Post by Deleted on Aug 29, 2013 4:27:06 GMT -7
Hi there,
I've never been on a forum, so I don't really know how this works, but I'll take a stab at it.
My name is Angelika, married for almost 32 years. Almost from the start of my marriage things did not add up, but not until a few weeks ago were my therapist and I able to figure out the true nature of the problem: my husband 'suffers' from sexual/intimacy anorexia. This condition is often the flip side of sexual addiction - an extreme form of 'white-knuckling'. When I started reading up on the subject all the puzzle pieces fell into place. Why he rarely initiated sex, was emotionally absent during the act itself, why it always seemed to be about performance instead of fun, and why he made every excuse under the sun for not having sex.
During the early years I discovered that he would masturbate (even if the night before I had pleaded with him to be intimate with me). On two occasions (that I know of) there was actually acting out - the first time with internet porn which was found by our teenage sons who subsequently started their own struggles with porn, the second time with movies while I was taking care of a sick friend. Since the last episode he has completely shut down any inclinations toward sex. He will rarely touch me, he avoids situations where sex could be a possibility and when avoidance is not possible, suffers from extreme anxiety. Last week, in a rare moment of telling the truth, he said that he feels affectionate towards me - when I'm absent. He insists he loves me and misses me when I'm gone, but when I'm around I might as well be a piece of furniture. Add to that the lack of emotional and spiritual intimacy that has been an issue for the entire marriage and I have to wonder what is wrong with me to have put up with it for so long.
My question is this: Is anyone else out there dealing with this? I understand that traditionally woman were supposed to have this problem (remember the term 'frigid'?), but there must be some other wives out there going through this. If so, please let me hear from you and let's come alongside each other in this.
I've never been on a forum, so I don't really know how this works, but I'll take a stab at it.
My name is Angelika, married for almost 32 years. Almost from the start of my marriage things did not add up, but not until a few weeks ago were my therapist and I able to figure out the true nature of the problem: my husband 'suffers' from sexual/intimacy anorexia. This condition is often the flip side of sexual addiction - an extreme form of 'white-knuckling'. When I started reading up on the subject all the puzzle pieces fell into place. Why he rarely initiated sex, was emotionally absent during the act itself, why it always seemed to be about performance instead of fun, and why he made every excuse under the sun for not having sex.
During the early years I discovered that he would masturbate (even if the night before I had pleaded with him to be intimate with me). On two occasions (that I know of) there was actually acting out - the first time with internet porn which was found by our teenage sons who subsequently started their own struggles with porn, the second time with movies while I was taking care of a sick friend. Since the last episode he has completely shut down any inclinations toward sex. He will rarely touch me, he avoids situations where sex could be a possibility and when avoidance is not possible, suffers from extreme anxiety. Last week, in a rare moment of telling the truth, he said that he feels affectionate towards me - when I'm absent. He insists he loves me and misses me when I'm gone, but when I'm around I might as well be a piece of furniture. Add to that the lack of emotional and spiritual intimacy that has been an issue for the entire marriage and I have to wonder what is wrong with me to have put up with it for so long.
My question is this: Is anyone else out there dealing with this? I understand that traditionally woman were supposed to have this problem (remember the term 'frigid'?), but there must be some other wives out there going through this. If so, please let me hear from you and let's come alongside each other in this.
