me to maintain an abundance mindset is to keep my sexual energy focused on one woman. The world teaches us that more is better. But that's a lie. In sexual relationships, 1 is better than 2, and certainly much better than 4.
Blessings everyone. Happy Sunday.
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Post by Will on Mar 22, 2023 20:43:46 GMT -7
Hi Kevin,
wow I so hear you on the 80s tv shows thing. Me too! You're exactly right about the false messages on sexuality, what it is and how it should work, that those shows and movies told us. Honestly, I'm still discovering how much that stuff wired me up wrong. And getting free from the shows and movies it seems is the same thing to me as getting free from porn - that's how much they're connected, in my mind at least. We just don't NEED it! Praise God for living without that stuff, and clean from sexual sin!
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 25, 2023 7:30:37 GMT -7
Day 168.
Finances have been tough this year. Falling behind in payments, I've been working nonstop to try to keep my head above the water financially. This is a trial. I know that God is using this trial to test me and prove that I'm being perfected into His likeness.
James 1:2-3 My brothers, count it all joy when you fall into diverse temptations and various trials. Knowing that the trying of your faith works patience. But let patience have it's perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
My toxicity level is at 4. All week. I'm so glad.
So yesterday, a good thing happened. I showed up to court with my lawyer pertaining to the Scott's Law citation from January. Anyways, my lawyer was prepared to go to trial. Since the police officer wasn't present and my lawyer mentioned that we had a strong case, the prosecuting attorney agreed to dismiss the case. Wow! I'm free! No fines, no supervision, my case was legally dismissed.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 26, 2023 5:18:42 GMT -7
Day 169.
I confess that I've fantasized before falling asleep last night. That raises my toxicity level to 5. It's important that I don't continue this behavior for level 5 easily leads to 6, then 7, and up.
It's an old behavior of mine. Used it since age 3 or earlier. Lust, fantasy, porn, all guarantee mood change. I'll admit that I was deluded into thinking that this mood change was pleasure. Making it really hard to stop.
My flesh is still caught in the old way of thinking. But my soul and spirit know better. Lust is a lie. It doesn't provide pleasure, but instead, takes it away. Praying before bedtime would be a good practice to help my spirit lead the way.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 26, 2023 10:27:33 GMT -7
My wife and I are working at a cat convention today. Lots and lots of people.
Lots and lots of opportunity for my flesh to indulge itself. How far I have come. Toxicity level 4. I avoid looking too much at people because I know what my flesh is capable of.
It's moments like these that remind me of how much I've learned. Jesus would have easily looked at anybody here without lust. Many recovering from lust and porn try to entertain the idea that they can look and appreciate a woman's beauty without lusting. But that like a recovering alcoholic thinking he can drink without getting drunk. Jesus said if my eye offends me, then pluck it out and cast it from me. And I feel I get the message. Many can look without lusting, but my eye offends me. Like Job, who made a covenant with his eyes to not look at another woman. He knew, as I do, that it's much easier to not look than it is to look without lusting. I can see women better when I don't look at them. A whole lot better.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 29, 2023 5:58:34 GMT -7
I had a few times where lust and fantasy entered into my mind over the past few days. I stopped them after a few seconds. I remember Amy sharing to me that stopping myself quickly was a sign of maturity. Well, anyways, my toxicity level is still at 4. Did I sin? Yes. Am I forgiven and walking in God's grace? Yes. Will I take every battle with lust and fantasy seriously? Yes. Am I happy with the direction I'm going? Yes. Do I feel like victory is happening? Yes.
God, I'm really grateful for having you see me through all of this journey. You've helped me to grow so much. I cannot fathom what life would be if I was still caught into my old way of thinking 25-30 years ago. Thank you. You never give up on me. I see hope. I will overcome. I will be victorious. I will conquer.
Celebrating day 172. Have a blessed day everyone.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 30, 2023 5:02:25 GMT -7
Day 173.
Toxicity level was at 5 yesterday.
Today is a new day.
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Post by savedbygrace on Mar 30, 2023 8:29:04 GMT -7
Amen!! Today is a new day!
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Post by Will on Apr 3, 2023 9:47:57 GMT -7
What happens at a cat convention?
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Apr 4, 2023 13:57:03 GMT -7
Vendors come together in one big place and sell all sorts of things for cats. Costumes, toys, food. And a bunch of cats for display for adoption.
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Post by Ɖσмιиιc on Apr 4, 2023 18:12:44 GMT -7
Thanks for encouraging us Kevin. I hope God will always bless you and your family.
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Post by Will on Apr 5, 2023 22:04:43 GMT -7
Ah okay, cool!
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Apr 7, 2023 12:13:54 GMT -7
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