I'm sitting here trying to count the guys I've hooked up with, I've stopped at twenty over the last seven years, although I know there is more. Some of them were ongoing so the number of times is alot more than 20. I'm a Christian, yet I've done the devil's hard labor for him.
As a Christian I should've been salt & light, instead
I've helped satan sew seeds of distruction in these mens lives. It's a horrible feeling knowing that. As if that's not enough, I'm married and each and every time I broke my vows to God, my wife & family.
I have the hope & knowlege God's love, mercy & grace, I'm sure that most of those guys don't, I know alot of them were married too & I was a part of those broken vows as well.
Please, please, if you haven't acted out physically on an ssa or even a hetero lust, don't let it get to this level.
This last one (5 days ago) really hits me hard on multiple levels. He was only 19, he was shaking most of the time, It was obviously in his parents home. He emailed me after and wanted me to see him again...
I've erased all my contacts & emails (yet again), I can't keep doing this.
The problem with erasing contacts and saying you can't keep doing it is that you've probably done that before. I certainly acted out "for the last time" in my addiction how many times? Hundreds?
For me, it made a lot of difference to start accepting that I was an addict, and that all those things other addicts had to do to build new lives were things I had to do, too - going to 12-step meetings, getting a sponsor, working the steps, working seriously with a counselor to understand where my desires were coming from and how to let them go.
All that stuff is scary, but all that stuff is making a huge difference in my life.
You see, we don't just have a vertical problem with God. We also have horizontal problems with our fellow humans, and inner problems hiding from our own selves. Working with other people, both professionals and our fellow addicts, to deal with those issues is essential to most of us. I can't do it alone any more than most alcoholics and drug addicts can do it alone. I have to figure out what works for them, and try it for myself.
Is there more you can do to find support from and fellowship with others? I think it's awfully important, especially for someone with as difficult a history as yours.
Amymine712: I will be praying for your situation Tee
Sept 18, 2018 17:49:12 GMT -7
teetop: It seems that I have offended many here on Blazing Grace and to that end I am sorry.
Sept 22, 2018 8:39:07 GMT -7
teetop: Both requests have been acted on and I am sorry I've offended anyone here on Blazing Grace. Virgil
Sept 23, 2018 15:13:27 GMT -7
Amymine712: Tee, how are you doing?
Sept 23, 2018 15:15:52 GMT -7
teetop: To answer your question Amy, not so good today. Too many things rearing their ugly head all at once.
Oct 19, 2018 18:54:40 GMT -7
teetop: Pro 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. Pro 3:6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. ]
Oct 19, 2018 19:17:44 GMT -7
ridat: Teach me Your way, ADONAI, that I may walk in Your truth. Give me an undivided heart to fear Your Name.
Nov 18, 2018 2:09:15 GMT -7
freerein: Wife of an addict here trying to gain wisdom.
Dec 2, 2018 21:58:15 GMT -7
Amymine712: Welcome freerein. I moved your thread to the wife's section so that the wives would be more likely to see it. You are welcome to post everywhere on the forums.
Dec 3, 2018 9:43:46 GMT -7
Will: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jan 3, 2019 4:57:58 GMT -7
Dominic M.: Thank you for bring the forums back.
Jan 9, 2019 21:07:52 GMT -7
Amymine712: I was surprised that they were down. Mike got them back up! So grateful!
Jan 10, 2019 4:35:27 GMT -7
Will: Yep thanks for bringing the forums back!
Jan 12, 2019 1:27:13 GMT -7
Dominic M.: Praying for us.
Jan 24, 2019 2:37:11 GMT -7
zat: Thank you guys for the approval. I hope to find the sharing platform here.
Jan 30, 2019 10:33:56 GMT -7
Amymine712: You are welcome! Feel free to start a thread and tells us about yourself.
Jan 31, 2019 3:43:48 GMT -7
Dominic M.: how is everyone out there?
Apr 30, 2019 17:14:37 GMT -7
teetop: Doing great Dominic. Thanks for asking. A slight bout of pneumonia that the VA Doctor said I had, ha, ha! (Horse pills now.)
Jul 23, 2019 5:37:37 GMT -7
Dominic M.: VA. Cool. I'm also a vet. Thanks for serving brother.
Jul 25, 2019 7:27:22 GMT -7
Dominic M.: For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins, But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries. Hebrews 10:26-27 KJV
Aug 8, 2019 3:58:43 GMT -7