I'm sitting here trying to count the guys I've hooked up with, I've stopped at twenty over the last seven years, although I know there is more. Some of them were ongoing so the number of times is alot more than 20. I'm a Christian, yet I've done the devil's hard labor for him.
As a Christian I should've been salt & light, instead
I've helped satan sew seeds of distruction in these mens lives. It's a horrible feeling knowing that. As if that's not enough, I'm married and each and every time I broke my vows to God, my wife & family.
I have the hope & knowlege God's love, mercy & grace, I'm sure that most of those guys don't, I know alot of them were married too & I was a part of those broken vows as well.
Please, please, if you haven't acted out physically on an ssa or even a hetero lust, don't let it get to this level.
This last one (5 days ago) really hits me hard on multiple levels. He was only 19, he was shaking most of the time, It was obviously in his parents home. He emailed me after and wanted me to see him again...
I've erased all my contacts & emails (yet again), I can't keep doing this.
The problem with erasing contacts and saying you can't keep doing it is that you've probably done that before. I certainly acted out "for the last time" in my addiction how many times? Hundreds?
For me, it made a lot of difference to start accepting that I was an addict, and that all those things other addicts had to do to build new lives were things I had to do, too - going to 12-step meetings, getting a sponsor, working the steps, working seriously with a counselor to understand where my desires were coming from and how to let them go.
All that stuff is scary, but all that stuff is making a huge difference in my life.
You see, we don't just have a vertical problem with God. We also have horizontal problems with our fellow humans, and inner problems hiding from our own selves. Working with other people, both professionals and our fellow addicts, to deal with those issues is essential to most of us. I can't do it alone any more than most alcoholics and drug addicts can do it alone. I have to figure out what works for them, and try it for myself.
Is there more you can do to find support from and fellowship with others? I think it's awfully important, especially for someone with as difficult a history as yours.
Amymine712: It's central
Feb 28, 2020 5:08:47 GMT -7
Will: 'Why should I stay in the grave when the stone has been rolled away?' - SavedbyGrace
Mar 3, 2020 23:17:39 GMT -7
Amymine712: This spring forward stuff is for the birds. Wish I still lived in Arizona.
Mar 8, 2020 5:56:26 GMT -7
teetop: Yeh, time changes are a nuisance, even though we've been doing it for many years.
Apr 10, 2020 4:29:14 GMT -7
teetop: Well at this time we are still in lockdown mode to keep us safe.
Apr 17, 2020 8:56:54 GMT -7
Amymine712: Lock down is a trial run for communism...and I have fully decided I will never vote for anyone that would bring that into my country.
Apr 18, 2020 7:30:32 GMT -7
teetop: Well Amymine712, it has been years since I looked up some measures congress passed a very long time ago. President Kennedy just before he was assassinated in one of his very last speeches he warned the American People just about that type of power.
Apr 20, 2020 20:15:19 GMT -7
teetop: Kennedy warned the American people that there are certain circumstances where the President could declare a national disaster and put the whole country under martial law can under special circumstances become a Dictator.
Apr 21, 2020 3:51:42 GMT -7
savedbygrace: We are in a very unusual circumstance. Lockdown probably not the most accurate word. Both our state governors as well as the federal government have restricted behoviors that would have caused many more people to die.
Apr 21, 2020 6:31:04 GMT -7
teetop: Right-on savedbygrace, though we may not like it, it is true that many people ignore these simple safety measures.
Apr 21, 2020 23:16:30 GMT -7
Amymine712: Unfortunately some are taking their new found powers too far. Michigan's governor being one.
Apr 22, 2020 6:15:57 GMT -7
teetop: OK, what did Michigan's govenor do?
Apr 22, 2020 7:13:00 GMT -7
Amymine712: Banning people from doing yard work, buying seeds, cooking outside, driving with another person...
Apr 23, 2020 2:30:51 GMT -7
Amymine712: Montana one town has to wear arm bands to buy things at stores.
Apr 23, 2020 2:32:14 GMT -7
javajake: May the Lord protect us all from this strange virus. Also from the evil politicians who will use it to take control over our freedoms.
Apr 23, 2020 6:52:51 GMT -7
teetop: As most know that if we take the time to obey God, we will rightly decern the times. I would also point out that if we take note
May 14, 2020 16:20:15 GMT -7
teetop: that though the death toll seems high, I would suggest you look at the numbers a little closer. Take note as to how many are dying with complications from something else. And secondly, the death toll is nowhere near the number incurred in 1918, [/b
May 14, 2020 16:25:54 GMT -7
teetop: from the Spanish Flu. Secondly, Christ spoke about these very things, Matt. 24
May 14, 2020 16:33:19 GMT -7
Amymine712: You got it Tee!
May 15, 2020 18:25:27 GMT -7
Dominic: Yes, I am reminded that Jesus spoke of plagues in the end times. I think the COVID-19 meets that criteria.
May 21, 2020 15:43:10 GMT -7