Masturbating to porn getting out of hand.

People differ, but for me, it's clear that the central issue is porn. I am addicted to porn, and cannot use it in moderation. Like an alcoholic, I need to give it up completely.

So for me, the answer is pretty simple: if I never use porn, then the problem you describe of being led by porn to masturbate excessively goes away.

More broadly, I think porn and masturbation and alcohol are a lot alike. Some of us are addicted to one or more of those things, and some of us are not. For those who aren't addicted, moderating our use may take a little willpower and a little time to develop new habits, but it's not a fundamental problem. Just do it. That was my experience in quitting using alcohol and in dramatically moderating my use of caffeine. For those of us who are addicted, moderating our use isn't an option. It's all or nothing. Either we quit completely or the addictive behavior takes over our lives.

Quitting completely for an addict is hard and scary work, work that involves not just saying no, but rebuilding our relationships with God, with the people around us, and with ourselves in such a way that the fears and resentments that we hide from by withdrawing into our addictive trance are released and no longer need to be medicated in that way. Becoming new people in that way is terrifying, but incredibly rewarding. Since that's not what you want to do, though, I won't waste your time further talking about it.

So I think the bottom line is this: If you want to moderate some habit, just do it. Use less, do something else instead, give yourself little rewards for not using, develop new habits. If, at a later time, you reach the conclusion that that isn't possible and that you are an addict who needs to find recovery, then we can talk about how folks do that. That's the part the sort of people who come to places like this often need, not moderation. If moderation had worked for us, we wouldn't be here.

Tim M.

Porn in moderation isn't healthy for the girls your watching though is it. Isn't that like saying watching child porn in moderation is ok?

You know what. You teach me something everytime. I was battling with my view of society after all this and was troubled about how to deal with it but the way you handle it seems like the best to go. Thanks Tim.